So this horrid business of working/teaching/researching at the same time is coming to a close...praise be to the all mighty Turing (keep reading). I realize it's been over a month since we've last talked. I'm sorry but I've been busy apartment fixing, parrot (er, student) teaching, MacBook obsessing, gig playing, xmas shopping and network coding...boo to the ya! There's not much I'm missing in that list (except for the awesome birthday record player from the uber girlfriend) so I will now be focusing on what excites me...textually.
The New England Patriots
Tom Terrific and his merry band of football awesome-ness are currently 13-0 going into this Sunday's matchup with the J-E-T-S YOU SUCK HARD! My excitement, though, is not the numerous offensive records, the greatest single season individual effort ever, Belichick's mission for destruction or even Randy Moss' good behavior. No, I just love watching Wes Welker fall down...swoon.
National Treasure 2
I, the Uber Geek, love conspiracies, Egyptian mythology, adventure and lost secrets. Umm, do I have to explain this more?
The Bloody End to the Fall 2007 Semester
The blood will probably come from either my students or ViewMatrixTableModel.java. The former will most likely bleed from the eyes once they see my final and realize chirping random C syntax just won't cut it. ViewMatrixTableModel.java, however, will find it's surmise at my hands when I strangle the Live Edit out of it.
I Am Legend
But am I more excited about impending zombie doom towards the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air or the world-premiere of the Dark Knight trailer? Sorry Agent J but the Bat always wins.
Apple Expedition '08
At the end of January our motley development team will be traveling to Cupertino to present our crazy ideas about math education (pssh, learning...wait, did you want fries with your whopper?). Watch out Steve Jobs, we're going to be in ur compounds drinkin all ur wines!
The Lost Turing Paper
So there's this guy, Alan Turing, who is the father of computational theory. In the late 30's he defined what most people consider to be the foundation of computing today. Then in the mid-40's he was outed as gay and the entire computing community shunned him. Unfortunately for them (and the rest of the modern world) in 1946 Turing wrote a paper on an "unorganized machine" which is basically what we now know as a neural network. In this paper he describes almost every kind of neural network (SOM, feed-forward, back-propagation, genetic algorithms) years before they were thought up by numerous other researchers independently. Plus, his self-realizing robots attack humans and desire sex...it's like our wildest dreams come true!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Me = Coolest Person of All-Time
Not only am I dressed up as Gregory House, MD for Halloween (I've got the cane, snarky attitude and everything) but I just bought the greatest t-shirt ever constructed by man (I've never seen an alien t-shirt, but I'm assuming they're better).
Next time you see me in concert I will be wearing this shirt. I also will be wearing it while eating, working, bathing, sleeping and running...forever. For those who are between the age of 22 and 28 and don't get the reference, shame on you. For all others, this t-shirt represents the greatest TV band ever assembled in a San Fransisco townhouse owned by a single dad named Danny and comprised of a man known simply as "Uncle Jesse" and his pointlessly large band of merry, mullet wearing, 80's-out compatriots (yes, even the women).
Next time you see me in concert I will be wearing this shirt. I also will be wearing it while eating, working, bathing, sleeping and running...forever. For those who are between the age of 22 and 28 and don't get the reference, shame on you. For all others, this t-shirt represents the greatest TV band ever assembled in a San Fransisco townhouse owned by a single dad named Danny and comprised of a man known simply as "Uncle Jesse" and his pointlessly large band of merry, mullet wearing, 80's-out compatriots (yes, even the women).
Monday, October 22, 2007
The Good, The Bad & The Extremely Stupid
It's been a glorious and frustrating time since we've last spoken, much to talk about. I'm lazy though, so you know what that means...lists! This morning I bring to you a post filled with many (ok, three) awe-inspiring, cynical, cheery (unicorns?) lists. You must be ecstatic.
The Good
The Good
- Dustin Pedroia: You just have to love Jody Reed 2.0.
- Records: I now have Tumbleweed Connection on vinyl...yes, I am that cool and no, you can't be my friend Tom.
- Tom Brady: I know you're humble and all that stuff, but don't you just wanna go up to Peyton Manning, shrug your shoulders and say, "You got pwned."
- 8-Bit Nintendo: There's no greater joy than controlling a tiny pixelated Italian Plumber to save a princess from a destructive, fire-breathing lizard.
- Julio Lugo, Red Sox SS: Remember that baseball bloopers scene from Naked Gun where the lion attacks the shortstop? ::contented sigh::
- The Miami Dolphins Defense: So many jokes, so little talent.
- Ryan Adams: Extremely bad, but in the super awesome "I record an album a day" kinda way.
- Ryan Garko, Indians DH: Champagne also tastes just as good on the golf course while listening to the Red Sox on the radio.
- Students: How do you fail an assignment where you copy someone else's code, run it and just tell me what happens...anyone?
- Joel Skinner: Were you just upset because your wife stopped you at third base too?
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Things That Really Grind My Geeeeeahs
I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks. This weekend I'll be playing music for old people (I get to play loud because they can't hear!) and hitting up the MIT SwapFest Sunday with the uber girlfriend...mmm technology. Then next week I get to frighten my students with a midterm...muhahaha! I am an evil, evil man.
Today, however, is devoted to giving thanks. Yes, yes, I realize Thanksgiving is still a month away but why can't I give thanks every day? So in the spirit of ranting, oops, I mean thanking (silly me, what am I thinking?) I'll be thanking all those people recently that really grind my geeeeeeahs!
All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.
Jack from Millers Homeport
For the last two years I've been playing every Wednesday night at Miller's Homeport with my buddy Brad. We're are nothing fancy but we turn out some decent cover tunes and, if you're lucky, we might play one of our 3 original tunes! At the beginning we used to draw a huge (mostly college) crowd but over the last 7 months it's been dwindling. Last night we played to 4 people...that's right, 4 people! At the end of the night the bartender told us we wouldn't be getting paid...we're getting a pink slip! So I'd like to thank Jack the sleezy owner who was actually there in person before we played. Thank you Jack for not promoting us for the last two years. And thank you for having us play past closing when it's busy for no extra money. Most of all though, thanks for screwing us over one last time by getting a free show out of us. You truly are a world-class douchebag.
Grinding Rating: 666 e's
Al Gore
I blame you sir for stealing my Fall, the most glorious of all seasons. If you hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize the Weather wouldn't have gotten all those "global warming " ideas in it's head. Now, the Weather has latched onto your views and feels that there's no better time for 75 degree weather than the middle of October. So thank you Al Gore for allowing me to get all the climatic benefits of Florida in New England with none of the old people in golf carts.
Grind Rating: 7 e's, a drowning polar bear and two melting glaciers
Christopher Columbus
Last Monday was Columbus Day. A time for discovery, peace and the phrase "Wait, why is this a holiday?". Due to this abrupt change in schedule my class and lab for Tuesday was canceled...let the stupidity rein. When my course resumed on Thursday I was about to continue my series of lectures until I was asked the following question:
"There's no lab today right?" annoymous dummy, I mean student asks.
"No, there will be lab today. Just Tuesday's lab was canceled, " I informed the class to relieve (or so I thought) any confusion.
"Wait, so Tuesday class doesn't have to do the lab? That's not fair."
"Tuesday will do the lab on Tuesday. No one is skipping anything."
This went on for some time and by the end kids in Thursday's lab were still convinced they were getting screwed. The extra time off on Columbus Day also has seemed to have an amnesiatic effort on the entire class. In lab they could not do perform even the simplest tasks of using printf() and when presented the lab assignment most put their hands in the air and gave up refusing to believe my explanation that they've done EVERYTHING before. So I thank you Christopher Columbus for getting hammered on the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria, drunk boating across the Atlantic (true story...it's in history books and shit), totally missing the Indies, claiming to have discovered new land (even though there kinda were already people here when you landed) forcing universities across America to praise you one day out of the year. Oh, and thanks for taking that day to shoot a memory loss ray gun at college students...true story.
Grind Rating: 2 Nautical Miles of e's
Terry Fran-coma
Hi Terry,
How are you today? Not good? Aww, how come? Is it because in the 11th inning of a pivotal tie game in the ALCS you decided to pitch Eric Gagne (10+ERA and 5 blown saves since coming to the Sox) and he (predictably) lost the game for you? Or maybe it's because in Game 4 you thought it'd be a good idea to pitch Tim Wakefield who'd been injured for the last month and not pitched one game instead of Jon Lester who's 4-0 and pitching extremely well lately?
Ooo, I got it! I bet you're sad because you're reasoning for sticking with JD Drew is falling apart due to his .231 average and ZEEEEERO RBI. No? Could it be because Coco Crisp suddenl thinks strikeouts are the bees knees while Jacoby Ellsbury (the future of the Red Sox and best OF you have this side of Manny) is sits on the bench watching you rock back and forth like a mental patient?
Well, I just wanted to say hey and thank you for really doing your damnedest to be the biggest reason why the Red Sox won't be in the World Series this year. Great job!
there's always next year,
The Uber Geek
Grind Rating: x+4 e's | x = a number no one has even discovered yet
Today, however, is devoted to giving thanks. Yes, yes, I realize Thanksgiving is still a month away but why can't I give thanks every day? So in the spirit of ranting, oops, I mean thanking (silly me, what am I thinking?) I'll be thanking all those people recently that really grind my geeeeeeahs!
All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.
Jack from Millers Homeport
For the last two years I've been playing every Wednesday night at Miller's Homeport with my buddy Brad. We're are nothing fancy but we turn out some decent cover tunes and, if you're lucky, we might play one of our 3 original tunes! At the beginning we used to draw a huge (mostly college) crowd but over the last 7 months it's been dwindling. Last night we played to 4 people...that's right, 4 people! At the end of the night the bartender told us we wouldn't be getting paid...we're getting a pink slip! So I'd like to thank Jack the sleezy owner who was actually there in person before we played. Thank you Jack for not promoting us for the last two years. And thank you for having us play past closing when it's busy for no extra money. Most of all though, thanks for screwing us over one last time by getting a free show out of us. You truly are a world-class douchebag.
Grinding Rating: 666 e's
Al Gore
I blame you sir for stealing my Fall, the most glorious of all seasons. If you hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize the Weather wouldn't have gotten all those "global warming " ideas in it's head. Now, the Weather has latched onto your views and feels that there's no better time for 75 degree weather than the middle of October. So thank you Al Gore for allowing me to get all the climatic benefits of Florida in New England with none of the old people in golf carts.
Grind Rating: 7 e's, a drowning polar bear and two melting glaciers
Christopher Columbus
Last Monday was Columbus Day. A time for discovery, peace and the phrase "Wait, why is this a holiday?". Due to this abrupt change in schedule my class and lab for Tuesday was canceled...let the stupidity rein. When my course resumed on Thursday I was about to continue my series of lectures until I was asked the following question:
"There's no lab today right?" annoymous dummy, I mean student asks.
"No, there will be lab today. Just Tuesday's lab was canceled, " I informed the class to relieve (or so I thought) any confusion.
"Wait, so Tuesday class doesn't have to do the lab? That's not fair."
"Tuesday will do the lab on Tuesday. No one is skipping anything."
This went on for some time and by the end kids in Thursday's lab were still convinced they were getting screwed. The extra time off on Columbus Day also has seemed to have an amnesiatic effort on the entire class. In lab they could not do perform even the simplest tasks of using printf() and when presented the lab assignment most put their hands in the air and gave up refusing to believe my explanation that they've done EVERYTHING before. So I thank you Christopher Columbus for getting hammered on the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria, drunk boating across the Atlantic (true story...it's in history books and shit), totally missing the Indies, claiming to have discovered new land (even though there kinda were already people here when you landed) forcing universities across America to praise you one day out of the year. Oh, and thanks for taking that day to shoot a memory loss ray gun at college students...true story.
Grind Rating: 2 Nautical Miles of e's
Terry Fran-coma
Hi Terry,
How are you today? Not good? Aww, how come? Is it because in the 11th inning of a pivotal tie game in the ALCS you decided to pitch Eric Gagne (10+ERA and 5 blown saves since coming to the Sox) and he (predictably) lost the game for you? Or maybe it's because in Game 4 you thought it'd be a good idea to pitch Tim Wakefield who'd been injured for the last month and not pitched one game instead of Jon Lester who's 4-0 and pitching extremely well lately?
Ooo, I got it! I bet you're sad because you're reasoning for sticking with JD Drew is falling apart due to his .231 average and ZEEEEERO RBI. No? Could it be because Coco Crisp suddenl thinks strikeouts are the bees knees while Jacoby Ellsbury (the future of the Red Sox and best OF you have this side of Manny) is sits on the bench watching you rock back and forth like a mental patient?
Well, I just wanted to say hey and thank you for really doing your damnedest to be the biggest reason why the Red Sox won't be in the World Series this year. Great job!
there's always next year,
The Uber Geek
Grind Rating: x+4 e's | x = a number no one has even discovered yet
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Chuck Norris Powers
I had a nice weekend due mainly to my newfound Chuck Norris powers. Since taking his name in to instantiate Team Chuck Norris during a game of Cranium I have performed feats previously thought to be impossible for a man such as myself. Feats including:
"This morning at my desk, though, I finally figured it out," he told me while chuckling annoyingly. "I was trying to install Office 2007 which was on a DVD but the computer only has CD drives."
I can't even put into words my disappointment to hear that a Computer Science major took "weeks" to figure out the difference between a DVD and a CD drive
Maybe my students aren't as dumb as I thought.
- Time Travel
- While driving home from Polly's Pancakes in Sugar Hill, NH (greatest pancakes EVER!) I felt the ride was taking too long so I put my head down. Next thing I know it's an hour later...time travel.
- Single-handedly Constructing the University of New Hampshire
- I went up to visit the school because they have a pretty cool computer science doctoral program (that's right, I'm so cool I go to OTHER schools on the weekends). I have never actually seen UNH before so I must conclude that I dynamically constructed the entire campus with my eyes as I drove there.
- Psychic Abilities
- During a friendly game of cranium my Team Chuck Norris teammate and I were able to deftly deduce clues to solve some of the world's most puzzling riddles...with our minds! Seriously, tell me how many times you've been able to sculpt a T-Bone steak so accurately you've won the Nobel Peace Prize for it?
- Climate Control
- All last week I had been complaining that Fall had disappeared. Sometime in the middle of September the weather had hinted at turning towards Fall. Shortly after, however, Summer returned with it's 80 degree weather, sun and blah blah blah...lame. Friday though I said, "It better be cold this weekend in NH." Guess what. It was 59 degrees, a perfect Fall weekend. This means the weather is my bitch. If I want it to snow in the middle of August, it's gonna snow...I have the power.
"This morning at my desk, though, I finally figured it out," he told me while chuckling annoyingly. "I was trying to install Office 2007 which was on a DVD but the computer only has CD drives."
I can't even put into words my disappointment to hear that a Computer Science major took "weeks" to figure out the difference between a DVD and a CD drive
Maybe my students aren't as dumb as I thought.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Class Move
Yesterday Miami Dolphin QB Trent Green was sidelined with a concussion after applying a (legal) block on Houston Texan DT Travis Johnson. During the block Johnson's knee slammed into Green's helmet leaving Green motionless on the field...a scary moment. After a few moments he was carted off the field on a stretcher and will probably miss a few games with a concussion. Wow, football is a rough sport. Amazing to think a simple block could lead to a nasty injury like that. The most important thing though is that he's ok, right Travis?
Can someone see if there's a penalty for saying the dumbest thing ever?
"Fuck Trent Green, because the bottom line is, it was a malicious hit. It was uncalled for, " Johnson said. "He's like the scarecrow. He wants to get courage while I wasn't looking, and hit me in my knee instead of trying to hit me in my head. God don't like ugly, you know what I mean? My knee ain't never hurt like it hurt today. If you want to hit me, hit me in my head, hit me in my chest, don't hit me in my knee. I'm trying to eat just like everybody else. So, to hit me like that, that showed me what type of a man he was."Well said Mr. Johnson. God sure does hate ugly, and that's why Trent Green got exactly what he deserved: a potentially long-term brain injury which could cost him years on his life. Though I believe it was the Lion who was looking for courage, but no matter, I'm getting away from Mr. Johnson's well put point. Trent Green (217 lbs.) impeded Mr. Johnson's (305 lbs.) ability to eat by maliciously blindsiding (or "blocking") the defensive tackle...fuck Trent Green indeed.
Can someone see if there's a penalty for saying the dumbest thing ever?
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Browns vs. Mini-Patriots
It's just about kickoff and I'm ready to go. I've got Mountain Dew, burgers, chips, a laptop, HD picture and the satisfaction that I just created the greatest acronym ever (FOWL-S...I'm making a simplified version of OWL-S which I'm calling fake OWL-S...I'm amazing). So off we go with the live (illegal) blogging. I'll write a bunch of stuff and then post it every 15-20 min or something...gosh, get off my case!
12:51: Pregame with Dan, Shannon and Boomer. I know he's been retired forever and I should just let this go but...wouldn't it be awesome if Shannon Sharpe just leveled Dan Marino?
1:03: Browns 0 Patriots 0...closest score all game?
1:10: Wow, Randy Moss really sucks
1:12: Someone forgot to tell the Browns they don't have to count MISSISSIPPI's before rushing the quarterback
1:16: 5-6 57 yards on opening drive and only a field goal? C'mon! Put in Cassell.
1:23: Am I wrong in thinking Ellis Hobbs is the greatest thing ever? Yeah, you're right, I'm not.
1:26: Fun facts:
1:33: First Asante picks off Anderson (again) then Donte "I kinda look like Randy Moss" Stallworth shakes that guy off like those bugs on the banana in Smooth Moves. The rout is on.
1:42: Oh my god, the Brown's Punter (Scott Player) is the coolest looking football player ever. Not only does he have the one bar mask (hardcore), he has a bleach blonde molester mustache!
1:47: Laurence Maroney has barely played today. They don't seem to be missing a beat, but I'm curious as to where's Laurence?
1:49: Well, there you go. Laurence has an injured crotchal region...thank you Dan Fouts.
1:51: I bet if Tom Brady was throwing to Tom Brady there would never be a dropped pass. I vote we sign these guys in the offseason.
1:54: If Webster had a definition for "overdramatic" Dan Fouts would be pictured...oh, they do. Hi Dan.
1:59: Sammy Morris is a truck. On a sidenote, Randy Moss has not played much of a role today (minus a couple small catches and a nice block two seconds ago). I wonder if today is the day he finally falters back to bad Randy or we finally go "wow, this guy really is a team player." Something to think about. Also think about Shrinky Dinks.
2:05: Another field goal. I'm afraid to say, but the Browns are one big play from being right in this game.
2:12: CBS just lost their HD signal. This is just awful. How am I supposed to see the amount of plaque on Matt Light's teeth now?
2:17: Scare over...HD back...Matt Light needs to brush more.
2:18: Interception #2 on the day for Junior Seau. Hey, where's Adalius going and why is he limping?
2:19: Much love for Donte Stallworth today from Tom Brady. They need a touchdown on this drive.
2:21: Ben Watson couldn't have been more wide open. I've just realized I've been calling Dan Dierdorf "Dan Fouts" all afternoon. Wow, what was I thinking. That's like mixing up Randy Cross and Paul Maguire...yeah, exactly.
2:25: Teddy Bruschi's got wings yo.
2:29: Halftime at Gillete: Pats 20 Browns 0. The scary thing is it should be 28-0. I'll be back for the start of the 3rd quarter. Now it's time to figure out how I'm gonna teach functions in C this week (I live an adventurous life).
2:43: Things that are indestructible: stainless steel, Chuck Norris, quarks, Adalius Thomas.
2:47: Who calls an end around for a tight-end?
2:54: I still say the Browns are one big play from getting back in this game. The Pats have had too many missed opportunities on offense (only a New England fan would complain about being up 20-0).
2:58: And the Browns are on the board, 20-3 Pats.
3:03: I feel like I could recite the plotline for every CBS show.
3:05: Worst quarter of the season for the Patriots. The offense needs a touchdown on the next drive.
3:11: Rodney Harrison redeems that stupid facemask penalty...ouch.
3:12: Seriously, it doesn't get cooler than Scott Player.
3:17: Staaaaaaagnant.
3:19: Its a whole new ballgame if the Browns find the endzone. Dan, I'm with you. After three it's still 20-3.
3:25: Great, juuuuuust great. Browns just got a big play, 20-10. Umm, can I order a Randy Moss touchdown please?
3:32: Wes Welker is what I call "gritty". Touchdown...we need a touchdown.
3:36: They make it look so easy, 27-10.
3:42: Sometimes I feel Belichick just gets bored and challenges anything (great catch by Braylon Edwards).
3:46: Dear Dan Dierdorf,
That was a designed pitchout to the WR. Please pay attention.
you're welcome,
Uber Geek
3:48: Vince Wilfork scares the crap out of me.
3:52: Heath Evans, you're a douchebag...we need another TD!
3:57: We're gonna beat the Browns by 10? Really?
3:58: What the hell is happening? How did Tom Tom miss that pass to Moss?
4:04: This lackadaisical game is actually good for the Pats. Now they'll probably get a huge fire lit under their ass for the big game against Dallas next weekend. I would not want to be in the meetings on Monday morning.
4:14: Randall Gay keeps the 30 point streak alive with a fumble recovery for touchdown...under review
4:16: Ruling on the field stands. Patriots have scored 21 points off turnovers today
4:19: No touchdown, no touchdown, no touchdown...
4:21: Ellis Hobbs is the man. Patriots win 34-17, time to see how the Sox are doing in Anaheim. Oh, look at that back-to-back homers by Ortiz and Manny...what a time to be alive.
12:51: Pregame with Dan, Shannon and Boomer. I know he's been retired forever and I should just let this go but...wouldn't it be awesome if Shannon Sharpe just leveled Dan Marino?
1:03: Browns 0 Patriots 0...closest score all game?
1:10: Wow, Randy Moss really sucks
1:12: Someone forgot to tell the Browns they don't have to count MISSISSIPPI's before rushing the quarterback
1:16: 5-6 57 yards on opening drive and only a field goal? C'mon! Put in Cassell.
1:23: Am I wrong in thinking Ellis Hobbs is the greatest thing ever? Yeah, you're right, I'm not.
1:26: Fun facts:
- Willie MacGinnest was #55 for the Patriots for near a decade. The year after he left Junior Seau joined the Patriots after coming out of retirement and now wears #55. Big Willie took exception to this.
- Willie MacGinnest took #55 as a rookie in honor of Junior Seau (#55 for San Diego Chargers)
- Junior Seau just picked off a pass in the endzone..eat it Willie.
1:33: First Asante picks off Anderson (again) then Donte "I kinda look like Randy Moss" Stallworth shakes that guy off like those bugs on the banana in Smooth Moves. The rout is on.
1:42: Oh my god, the Brown's Punter (Scott Player) is the coolest looking football player ever. Not only does he have the one bar mask (hardcore), he has a bleach blonde molester mustache!
1:47: Laurence Maroney has barely played today. They don't seem to be missing a beat, but I'm curious as to where's Laurence?
1:49: Well, there you go. Laurence has an injured crotchal region...thank you Dan Fouts.
1:51: I bet if Tom Brady was throwing to Tom Brady there would never be a dropped pass. I vote we sign these guys in the offseason.
1:54: If Webster had a definition for "overdramatic" Dan Fouts would be pictured...oh, they do. Hi Dan.
1:59: Sammy Morris is a truck. On a sidenote, Randy Moss has not played much of a role today (minus a couple small catches and a nice block two seconds ago). I wonder if today is the day he finally falters back to bad Randy or we finally go "wow, this guy really is a team player." Something to think about. Also think about Shrinky Dinks.
2:05: Another field goal. I'm afraid to say, but the Browns are one big play from being right in this game.
2:12: CBS just lost their HD signal. This is just awful. How am I supposed to see the amount of plaque on Matt Light's teeth now?
2:17: Scare over...HD back...Matt Light needs to brush more.
2:18: Interception #2 on the day for Junior Seau. Hey, where's Adalius going and why is he limping?
2:19: Much love for Donte Stallworth today from Tom Brady. They need a touchdown on this drive.
2:21: Ben Watson couldn't have been more wide open. I've just realized I've been calling Dan Dierdorf "Dan Fouts" all afternoon. Wow, what was I thinking. That's like mixing up Randy Cross and Paul Maguire...yeah, exactly.
2:25: Teddy Bruschi's got wings yo.
2:29: Halftime at Gillete: Pats 20 Browns 0. The scary thing is it should be 28-0. I'll be back for the start of the 3rd quarter. Now it's time to figure out how I'm gonna teach functions in C this week (I live an adventurous life).
2:43: Things that are indestructible: stainless steel, Chuck Norris, quarks, Adalius Thomas.
2:47: Who calls an end around for a tight-end?
2:54: I still say the Browns are one big play from getting back in this game. The Pats have had too many missed opportunities on offense (only a New England fan would complain about being up 20-0).
2:58: And the Browns are on the board, 20-3 Pats.
3:03: I feel like I could recite the plotline for every CBS show.
3:05: Worst quarter of the season for the Patriots. The offense needs a touchdown on the next drive.
3:11: Rodney Harrison redeems that stupid facemask penalty...ouch.
3:12: Seriously, it doesn't get cooler than Scott Player.
3:17: Staaaaaaagnant.
3:19: Its a whole new ballgame if the Browns find the endzone. Dan, I'm with you. After three it's still 20-3.
3:25: Great, juuuuuust great. Browns just got a big play, 20-10. Umm, can I order a Randy Moss touchdown please?
3:32: Wes Welker is what I call "gritty". Touchdown...we need a touchdown.
3:36: They make it look so easy, 27-10.
3:42: Sometimes I feel Belichick just gets bored and challenges anything (great catch by Braylon Edwards).
3:46: Dear Dan Dierdorf,
That was a designed pitchout to the WR. Please pay attention.
you're welcome,
Uber Geek
3:48: Vince Wilfork scares the crap out of me.
3:52: Heath Evans, you're a douchebag...we need another TD!
3:57: We're gonna beat the Browns by 10? Really?
3:58: What the hell is happening? How did Tom Tom miss that pass to Moss?
4:04: This lackadaisical game is actually good for the Pats. Now they'll probably get a huge fire lit under their ass for the big game against Dallas next weekend. I would not want to be in the meetings on Monday morning.
4:14: Randall Gay keeps the 30 point streak alive with a fumble recovery for touchdown...under review
4:16: Ruling on the field stands. Patriots have scored 21 points off turnovers today
4:19: No touchdown, no touchdown, no touchdown...
4:21: Ellis Hobbs is the man. Patriots win 34-17, time to see how the Sox are doing in Anaheim. Oh, look at that back-to-back homers by Ortiz and Manny...what a time to be alive.
Daaaaa Patriots
It's a cool Sunday afternoon here in New England. That's right, screw you summmer, fall is finally back (with football and everything). Lately, the Patriots have been rolling over the NFL with Chuck Norris like destruction and I find myself acting like a Patriots version of the Bears super fans.
For example, my prediction for todays game against the Browns is as follows (like such as):
Patriots 437 Browns 0
Where the entire offensive line for the Patriots is shrunk to 2 feet tall, Randy Moss can't use his hands (still catches 11 TDs), the Patriots are only allowed 2 downs, the Browns use 15 players and Tom Brady must throw left-handed while giving Vince Wilfork piggy-back rides during every offensive play...you can take that to the bank.
Therefore, due to my super fan status of late I've decided to have a live blogpost during this afternoon's game. It's gonna be long...and awesome.
UPDATE: This endeavor may put my on the outs with the Feds and/or NFL for the crime of "blogging"
For example, my prediction for todays game against the Browns is as follows (like such as):
Patriots 437 Browns 0
Where the entire offensive line for the Patriots is shrunk to 2 feet tall, Randy Moss can't use his hands (still catches 11 TDs), the Patriots are only allowed 2 downs, the Browns use 15 players and Tom Brady must throw left-handed while giving Vince Wilfork piggy-back rides during every offensive play...you can take that to the bank.
Therefore, due to my super fan status of late I've decided to have a live blogpost during this afternoon's game. It's gonna be long...and awesome.
UPDATE: This endeavor may put my on the outs with the Feds and/or NFL for the crime of "blogging"
Friday, October 5, 2007
I'm Back...Kinda, Not Really
Hi my name is The Uber Geek and I used to update my blog all the time. Recently I came down with a sickness that made desire to work more than have fun. I have begun to seek medical attention and after drinking a few beers the last couple nights I'm on my way to recovery. After a long night of playing Metroid Prime 3 on the wii and watching the Red Sox I believe I can finally assimilate back into my normal life. Until then I will leave you with a list of random stuff that's happened since my last post.
- Found the greatest resource ever: MIT CourseWare
- Made one of my students cry (yes, I do teach college...and, no, it wasn't a girl)
- The Red Sox and Patriots made me happy (for now)
- I'm goin to Cupertino bitches (for those who don't know its Apple's secret little, developer land...not unlike my Developer Land)
- Apparently I'm really close to being the house band for the New Wave Cafe (what?)
- Still not finding a halloween costume
- Woot-offing (wow, that sounds so much dirtier than it intended)
- Not writing blog posts ::single tear::
Monday, September 24, 2007
Thank You Tom Brady
If you haven't been paying attention to the NFL for the first three weeks of the season (shame!) you're missing out on the New England Patriots steam rolling all those who lay in their path. The Jets (10-6 in 2006), Chargers (14-2 in 2006) and Bills (umm, they're plucky?) have been slaughtered by the Pats 38-14, 38-14 and 38-7, respectively (I sense a treeeeennd). So how are the Patriots exactly making it look this easy?
Tom. Brady.
For years Tom Tom has been a great QB, winning 3 Super Bowls and quietly being the second best passer in the game (I hate you but, god-dammit, I respect you Peyton Manning) despite having some of the most pathetic offensive talent. The first two championships had a RB (Antwain Smith) who averaged 3 yrd/carry...I could fall farther! And the WR corps was downright awful (minus Troy Brown...he's gritty) and their success was mainly a product of Brady's ability to make people around him better (hey, Deion Branch, how's life with Matt Hasselbeck?). This season that all changed with the additions of Wes "Troy Brown 10 yrs ago but way faster" Welker, Donte "20 yard/catch" Stallworth and, most importantly, Randy "Yep, I'm that good" Moss. The Patriots offense these days is just downright unfair. Play physical at the line and Moss runs by everyone (5 TDs in 3 games). Playing cover 2 and doubling Moss leaves Welker alone in the middle for shenanigans. How about a nickel set? Ok, how about big 'ol Ben Watson demoralizing your linebackers? Oh, and Laurence Maroney is averages about 5 yrd/carry just in case Brady's arm falls off. So now, equipped with the weapons he's always dreamed about, Tom Brady is poised for one of the greatest seasons by a QB ever (80% CMP%, 141.8 rating, 10 TD, 1INT through Week 3) and saving millions of lives in the process.
That's right. Tom Brady is saving Red Sox Nation one completion at a time.
The Patriots romp through the first three weeks of the NFL season has diverted our attention here in New England from THE BIGGEST COLLAPSE IN SPORTS HISTORY (ok, I'm being a little overdramatic). In June the Red Sox held a double-digit lead over the Yankees. Everyone proclaimed the division race was over. The Yankees would have to play over .600 ball and the Sox (owners of the best record in baseball) would have to be a .500 team for the remainder of the season. Impossible we all said.
Guess what...it happened.
The Sox currently stand 1.5 games up on the Yankees and are whimpering to the finish line. Manny, Ortiz and Youkilis are all hurt, JD Drew is still the team (how scared are you of Jacoby Ellsbury Mr. Drew?), Wakefield keeps forgetting games aren't batting practice and, for the love of God, will someone please shoot Eric Gagne right in his stupid goggles?!?!? Yet, I remain calm (ok, except for that last comment...but he's makes me sooo angry). Why? Because on Sunday afternoons this fall I've been swept away to a fantasy land filled with sugar plumbs, touchdowns and goody-gum-football drops. As long as Tom Tom keeps throwing touchdowns to Randy Moss Red Sox nation will steer clear of the proverbial ledge. Therefore, as a member of Red Sox Nation I'd like to extend my thanks.
Thank you Tom Brady for being the savior* of Red Sox Nation.
* Red Sox Nation reserves all rights to mercilessly boo Tom Brady, the New England Patriots and any associate of the two at any hint they do not continue their current pace of success, at which point we will claim we "saw this coming".
Tom. Brady.
For years Tom Tom has been a great QB, winning 3 Super Bowls and quietly being the second best passer in the game (I hate you but, god-dammit, I respect you Peyton Manning) despite having some of the most pathetic offensive talent. The first two championships had a RB (Antwain Smith) who averaged 3 yrd/carry...I could fall farther! And the WR corps was downright awful (minus Troy Brown...he's gritty) and their success was mainly a product of Brady's ability to make people around him better (hey, Deion Branch, how's life with Matt Hasselbeck?). This season that all changed with the additions of Wes "Troy Brown 10 yrs ago but way faster" Welker, Donte "20 yard/catch" Stallworth and, most importantly, Randy "Yep, I'm that good" Moss. The Patriots offense these days is just downright unfair. Play physical at the line and Moss runs by everyone (5 TDs in 3 games). Playing cover 2 and doubling Moss leaves Welker alone in the middle for shenanigans. How about a nickel set? Ok, how about big 'ol Ben Watson demoralizing your linebackers? Oh, and Laurence Maroney is averages about 5 yrd/carry just in case Brady's arm falls off. So now, equipped with the weapons he's always dreamed about, Tom Brady is poised for one of the greatest seasons by a QB ever (80% CMP%, 141.8 rating, 10 TD, 1INT through Week 3) and saving millions of lives in the process.
That's right. Tom Brady is saving Red Sox Nation one completion at a time.
The Patriots romp through the first three weeks of the NFL season has diverted our attention here in New England from THE BIGGEST COLLAPSE IN SPORTS HISTORY (ok, I'm being a little overdramatic). In June the Red Sox held a double-digit lead over the Yankees. Everyone proclaimed the division race was over. The Yankees would have to play over .600 ball and the Sox (owners of the best record in baseball) would have to be a .500 team for the remainder of the season. Impossible we all said.
Guess what...it happened.
The Sox currently stand 1.5 games up on the Yankees and are whimpering to the finish line. Manny, Ortiz and Youkilis are all hurt, JD Drew is still the team (how scared are you of Jacoby Ellsbury Mr. Drew?), Wakefield keeps forgetting games aren't batting practice and, for the love of God, will someone please shoot Eric Gagne right in his stupid goggles?!?!? Yet, I remain calm (ok, except for that last comment...but he's makes me sooo angry). Why? Because on Sunday afternoons this fall I've been swept away to a fantasy land filled with sugar plumbs, touchdowns and goody-gum-football drops. As long as Tom Tom keeps throwing touchdowns to Randy Moss Red Sox nation will steer clear of the proverbial ledge. Therefore, as a member of Red Sox Nation I'd like to extend my thanks.
Thank you Tom Brady for being the savior* of Red Sox Nation.
* Red Sox Nation reserves all rights to mercilessly boo Tom Brady, the New England Patriots and any associate of the two at any hint they do not continue their current pace of success, at which point we will claim we "saw this coming".
Friday, September 21, 2007
Ruler of Developer Land
Since moving into our new center I've taken claim to a fairly large (ok, extremely large) section of the office. It has been referred to as a country and I quite like being the sole ruler/citizen of Developer Land (catchy, no?). Developer Land is full of wonder, an old Apple IIe, music and, most importantly, 3 floor-to-ceiling windows to that mysterious "outdoors" thing. Being the sole ruler of a country isn't easy though, as there are certain tasks which must be attended. Like cleaning up the place when visitors come or plugging in the AC plant (that's right, my country has a plant that runs on AC power...eat it) or limiting the number of tourists during the day (they can be pesty). Overall, however, it's a grand life having your own country as no one ever complains when you dance on your desk because you got TCP/IP sockets to work correctly.
Times they are 'a changin' though. Today my first immigrant came begging to my borders, wishing to become a citizen in my glorious Developer Land. I've let him move in because I feel he can add to my countries exports (namely music, software, comedy, ranting and beer...well, that one's probably an import) and because my boss told me I had to. At first it's been rocky, my country now has a lot more "stuff" in it now. Mind you it is cool stuff (name me another country who's haptic device to citizen ratio is 2:1???) but the Apple IIe is getting a bit jealous of all these fancy Dell Inspirons laying about. Since my borders are now open I have decided to implement a tax system which Immigrant #001 has agreed to follow. Each month I must receive one random item from each citizen of Developer Land.
Tax Item 1: an empty desk drawer.
Yes, this is the life...indubitably.
Times they are 'a changin' though. Today my first immigrant came begging to my borders, wishing to become a citizen in my glorious Developer Land. I've let him move in because I feel he can add to my countries exports (namely music, software, comedy, ranting and beer...well, that one's probably an import) and because my boss told me I had to. At first it's been rocky, my country now has a lot more "stuff" in it now. Mind you it is cool stuff (name me another country who's haptic device to citizen ratio is 2:1???) but the Apple IIe is getting a bit jealous of all these fancy Dell Inspirons laying about. Since my borders are now open I have decided to implement a tax system which Immigrant #001 has agreed to follow. Each month I must receive one random item from each citizen of Developer Land.
Tax Item 1: an empty desk drawer.
Yes, this is the life...indubitably.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
I'm a Liar
Dear Body,
I know I promised fun times ahead but things happened. I'll be spending more time with Journal Paper over the next two weeks. I know what you're gonna say, "OMG, I can't believe it! That guy is such a dick!" You're right. He's controlling, demanding, harsh and cold. But I have to stick it out a little longer. We've got something special, they really know how to get you published in fancy things. It'll be best for both of us really.
I promise we'll go fishing one of these weekends, pal.
Writing 'n Professing,
Uber Geek
I know I promised fun times ahead but things happened. I'll be spending more time with Journal Paper over the next two weeks. I know what you're gonna say, "OMG, I can't believe it! That guy is such a dick!" You're right. He's controlling, demanding, harsh and cold. But I have to stick it out a little longer. We've got something special, they really know how to get you published in fancy things. It'll be best for both of us really.
I promise we'll go fishing one of these weekends, pal.
Writing 'n Professing,
Uber Geek
So Angry
I'm not one to make enemies very easily. I have only one arch-nemesis (who drives a silver Peugeot station wagon at a pace so slow he actually travels back in time) and he doesn't even know he's my arch-nemesis! Therefore, when someone becomes angered with me I take it to heart and really try to smoooooth over the situation. Right now you must be going up the walls thinking, "Who the hell is this guy that has the nerve to hate a poor, innocent geek?" Well, loyal readers it's someone who is all knowing in the ways just as I am, and knows how to get way down (waaaaay down) to the core of my being.
It's my being.
Ha, I tricked you. You thought this post was were my blog becomes some amazingly dark quest to rid the world of some anti-Uber Geek. In which we battle through time and (i'm using italics a lot today) space finding who is the superior, dominant geek blogger (I'd win by the way). You were wrong. I'm just gonna bitch and complain about my body being extremely pissed at the way I've been treating it this week.
I'll preface my description of the hellacious (great word) by saying (for my own, future benefit) that I am no longer 21. This whole staying up 'til the wee hours and then getting 4 hrs of sleep and doing it all over again just isn't for me anymore. And I'm not even doing fun stuff! Back when I was younger (I'm old just for saying that) I'd be up late going to parties, playing out in a band, bar hopping, doing awesomely dumb things ("...wanna know what would be a great idea? Let's take those huge 10ft. posters from the commuter cafe!"...yes, at 2AM one day we actually did that) and just basically relaxing having fun with my buddies (ah, the 453 days). This week I've just been up late writing a journal paper (stupid words) and preparing for class (I've changed curriculum again, at this rate by the end of class I'll just end up teaching them MatLab...mmm, MatLab).
So my body, currently being fueled by Pepsi Max (a great thing almost on par with the dew...i know, that's programmer blasphemy, but it's close) and some Lance Armstrong energy gummy cubes (from Nathan "Mountain Man" Buczek, of course), is quite angry with me. Today it's taking out it's rage by giving me 1) a runny nose, 2) light-head, 3) ADH...what was I talking about? But it's allllll worth it because this weekend begins a glorious time of what I like to call a "I get free time to do fun things for the first time in months". This next phase kicks off this weekend with the following activities:
Oh what a time to be alive.
It's my being.
Ha, I tricked you. You thought this post was were my blog becomes some amazingly dark quest to rid the world of some anti-Uber Geek. In which we battle through time and (i'm using italics a lot today) space finding who is the superior, dominant geek blogger (I'd win by the way). You were wrong. I'm just gonna bitch and complain about my body being extremely pissed at the way I've been treating it this week.
I'll preface my description of the hellacious (great word) by saying (for my own, future benefit) that I am no longer 21. This whole staying up 'til the wee hours and then getting 4 hrs of sleep and doing it all over again just isn't for me anymore. And I'm not even doing fun stuff! Back when I was younger (I'm old just for saying that) I'd be up late going to parties, playing out in a band, bar hopping, doing awesomely dumb things ("...wanna know what would be a great idea? Let's take those huge 10ft. posters from the commuter cafe!"...yes, at 2AM one day we actually did that) and just basically relaxing having fun with my buddies (ah, the 453 days). This week I've just been up late writing a journal paper (stupid words) and preparing for class (I've changed curriculum again, at this rate by the end of class I'll just end up teaching them MatLab...mmm, MatLab).
So my body, currently being fueled by Pepsi Max (a great thing almost on par with the dew...i know, that's programmer blasphemy, but it's close) and some Lance Armstrong energy gummy cubes (from Nathan "Mountain Man" Buczek, of course), is quite angry with me. Today it's taking out it's rage by giving me 1) a runny nose, 2) light-head, 3) ADH...what was I talking about? But it's allllll worth it because this weekend begins a glorious time of what I like to call a "I get free time to do fun things for the first time in months". This next phase kicks off this weekend with the following activities:
- Center grand opening (complete with wine and food!)
- Uber girlfriend comes home (I know...I don't know how I have a girlfriend either)
- Annual Pool St. yard sale (always so much fun and full of stupid things to buy)
- Beer brewing summit with da Meech
- RA in Northampton (if you don't know RA = Ryan Adams you may be on my arch nemesis list)
Oh what a time to be alive.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Back in the Saddle Again...for the First TIme
Teaching my first college course went pretty well (though technology derailed me in the first lecture...stupid projection systems). I didn't mislead the students (yet...muhahaha!), they seem to be fairly motivated (yay, curly brackets!!!) and, hey, it gets me outta work early twice a week! A first week of school at UMD for me wouldn't be complete, however, without some kind of screwup on their part. This fall the problem took the form of not allowing me access to the faculty side of COIN (which I'm convinced is powered by helper monkeys in the library basement...why would you ever shut down a server at 9PM!!!). It took 3 days to get to the bottom of the problem but UMD finally gave me a reason why when I log onto COIN I'm getting a message telling me I don't have the correct permissions (this isn't the military...C'MON!!!). The problem? You guessed it, Frank Stallone...no, I mean they still think I'm a student...again. I don't know how many times I have to tell this university they've given me a degree already. Once my degree actually comes in I'm gonna buy a gold chain and wear my Master's degree around my neck at all times. Then if anyone questions my adjunct faculty status I'll point to my chest and say, "Talk to the bling, bitch." That'll learn 'em.
Certain students in my course have already taken on stereotypical CIS student roles. Here's the breakdown so far.
The Nitpicker
A student who doesn't have a great handle on the material but will look for any opportunity to point out any tiny flaw in your reasoning. Thursday I broached the topic of boolean logic where 0 = false and 1 = true. The nitpicker then raised his hand.
"Question?" I asked.
"Yeah, but 1 isn't the only number that means true though because the book says that any non-zero number means true."
At this point he shows me the entry in the book (which he's underlined numerous times) where this is said. Of course, he and the book are correct but the standard for boolean logic is that it involves 1's and 0's because it's supposed to be SIMPLE! I told him that, while he can use 2345 and -24 to indicate true, no one else will know what he is talking about because 0 and 1 are the standards for boolean logic. Then I talked about what standards are for a minute, so it was actually good that he thought it'd be a great idea to use 3253226 to mean true.
Later he pulled the same question with my TA in lab, thus confirming his nitpicker status.
The Buddy:
The buddy is a student who approaches you early on the first day and tries to gain some repoire with you and act like he's your buddy. My buddy approached me prior to class and thought it'd be great to inform me that he is a computer wiz...though doesn't know any programming. He followed by name dropping that his dad was a computer technician (IT != CIS) and he wanted to do that and make lots of money (the real money's not in IT my friend). Later, in lab he tried the same approach with our TA but this backfired. Years prior, buddy worked at a local amusement park under the supervision of our TA and, let's suffice to say, it didn't work out well ::cough:: lazyslackerknowitall ::cough::, sorry something in my throat.
The Genius:
A student who believes they know everything about computer science...even though they are a freshman with NO credentials to back up their feelings of entitlement. My resident genius has yet to prove himself in the class but that has not stopped him from repeatedly acting like he should actually be teaching this course. Which I think he probably should because I firmly believe that proficiency in Visual Basic should allow you to be President of the Galaxy. The best moment so far (where I had to hold back stabby feelings) happened after the first lecture where I had the aforementioned technical difficulties. A number of students were milling about waiting to ask me questions and finally there were 2 left; The Genius and Norma L. Student.
"You can go first," says Norma L. Student.
"That's ok, you go. I'm just gonna fix his computer", states The Genius confidently.
You're gonna WHAT with my computer? FIX it? Wow, I didn't realize there was a problem. Please sir, enlighten me on the error of my ways.
"You have to change the input," The Genius professes.
"The input? Input to the projector? I know, that's what I was doing," I calmly retort.
"No, on your computer. You have to hit the function button and then one of the F keys," he proclaims not realizing how absolutely stupid he just sounded by claiming that to project your computer screen to a projector (some would call that OUTPUTTING) you actually need to change the input to your computer.
"Yeah, I know how to do that. That wasn't the problem, thanks," I say trying to ignore the Mortal Kombat-like voice in my head saying "Finish him!"
So for all of you who don't know how to hook up your computer to a projector, here's a little tip from The Genius. Make sure you change the INPUT to your computer because its actually the input source which will output your display to a projector.
Maybe next lab he can write a VB program to prove his douche-baggery.
Certain students in my course have already taken on stereotypical CIS student roles. Here's the breakdown so far.
The Nitpicker
A student who doesn't have a great handle on the material but will look for any opportunity to point out any tiny flaw in your reasoning. Thursday I broached the topic of boolean logic where 0 = false and 1 = true. The nitpicker then raised his hand.
"Question?" I asked.
"Yeah, but 1 isn't the only number that means true though because the book says that any non-zero number means true."
At this point he shows me the entry in the book (which he's underlined numerous times) where this is said. Of course, he and the book are correct but the standard for boolean logic is that it involves 1's and 0's because it's supposed to be SIMPLE! I told him that, while he can use 2345 and -24 to indicate true, no one else will know what he is talking about because 0 and 1 are the standards for boolean logic. Then I talked about what standards are for a minute, so it was actually good that he thought it'd be a great idea to use 3253226 to mean true.
Later he pulled the same question with my TA in lab, thus confirming his nitpicker status.
The Buddy:
The buddy is a student who approaches you early on the first day and tries to gain some repoire with you and act like he's your buddy. My buddy approached me prior to class and thought it'd be great to inform me that he is a computer wiz...though doesn't know any programming. He followed by name dropping that his dad was a computer technician (IT != CIS) and he wanted to do that and make lots of money (the real money's not in IT my friend). Later, in lab he tried the same approach with our TA but this backfired. Years prior, buddy worked at a local amusement park under the supervision of our TA and, let's suffice to say, it didn't work out well ::cough:: lazyslackerknowitall ::cough::, sorry something in my throat.
The Genius:
A student who believes they know everything about computer science...even though they are a freshman with NO credentials to back up their feelings of entitlement. My resident genius has yet to prove himself in the class but that has not stopped him from repeatedly acting like he should actually be teaching this course. Which I think he probably should because I firmly believe that proficiency in Visual Basic should allow you to be President of the Galaxy. The best moment so far (where I had to hold back stabby feelings) happened after the first lecture where I had the aforementioned technical difficulties. A number of students were milling about waiting to ask me questions and finally there were 2 left; The Genius and Norma L. Student.
"You can go first," says Norma L. Student.
"That's ok, you go. I'm just gonna fix his computer", states The Genius confidently.
You're gonna WHAT with my computer? FIX it? Wow, I didn't realize there was a problem. Please sir, enlighten me on the error of my ways.
"You have to change the input," The Genius professes.
"The input? Input to the projector? I know, that's what I was doing," I calmly retort.
"No, on your computer. You have to hit the function button and then one of the F keys," he proclaims not realizing how absolutely stupid he just sounded by claiming that to project your computer screen to a projector (some would call that OUTPUTTING) you actually need to change the input to your computer.
"Yeah, I know how to do that. That wasn't the problem, thanks," I say trying to ignore the Mortal Kombat-like voice in my head saying "Finish him!"
So for all of you who don't know how to hook up your computer to a projector, here's a little tip from The Genius. Make sure you change the INPUT to your computer because its actually the input source which will output your display to a projector.
Maybe next lab he can write a VB program to prove his douche-baggery.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Things That Really Grind My Geeeeeahs
Well, today's D-Day. I begin teaching my first college course today, CIS 115 Introduction to C Programming (I know its hard but, ladies, please keep your clothes on). I'm a tad nervous but the fact that my main goal of the day is to deter cheating in my class it could be worse. There are bigger things to attend however and it's time to grind some geahhhhhhhs!
All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.
Rodney Harrison (SS), New England Patriots
Strong safety...Pro-Bowler...All-Pro...Future Hall of Famer...Captain...Dumbest man alive.
The Patriots best defensive player, Asante Samuel, holds out for the entire preseason leaving people to question the strength of the secondary. Then, before the final preseason game, he agrees to terms and will be returning to play corner alongside you, the captain of the team...yay, all is well is Patriot-town.
But, wait...you what? You used HGH, a banned substance by the NFL? So now will be suspended for a quarter of the season? And you paid with your freakin' credit card? It's one thing to cheat and be a moron in that respect. But jesus, man, you make millions of dollars a year, you couldn't give the guy cash?
Yet another reason college athletes need to stay in school.
Grinding Rating: 7 e's
Looping
You're an ass
Grind Rating: 7 e's
Rochester Institute of Technology's CS Department
Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo isn't allowed to teach at RIT because he doesn't have a Master's degree because they won't give it to him because I'm 99% sure Kevin Federline runs the department
Grind Rating: 9,000 e's
UMD...WTF?
I attained a Master's degree this past summer...from UMD. A month ago I was approached, by UMD, to teach a programming course...at UMD. A couple of weeks ago I received a notice that I'd been hired as a part time lecturer at (you guessed it!), UMD. So it wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination for me to assume that I should be able to log onto our university info database doo hickey called COIN (worst invention since Hitler) as a faculty member. But, alas, I log in (without problem, mind you) to find a window popping up saying that I do not have access for this content. After calling I found out that UMD has no record of me being listed as faculty in the computing system...faaaaantastic.
At least I take solace that the UMD server is down on the first day of classes...take that university faculty trying to get their class rosters, muhahahaha!!!
Oh crap...that's me.
Grind Rating: a never ending bit-stream of e's
All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.
Rodney Harrison (SS), New England Patriots
Strong safety...Pro-Bowler...All-Pro...Future Hall of Famer...Captain...Dumbest man alive.
The Patriots best defensive player, Asante Samuel, holds out for the entire preseason leaving people to question the strength of the secondary. Then, before the final preseason game, he agrees to terms and will be returning to play corner alongside you, the captain of the team...yay, all is well is Patriot-town.
But, wait...you what? You used HGH, a banned substance by the NFL? So now will be suspended for a quarter of the season? And you paid with your freakin' credit card? It's one thing to cheat and be a moron in that respect. But jesus, man, you make millions of dollars a year, you couldn't give the guy cash?
Yet another reason college athletes need to stay in school.
Grinding Rating: 7 e's
Looping
You're an ass
Grind Rating: 7 e's
Rochester Institute of Technology's CS Department
Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo isn't allowed to teach at RIT because he doesn't have a Master's degree because they won't give it to him because I'm 99% sure Kevin Federline runs the department
Grind Rating: 9,000 e's
UMD...WTF?
I attained a Master's degree this past summer...from UMD. A month ago I was approached, by UMD, to teach a programming course...at UMD. A couple of weeks ago I received a notice that I'd been hired as a part time lecturer at (you guessed it!), UMD. So it wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination for me to assume that I should be able to log onto our university info database doo hickey called COIN (worst invention since Hitler) as a faculty member. But, alas, I log in (without problem, mind you) to find a window popping up saying that I do not have access for this content. After calling I found out that UMD has no record of me being listed as faculty in the computing system...faaaaantastic.
At least I take solace that the UMD server is down on the first day of classes...take that university faculty trying to get their class rosters, muhahahaha!!!
Oh crap...that's me.
Grind Rating: a never ending bit-stream of e's
Thursday, August 30, 2007
The Lights Went Out
I came into the center this morning and guess what? The internet disappeared! Apparently there was a problem in Boston at 3:30AM and UMD's connection to the glorious interweb is down (though the details lend me to believe it's a UMD blunder). Unfortunately, I can still connect to the online resources inside the network to do work. I mean, fortunately...yay, I love work! Now I'm left without my beloved digg, espn and trashy celeb news sites...what's a geek supposed to do? Write a blog post, that's what he's supposed to do. So this morning I will chronicle my failed efforts to get online forgetting the internet has been taken out back and shot (single tear) because, let's face it, I'm not that bright.
This might get long.
8:45 Loaded in new Grace Potter CD (mmm blues), but where are the songs names? Stupid internet controls everything
8:57 But I just wanna know the format of a SOAP message
9:11 What time's the Sox game tonight? Let's see, now where is the little hand when it's "Server Not Found"?
9:30 I miss my email
9:37 Oh, C'MON!
9:45 Look here interweb, I haven't made a footprint on you in over 12 hours. People most likely think I'm dead. Do you want that on your head? Really, it doesn't bother you? Oh you're so cold.
10:01 Billy Squier NEEDS me to read his lyrics for Lonely is the Night
10:20 Did you know that online banking is done online? That's deep.
10:32 Does BJ's Wholesale Club have Claritin cheaper than Walmart? Maybe and maybe CITS won't suck one day.
10:36 Of course, why WOULDN'T there be a woot-off today...wtf?
10:50 Why do we have 23 MacBooks in the conference room? So I can steal them to keep an eye said woot-off by connecting to a non-UMD wireless router...I am so lame
11:27 Why am I still complaining about getting online when I have a connected MacBook you ask? Because it's alllll the way on the back of my desk like 10in. away, at least...very inconvenient
11:38 I've grown tired of you blog post. The interweb and I have reconnected (albeit we're not what we used to be) and it's time for us to move on.
This might get long.
8:45 Loaded in new Grace Potter CD (mmm blues), but where are the songs names? Stupid internet controls everything
8:57 But I just wanna know the format of a SOAP message
9:11 What time's the Sox game tonight? Let's see, now where is the little hand when it's "Server Not Found"?
9:30 I miss my email
9:37 Oh, C'MON!
9:45 Look here interweb, I haven't made a footprint on you in over 12 hours. People most likely think I'm dead. Do you want that on your head? Really, it doesn't bother you? Oh you're so cold.
10:01 Billy Squier NEEDS me to read his lyrics for Lonely is the Night
10:20 Did you know that online banking is done online? That's deep.
10:32 Does BJ's Wholesale Club have Claritin cheaper than Walmart? Maybe and maybe CITS won't suck one day.
10:36 Of course, why WOULDN'T there be a woot-off today...wtf?
10:50 Why do we have 23 MacBooks in the conference room? So I can steal them to keep an eye said woot-off by connecting to a non-UMD wireless router...I am so lame
11:27 Why am I still complaining about getting online when I have a connected MacBook you ask? Because it's alllll the way on the back of my desk like 10in. away, at least...very inconvenient
11:38 I've grown tired of you blog post. The interweb and I have reconnected (albeit we're not what we used to be) and it's time for us to move on.
Monday, August 27, 2007
The New Spokesperson for US Education
I've worked in the field of educational research for over 7 years now building math education software. As a project, our goal has always been to democratize access to high-level mathematics. Calculus concepts are not just for hifalutin learned folks, most normal students can understand it given the proper instruction. Of course, proper instruction is normally the problem with today's school systems. We here at the center have long been looking for some kind of spokesperson who could articulate the reasoning and results of having such poor teaching techniques.
Miss Teen South Carolina is that spokesperson
Why can't kids can't find the US on a map? Because they don't have them and the US education system doesn't help South Africa, Asia and Iraq enough.
I've been saying that for years.
Miss Teen South Carolina is that spokesperson
Why can't kids can't find the US on a map? Because they don't have them and the US education system doesn't help South Africa, Asia and Iraq enough.
I've been saying that for years.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
I'm Not Dead, Promise
Dear Neglected Readers,
I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. It's not that I don't think you're cool, I really really do. I'm just in a weird place right now and I just, ummm, well. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's me not you. There's a lot going on right now. My hair's been really dirty lately so I've been washing it and, like, the other day I was abducted by these aliens (I know, crazy). So you can see it's been really hectic for me but I totally think we should get together sometime soon.
I'll call you,
The Uber Geek
P.S Instead of waiting around the phone go see Superbad...dooooo it!
I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. It's not that I don't think you're cool, I really really do. I'm just in a weird place right now and I just, ummm, well. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's me not you. There's a lot going on right now. My hair's been really dirty lately so I've been washing it and, like, the other day I was abducted by these aliens (I know, crazy). So you can see it's been really hectic for me but I totally think we should get together sometime soon.
I'll call you,
The Uber Geek
P.S Instead of waiting around the phone go see Superbad...dooooo it!
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Just Say No...Where's the Fun In That?
Mr. T had it right, "Just say no and don't give me no jibba jabba, foo!" Lately I've found that I have problems saying "No" to people. Over the summer I've gotten into the following endeavors by not listening to Mr. T:
Does that make me a work slut?
- Design proof-of-concept framework for web service composition
- Playing at ye ole Miller's...again (wedn1te!dr1nks4cheep!!!1)
- Write a letter of support for a professor's tenure application
- Yoga...the quest to be bendy
- Design a software project for students in a software engineering course at UMD
- Write a journal paper on system reliabilities
- Pledging undying allegiance to the Sox stretch run (Paps 4 President '08!)
- Become a raging dress shirt-aholic (no worries, though, I make sure to unbutton it enough so my No Problemo t-shirt is clearly visible)
- Contribute to a conference paper on formalizing the definition of a system reliability model
- Teaching a course on programming in C at UMD in the fall
- Joining a band (with a drummer and everything!)
- Researching PhD programs (oh man, I'm goin' back to school?...wtf)
- Designing and implementing super secret Kaput Center project
- Maintaining a blog to write a post on the copious amount of things I'm doing
Does that make me a work slut?
Monday, August 13, 2007
That's Bush League
While running around the office this morning printing out exorbitant copies of my thesis (insert happy thesis dance) I was reminded of a favorite phrase of mine: bush league. According to wikipedia bush league is defined as:
Lately I've been reminded of a few bush league things happening around here. Annnnnnd I have a blog. That means you get to hear about them...you love it.
That's Bush League:
a general term used to describe an action or thing as being amateur, inferior or crudeThe term derives from the bush leagues of baseball. These are the borderline sunday-afternoon-kegs-at-every-base-play-'til-you're-too-drunk-rec-league type of minor league teams whose fields would be overrun by weeds and bushes. Bush league teams are usually full of young bumbling fielders and inept batters who couldn't hit the side of a mac truck with a tree. Picture the Pirates and the Devil Rays...but 100 times worse (scary, I know). I used to use the Brewers for example of MLB craptacularocity but they're actually kinda good this year (side note: Brewers = most alcoholic team name ever?). But I digress...
Lately I've been reminded of a few bush league things happening around here. Annnnnnd I have a blog. That means you get to hear about them...you love it.
That's Bush League:
- Arguing for 30 min in favor of your own bad idea, getting your way due to aggravation and then backing off when you find out YOU have to do the work
- Using boldface on your thesis signature page...C'MON!
- Whooping it up like it's Fat Tuesday on Bourbon Street then complaining a discrete phone call is bothersome...just to remind you
- Screwing up Sympathy for the Devil...for weeks (E D A E...sing it with me, Eeee Deee Aaaa Eeee)
- Butt rockers such as Hinder, Seether, Puddle of Mudd, Nickelback and Lifehouse...please go away
- Forgetting that "i" comes before "e"...except after "c" (aye, there's the rub)
- IT professionals who don't know that a web server has to actually be running for it to, you know, serve people
- Blowing 2 saves and having a 15+ ERA since you were traded to the team with the best bullpen in baseball...Mr. GAGne are you any relation to Heathcliff Slocumb?
- Burning sweet bread...le sigh.
Friday, August 10, 2007
Food For Thought
My mind is currently in a thrashing phase (what a great cs term). I'm building some functionality which has it's meaty, little, virtual paws all over the code like a creepy family friend who's all about ABT. My situation is roughly equivalent to making a big breakfast, eating 3 bites, driving to alaska to check the temperature, stopping in texas to think about cows for a second, getting home and eating the rest of your breakfast only 1/2 through you realize you forgot to pick up salmon in seattle so you drive to maine for some chowder.
Interesting, no?
But no matter my state of mind, I just had a random realization about the next few months of my life...I'll be teaching a college course this fall to freshman. Do you know what that means?
This blog is gonna be filled with awesome stories about how dumb my students are!!!
I can't wait...here's a muppet video for reasons unknown.
Interesting, no?
But no matter my state of mind, I just had a random realization about the next few months of my life...I'll be teaching a college course this fall to freshman. Do you know what that means?
This blog is gonna be filled with awesome stories about how dumb my students are!!!
I can't wait...here's a muppet video for reasons unknown.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Thesis-izing
Hmmm, it seems I haven't been writing much (read: anything) lately and I do apologize. I had a grand scheme to bring back What's Lamer??? yesterday but Blogger isn't cooperating and I'm busy...so sue me. This busyness will probably be carrying through the weekend as I attempt to accomplish the following:
- see the Meech
- shave
- finish thesis-izing Thesis (haven't I said that before?)
- write journal paper draft (on an automated algorithm which converts a dynamic reliability block diagram into...wow, that is so not interesting)
- eat grapes
- play basketball (while not getting too scared of black people)
- enjoy life (???)
- building java-like things (bleh)
- guitar'n it like old times
- Hot Rod (ultimate punch!!!)
- eating (mmm)
- summoning the spirit of the noble octopus
- watched Dave Matthews play a retarded piano player on House (art imitating life?)
- smooth movin' it
- marveling at the matrix-like fighting skills of my cats
Monday, August 6, 2007
Things That Really Grind My Geeeeeahs
Today has been a pretty good day thus far. I've got a new blog up and running (boo to the ya), a free new tv is on it's way (Vizio = the shiznit) and, most imporantly, a nice non-cheating Indian grad student gave me a cookie. Yet, even with the great day (or because of???) I've got some things that really grind my geeeeeeahs!
All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.
Mondays
Who do you think you are? You just barge in here and screw up my whole weekend by telling me, "Hey, lazy-ass you gotta get back to work". And what do you offer me? From the months of January to May you give me 24, but the last two seasons have sucked so you don't get credit. Then from July to August you'll play Hell's Kitchen (amazing), ok, I'll give you points. During the fall we get a Monday Night Football but it's starts so damn late that the games usually end on Tuesday...you lose points for lateness and sharing. Therefore, Mondays you give one cool service which lasts only 1 hour a day for 1 month a year. Doing the math, that comes out to Mondays contributing something cool for 0.00114% of the year. Even Julio Lugo contributes more...oh snap!
Grinding Rating: 4 e's
FOX Broadcasting
Remember that show called Arrested Development? It was pretty much the greatest thing you ever did and you cancelled it. I watched the ending of the 3rd (and final) season yesterday afternoon and came to a conclusion...you suck! And would it hurt you to get my FOX HD channel to come in better?
Grind Rating: 9 e's
Java Message Passing
You know what you did
Grind Rating: 7 e's
Rochester Institute of Technology's CS Department
Heres a little biographical sketch of two people I know: Johnny Fuckup and Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo. Johnny and Billy are entered in the Computer Science PhD program up at RIT. They've been there for over a year now and have taken the exact same courses. Given they pass the comprehensive exams they'll have enough credits to earn a Master's Degree of Science. These exams involve a 10 page paper which will showcase your breadth of knowledge in 5 separate disciplines within Computer Science. Out of 30 points Billy scores 27 (the highest of anyone) while Johnny scores only 11 and fails.
POP QUIZ: Which PhD student gets the master's degree?
If you answered Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo you would be so dead wrong it's not even funny. Apparently written into the degree requirements students who fail the exams are the only ones who will receive a MS degree because they could use it as backup given they never pass the exam. Here's two problems with that:
I believe Kevin Federline is currently the dean of students.
Grind Rating: 8 billion e's
All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.
Mondays
Who do you think you are? You just barge in here and screw up my whole weekend by telling me, "Hey, lazy-ass you gotta get back to work". And what do you offer me? From the months of January to May you give me 24, but the last two seasons have sucked so you don't get credit. Then from July to August you'll play Hell's Kitchen (amazing), ok, I'll give you points. During the fall we get a Monday Night Football but it's starts so damn late that the games usually end on Tuesday...you lose points for lateness and sharing. Therefore, Mondays you give one cool service which lasts only 1 hour a day for 1 month a year. Doing the math, that comes out to Mondays contributing something cool for 0.00114% of the year. Even Julio Lugo contributes more...oh snap!
Grinding Rating: 4 e's
FOX Broadcasting
Remember that show called Arrested Development? It was pretty much the greatest thing you ever did and you cancelled it. I watched the ending of the 3rd (and final) season yesterday afternoon and came to a conclusion...you suck! And would it hurt you to get my FOX HD channel to come in better?
Grind Rating: 9 e's
Java Message Passing
You know what you did
Grind Rating: 7 e's
Rochester Institute of Technology's CS Department
Heres a little biographical sketch of two people I know: Johnny Fuckup and Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo. Johnny and Billy are entered in the Computer Science PhD program up at RIT. They've been there for over a year now and have taken the exact same courses. Given they pass the comprehensive exams they'll have enough credits to earn a Master's Degree of Science. These exams involve a 10 page paper which will showcase your breadth of knowledge in 5 separate disciplines within Computer Science. Out of 30 points Billy scores 27 (the highest of anyone) while Johnny scores only 11 and fails.
POP QUIZ: Which PhD student gets the master's degree?
If you answered Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo you would be so dead wrong it's not even funny. Apparently written into the degree requirements students who fail the exams are the only ones who will receive a MS degree because they could use it as backup given they never pass the exam. Here's two problems with that:
- Its the dumbest thing I've ever heard
- Nope, its just pretty much the dumbest thing I've ever heard
I believe Kevin Federline is currently the dean of students.
Grind Rating: 8 billion e's
Sunday, August 5, 2007
What's a Geek?
Most people view geeks as these socially awkward "I'm 34 and living in my mom's basement" type people who obsess about the latest blu-ray innovation by the PS3 (ugh, what a horrible gaming console). Even my beloved wikipedia makes the following definition of a geek:
So, while Merrimam-Webster lump geeks into the nerd/Ozzy Osbourne category, I'm here to set the record straight. People can be geeks about anything and, most importantly, you can still function normally (well, relatively normal) in this social world we live in! Geekdom is not about living your life in a constant reenactment of Voldemort's second rise to power (though it very well could be) . It's pretty much just being totally and insanely fascinated about something for the simple reason that you think it's the cat's pajamas (who says that?). And, given you're not a closet geek, you have no shame in blabbering on about the latest toolbox additions to Matlab (oh, Matlab, how much I love thee).
That said, my aim in creating this blog is to inform the world on issues and ideas I hold dear to my heart. There are things in the world these days which people need to think about and solution to problems such as famine and terrorism that must be addressed. This blog is a small but first...
I'm just kidding.
I just really like talking about Wii Sports.
The word geek has recently come to be used to refer to a person who is fascinated by knowledge and imagination, usually electronic or virtual in nature.Merriam-Webster follows with an equally nerdifying (though much more entertaining) definition of a geek:
1: a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usually includes biting
the head off a live chicken, bat or snake
2: a person often of an intellectual bent who is disliked
3: an enthusiast or expert especially in a technological field or activity
So, while Merrimam-Webster lump geeks into the nerd/Ozzy Osbourne category, I'm here to set the record straight. People can be geeks about anything and, most importantly, you can still function normally (well, relatively normal) in this social world we live in! Geekdom is not about living your life in a constant reenactment of Voldemort's second rise to power (though it very well could be) . It's pretty much just being totally and insanely fascinated about something for the simple reason that you think it's the cat's pajamas (who says that?). And, given you're not a closet geek, you have no shame in blabbering on about the latest toolbox additions to Matlab (oh, Matlab, how much I love thee).
That said, my aim in creating this blog is to inform the world on issues and ideas I hold dear to my heart. There are things in the world these days which people need to think about and solution to problems such as famine and terrorism that must be addressed. This blog is a small but first...
I'm just kidding.
I just really like talking about Wii Sports.
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