The Lights Went Out

I came into the center this morning and guess what? The internet disappeared! Apparently there was a problem in Boston at 3:30AM and UMD's connection to the glorious interweb is down (though the details lend me to believe it's a UMD blunder). Unfortunately, I can still connect to the online resources inside the network to do work. I mean, fortunately...yay, I love work! Now I'm left without my beloved digg, espn and trashy celeb news sites...what's a geek supposed to do? Write a blog post, that's what he's supposed to do. So this morning I will chronicle my failed efforts to get online forgetting the internet has been taken out back and shot (single tear) because, let's face it, I'm not that bright.

This might get long.

8:45 Loaded in new Grace Potter CD (mmm blues), but where are the songs names? Stupid internet controls everything
8:57 But I just wanna know the format of a SOAP message
9:11 What time's the Sox game tonight? Let's see, now where is the little hand when it's "Server Not Found"?
9:30 I miss my email
9:37 Oh, C'MON!
9:45 Look here interweb, I haven't made a footprint on you in over 12 hours. People most likely think I'm dead. Do you want that on your head? Really, it doesn't bother you? Oh you're so cold.
10:01 Billy Squier NEEDS me to read his lyrics for Lonely is the Night
10:20 Did you know that online banking is done online? That's deep.
10:32 Does BJ's Wholesale Club have Claritin cheaper than Walmart? Maybe and maybe CITS won't suck one day.
10:36 Of course, why WOULDN'T there be a woot-off today...wtf?
10:50 Why do we have 23 MacBooks in the conference room? So I can steal them to keep an eye said woot-off by connecting to a non-UMD wireless router...I am so lame
11:27 Why am I still complaining about getting online when I have a connected MacBook you ask? Because it's alllll the way on the back of my desk like 10in. away, at least...very inconvenient
11:38 I've grown tired of you blog post. The interweb and I have reconnected (albeit we're not what we used to be) and it's time for us to move on.

The New Spokesperson for US Education

I've worked in the field of educational research for over 7 years now building math education software. As a project, our goal has always been to democratize access to high-level mathematics. Calculus concepts are not just for hifalutin learned folks, most normal students can understand it given the proper instruction. Of course, proper instruction is normally the problem with today's school systems. We here at the center have long been looking for some kind of spokesperson who could articulate the reasoning and results of having such poor teaching techniques.

Miss Teen South Carolina is that spokesperson

Why can't kids can't find the US on a map? Because they don't have them and the US education system doesn't help South Africa, Asia and Iraq enough.

I've been saying that for years.

I'm Not Dead, Promise

Dear Neglected Readers,

I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. It's not that I don't think you're cool, I really really do. I'm just in a weird place right now and I just, ummm, well. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's me not you. There's a lot going on right now. My hair's been really dirty lately so I've been washing it and, like, the other day I was abducted by these aliens (I know, crazy). So you can see it's been really hectic for me but I totally think we should get together sometime soon.

I'll call you,
The Uber Geek

P.S Instead of waiting around the phone go see Superbad...dooooo it!

Just Say No...Where's the Fun In That?

Mr. T had it right, "Just say no and don't give me no jibba jabba, foo!" Lately I've found that I have problems saying "No" to people. Over the summer I've gotten into the following endeavors by not listening to Mr. T:

• Design proof-of-concept framework for web service composition
• Playing at ye ole Miller's...again (wedn1te!dr1nks4cheep!!!1)
• Write a letter of support for a professor's tenure application
• Yoga...the quest to be bendy
  
• Design a software project for students in a software engineering course at UMD
• Write a journal paper on system reliabilities
• Pledging undying allegiance to the Sox stretch run (Paps 4 President '08!)
• Become a raging dress shirt-aholic (no worries, though, I make sure to unbutton it enough so my No Problemo t-shirt is clearly visible)
  
• Contribute to a conference paper on formalizing the definition of a system reliability model
• Teaching a course on programming in C at UMD in the fall
  
• Joining a band (with a drummer and everything!)
• Researching PhD programs (oh man, I'm goin' back to school?...wtf)
  
• Designing and implementing super secret Kaput Center project
• Maintaining a blog to write a post on the copious amount of things I'm doing
  

Not that I'm regretting any of those decisions, I just felt like whining a bit because it's sunny out and I'm inside watching birds fly into my window (hee hee, stupid birds). So, if you got some work to do, just ask me to do it...I'm probably gonna say yes.

Does that make me a work slut?

That's Bush League

While running around the office this morning printing out exorbitant copies of my thesis (insert happy thesis dance) I was reminded of a favorite phrase of mine: bush league. According to wikipedia bush league is defined as:

a general term used to describe an action or thing as being amateur, inferior or crude

The term derives from the bush leagues of baseball. These are the borderline sunday-afternoon-kegs-at-every-base-play-'til-you're-too-drunk-rec-league type of minor league teams whose fields would be overrun by weeds and bushes. Bush league teams are usually full of young bumbling fielders and inept batters who couldn't hit the side of a mac truck with a tree. Picture the Pirates and the Devil Rays...but 100 times worse (scary, I know). I used to use the Brewers for example of MLB craptacularocity but they're actually kinda good this year (side note: Brewers = most alcoholic team name ever?). But I digress...

Lately I've been reminded of a few bush league things happening around here. Annnnnnd I have a blog. That means you get to hear about them...you love it.

That's Bush League:

1. Arguing for 30 min in favor of your own bad idea, getting your way due to aggravation and then backing off when you find out YOU have to do the work
2. Using boldface on your thesis signature page...C'MON!
3. Whooping it up like it's Fat Tuesday on Bourbon Street then complaining a discrete phone call is bothersome...just to remind you
   
4. Screwing up Sympathy for the Devil...for weeks (E D A E...sing it with me, Eeee Deee Aaaa Eeee)
5. Butt rockers such as Hinder, Seether, Puddle of Mudd, Nickelback and Lifehouse...please go away
6. Forgetting that "i" comes before "e"...except after "c" (aye, there's the rub)
7. IT professionals who don't know that a web server has to actually be running for it to, you know, serve people
8. Blowing 2 saves and having a 15+ ERA since you were traded to the team with the best bullpen in baseball...Mr. GAGne are you any relation to Heathcliff Slocumb?
   
9. Burning sweet bread...le sigh.
   

Food For Thought

My mind is currently in a thrashing phase (what a great cs term). I'm building some functionality which has it's meaty, little, virtual paws all over the code like a creepy family friend who's all about ABT. My situation is roughly equivalent to making a big breakfast, eating 3 bites, driving to alaska to check the temperature, stopping in texas to think about cows for a second, getting home and eating the rest of your breakfast only 1/2 through you realize you forgot to pick up salmon in seattle so you drive to maine for some chowder.

Interesting, no?

But no matter my state of mind, I just had a random realization about the next few months of my life...I'll be teaching a college course this fall to freshman. Do you know what that means?

This blog is gonna be filled with awesome stories about how dumb my students are!!!

I can't wait...here's a muppet video for reasons unknown.

Thesis-izing

Hmmm, it seems I haven't been writing much (read: anything) lately and I do apologize. I had a grand scheme to bring back What's Lamer??? yesterday but Blogger isn't cooperating and I'm busy...so sue me. This busyness will probably be carrying through the weekend as I attempt to accomplish the following:

1. see the Meech
2. shave
3. finish thesis-izing Thesis (haven't I said that before?)
4. write journal paper draft (on an automated algorithm which converts a dynamic reliability block diagram into...wow, that is so not interesting)
5. eat grapes
6. play basketball (while not getting too scared of black people)
   
7. enjoy life (???)

Oh, you probably wanna know what's making me so busy the last few days, or not (I'm not here to make assumptions). I'm telling whether you like it not though...so there!

1. building java-like things (bleh)
2. guitar'n it like old times
3. Hot Rod (ultimate punch!!!)
4. eating (mmm)
   
5. summoning the spirit of the noble octopus
6. watched Dave Matthews play a retarded piano player on House (art imitating life?)
   
7. smooth movin' it
8. marveling at the matrix-like fighting skills of my cats
   

I love lists.

Things That Really Grind My Geeeeeahs

Today has been a pretty good day thus far. I've got a new blog up and running (boo to the ya), a free new tv is on it's way (Vizio = the shiznit) and, most imporantly, a nice non-cheating Indian grad student gave me a cookie. Yet, even with the great day (or because of???) I've got some things that really grind my geeeeeeahs!

All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.

Mondays
Who do you think you are? You just barge in here and screw up my whole weekend by telling me, "Hey, lazy-ass you gotta get back to work". And what do you offer me? From the months of January to May you give me 24, but the last two seasons have sucked so you don't get credit. Then from July to August you'll play Hell's Kitchen (amazing), ok, I'll give you points. During the fall we get a Monday Night Football but it's starts so damn late that the games usually end on Tuesday...you lose points for lateness and sharing. Therefore, Mondays you give one cool service which lasts only 1 hour a day for 1 month a year. Doing the math, that comes out to Mondays contributing something cool for 0.00114% of the year. Even Julio Lugo contributes more...oh snap!
Grinding Rating: 4 e's

FOX Broadcasting
Remember that show called Arrested Development? It was pretty much the greatest thing you ever did and you cancelled it. I watched the ending of the 3rd (and final) season yesterday afternoon and came to a conclusion...you suck! And would it hurt you to get my FOX HD channel to come in better?
Grind Rating: 9 e's

Java Message Passing
You know what you did
Grind Rating: 7 e's

Rochester Institute of Technology's CS Department
Heres a little biographical sketch of two people I know: Johnny Fuckup and Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo. Johnny and Billy are entered in the Computer Science PhD program up at RIT. They've been there for over a year now and have taken the exact same courses. Given they pass the comprehensive exams they'll have enough credits to earn a Master's Degree of Science. These exams involve a 10 page paper which will showcase your breadth of knowledge in 5 separate disciplines within Computer Science. Out of 30 points Billy scores 27 (the highest of anyone) while Johnny scores only 11 and fails.

POP QUIZ: Which PhD student gets the master's degree?

If you answered Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo you would be so dead wrong it's not even funny. Apparently written into the degree requirements students who fail the exams are the only ones who will receive a MS degree because they could use it as backup given they never pass the exam. Here's two problems with that:

1. Its the dumbest thing I've ever heard
2. Nope, its just pretty much the dumbest thing I've ever heard

A good friend of mine is in a situation at RIT much like young Billy here. He had been told he could have a teaching assistantship while completing his doctorate, however, the school requires he own a MS degree. Unfortunately for my friend he happens to be really smart and he passed the comprehensive exam and, therefore, isn't eligible to receive a MS degree.

I believe Kevin Federline is currently the dean of students.
Grind Rating: 8 billion e's

What's a Geek?

Most people view geeks as these socially awkward "I'm 34 and living in my mom's basement" type people who obsess about the latest blu-ray innovation by the PS3 (ugh, what a horrible gaming console). Even my beloved wikipedia makes the following definition of a geek:

The word geek has recently come to be used to refer to a person who is fascinated by knowledge and imagination, usually electronic or virtual in nature.

Merriam-Webster follows with an equally nerdifying (though much more entertaining) definition of a geek:

1: a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usually includes biting
the head off a live chicken, bat or snake
2: a person often of an intellectual bent who is disliked
3: an enthusiast or expert especially in a technological field or activity

So, while Merrimam-Webster lump geeks into the nerd/Ozzy Osbourne category, I'm here to set the record straight. People can be geeks about anything and, most importantly, you can still function normally (well, relatively normal) in this social world we live in! Geekdom is not about living your life in a constant reenactment of Voldemort's second rise to power (though it very well could be) . It's pretty much just being totally and insanely fascinated about something for the simple reason that you think it's the cat's pajamas (who says that?). And, given you're not a closet geek, you have no shame in blabbering on about the latest toolbox additions to Matlab (oh, Matlab, how much I love thee).

That said, my aim in creating this blog is to inform the world on issues and ideas I hold dear to my heart. There are things in the world these days which people need to think about and solution to problems such as famine and terrorism that must be addressed. This blog is a small but first...

I'm just kidding.

I just really like talking about Wii Sports.