Things That Really Grind My Geeeeeahs

I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks. This weekend I'll be playing music for old people (I get to play loud because they can't hear!) and hitting up the MIT SwapFest Sunday with the uber girlfriend...mmm technology. Then next week I get to frighten my students with a midterm...muhahaha! I am an evil, evil man.

Today, however, is devoted to giving thanks. Yes, yes, I realize Thanksgiving is still a month away but why can't I give thanks every day? So in the spirit of ranting, oops, I mean thanking (silly me, what am I thinking?) I'll be thanking all those people recently that really grind my geeeeeeahs!

All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.

Jack from Millers Homeport
For the last two years I've been playing every Wednesday night at Miller's Homeport with my buddy Brad. We're are nothing fancy but we turn out some decent cover tunes and, if you're lucky, we might play one of our 3 original tunes! At the beginning we used to draw a huge (mostly college) crowd but over the last 7 months it's been dwindling. Last night we played to 4 people...that's right, 4 people! At the end of the night the bartender told us we wouldn't be getting paid...we're getting a pink slip! So I'd like to thank Jack the sleezy owner who was actually there in person before we played. Thank you Jack for not promoting us for the last two years. And thank you for having us play past closing when it's busy for no extra money. Most of all though, thanks for screwing us over one last time by getting a free show out of us. You truly are a world-class douchebag.

Grinding Rating: 666 e's

Al Gore
I blame you sir for stealing my Fall, the most glorious of all seasons. If you hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize the Weather wouldn't have gotten all those "global warming " ideas in it's head. Now, the Weather has latched onto your views and feels that there's no better time for 75 degree weather than the middle of October. So thank you Al Gore for allowing me to get all the climatic benefits of Florida in New England with none of the old people in golf carts.

Grind Rating: 7 e's, a drowning polar bear and two melting glaciers

Christopher Columbus
Last Monday was Columbus Day. A time for discovery, peace and the phrase "Wait, why is this a holiday?". Due to this abrupt change in schedule my class and lab for Tuesday was canceled...let the stupidity rein. When my course resumed on Thursday I was about to continue my series of lectures until I was asked the following question:

"There's no lab today right?" annoymous dummy, I mean student asks.
"No, there will be lab today. Just Tuesday's lab was canceled, " I informed the class to relieve (or so I thought) any confusion.
"Wait, so Tuesday class doesn't have to do the lab? That's not fair."
"Tuesday will do the lab on Tuesday. No one is skipping anything."

This went on for some time and by the end kids in Thursday's lab were still convinced they were getting screwed. The extra time off on Columbus Day also has seemed to have an amnesiatic effort on the entire class. In lab they could not do perform even the simplest tasks of using printf() and when presented the lab assignment most put their hands in the air and gave up refusing to believe my explanation that they've done EVERYTHING before. So I thank you Christopher Columbus for getting hammered on the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria, drunk boating across the Atlantic (true story...it's in history books and shit), totally missing the Indies, claiming to have discovered new land (even though there kinda were already people here when you landed) forcing universities across America to praise you one day out of the year. Oh, and thanks for taking that day to shoot a memory loss ray gun at college students...true story.

Grind Rating: 2 Nautical Miles of e's

Terry Fran-coma
Hi Terry,

How are you today? Not good? Aww, how come? Is it because in the 11th inning of a pivotal tie game in the ALCS you decided to pitch Eric Gagne (10+ERA and 5 blown saves since coming to the Sox) and he (predictably) lost the game for you? Or maybe it's because in Game 4 you thought it'd be a good idea to pitch Tim Wakefield who'd been injured for the last month and not pitched one game instead of Jon Lester who's 4-0 and pitching extremely well lately?

Ooo, I got it! I bet you're sad because you're reasoning for sticking with JD Drew is falling apart due to his .231 average and ZEEEEERO RBI. No? Could it be because Coco Crisp suddenl thinks strikeouts are the bees knees while Jacoby Ellsbury (the future of the Red Sox and best OF you have this side of Manny) is sits on the bench watching you rock back and forth like a mental patient?

Well, I just wanted to say hey and thank you for really doing your damnedest to be the biggest reason why the Red Sox won't be in the World Series this year. Great job!

there's always next year,
The Uber Geek

Grind Rating: x+4 e's | x = a number no one has even discovered yet