Browns vs. Mini-Patriots

It's just about kickoff and I'm ready to go. I've got Mountain Dew, burgers, chips, a laptop, HD picture and the satisfaction that I just created the greatest acronym ever (FOWL-S...I'm making a simplified version of OWL-S which I'm calling fake OWL-S...I'm amazing). So off we go with the live (illegal) blogging. I'll write a bunch of stuff and then post it every 15-20 min or something...gosh, get off my case!

12:51: Pregame with Dan, Shannon and Boomer. I know he's been retired forever and I should just let this go but...wouldn't it be awesome if Shannon Sharpe just leveled Dan Marino?
1:03: Browns 0 Patriots 0...closest score all game?
1:10: Wow, Randy Moss really sucks
1:12: Someone forgot to tell the Browns they don't have to count MISSISSIPPI's before rushing the quarterback
1:16: 5-6 57 yards on opening drive and only a field goal? C'mon! Put in Cassell.
1:23: Am I wrong in thinking Ellis Hobbs is the greatest thing ever? Yeah, you're right, I'm not.
1:26: Fun facts:

1. Willie MacGinnest was #55 for the Patriots for near a decade. The year after he left Junior Seau joined the Patriots after coming out of retirement and now wears #55. Big Willie took exception to this.
2. Willie MacGinnest took #55 as a rookie in honor of Junior Seau (#55 for San Diego Chargers)
3. Junior Seau just picked off a pass in the endzone..eat it Willie.

1:30: The proliferation of Dodge ads makes me want to buy one. Sorry, that's not what I meant. I meant to say "The proliferation of Dodge ads makes me want to get a time machine, go back to when CBS sold ad time to Dodge and punch everyone in the room."
1:33: First Asante picks off Anderson (again) then Donte "I kinda look like Randy Moss" Stallworth shakes that guy off like those bugs on the banana in Smooth Moves. The rout is on.
1:42: Oh my god, the Brown's Punter (Scott Player) is the coolest looking football player ever. Not only does he have the one bar mask (hardcore), he has a bleach blonde molester mustache!
1:47: Laurence Maroney has barely played today. They don't seem to be missing a beat, but I'm curious as to where's Laurence?
1:49: Well, there you go. Laurence has an injured crotchal region...thank you Dan Fouts.
1:51: I bet if Tom Brady was throwing to Tom Brady there would never be a dropped pass. I vote we sign these guys in the offseason.
1:54: If Webster had a definition for "overdramatic" Dan Fouts would be pictured...oh, they do. Hi Dan.
1:59: Sammy Morris is a truck. On a sidenote, Randy Moss has not played much of a role today (minus a couple small catches and a nice block two seconds ago). I wonder if today is the day he finally falters back to bad Randy or we finally go "wow, this guy really is a team player." Something to think about. Also think about Shrinky Dinks.
2:05: Another field goal. I'm afraid to say, but the Browns are one big play from being right in this game.
2:12: CBS just lost their HD signal. This is just awful. How am I supposed to see the amount of plaque on Matt Light's teeth now?
2:17: Scare over...HD back...Matt Light needs to brush more.
2:18: Interception #2 on the day for Junior Seau. Hey, where's Adalius going and why is he limping?
2:19: Much love for Donte Stallworth today from Tom Brady. They need a touchdown on this drive.
2:21: Ben Watson couldn't have been more wide open. I've just realized I've been calling Dan Dierdorf "Dan Fouts" all afternoon. Wow, what was I thinking. That's like mixing up Randy Cross and Paul Maguire...yeah, exactly.
2:25: Teddy Bruschi's got wings yo.
2:29: Halftime at Gillete: Pats 20 Browns 0. The scary thing is it should be 28-0. I'll be back for the start of the 3rd quarter. Now it's time to figure out how I'm gonna teach functions in C this week (I live an adventurous life).
2:43: Things that are indestructible: stainless steel, Chuck Norris, quarks, Adalius Thomas.
2:47: Who calls an end around for a tight-end?
2:54: I still say the Browns are one big play from getting back in this game. The Pats have had too many missed opportunities on offense (only a New England fan would complain about being up 20-0).
2:58: And the Browns are on the board, 20-3 Pats.
3:03: I feel like I could recite the plotline for every CBS show.
3:05: Worst quarter of the season for the Patriots. The offense needs a touchdown on the next drive.
3:11: Rodney Harrison redeems that stupid facemask penalty...ouch.
3:12: Seriously, it doesn't get cooler than Scott Player.
3:17: Staaaaaaagnant.
3:19: Its a whole new ballgame if the Browns find the endzone. Dan, I'm with you. After three it's still 20-3.
3:25: Great, juuuuuust great. Browns just got a big play, 20-10. Umm, can I order a Randy Moss touchdown please?
3:32: Wes Welker is what I call "gritty". Touchdown...we need a touchdown.
3:36: They make it look so easy, 27-10.
3:42: Sometimes I feel Belichick just gets bored and challenges anything (great catch by Braylon Edwards).
3:46: Dear Dan Dierdorf,
That was a designed pitchout to the WR. Please pay attention.
you're welcome,
Uber Geek
3:48: Vince Wilfork scares the crap out of me.
3:52: Heath Evans, you're a douchebag...we need another TD!
3:57: We're gonna beat the Browns by 10? Really?
3:58: What the hell is happening? How did Tom Tom miss that pass to Moss?
4:04: This lackadaisical game is actually good for the Pats. Now they'll probably get a huge fire lit under their ass for the big game against Dallas next weekend. I would not want to be in the meetings on Monday morning.
4:14: Randall Gay keeps the 30 point streak alive with a fumble recovery for touchdown...under review
4:16: Ruling on the field stands. Patriots have scored 21 points off turnovers today
4:19: No touchdown, no touchdown, no touchdown...
4:21: Ellis Hobbs is the man. Patriots win 34-17, time to see how the Sox are doing in Anaheim. Oh, look at that back-to-back homers by Ortiz and Manny...what a time to be alive.