Chuck Norris Powers

I had a nice weekend due mainly to my newfound Chuck Norris powers. Since taking his name in to instantiate Team Chuck Norris during a game of Cranium I have performed feats previously thought to be impossible for a man such as myself. Feats including:

• Time Travel
• While driving home from Polly's Pancakes in Sugar Hill, NH (greatest pancakes EVER!) I felt the ride was taking too long so I put my head down. Next thing I know it's an hour later...time travel.
• Single-handedly Constructing the University of New Hampshire
• I went up to visit the school because they have a pretty cool computer science doctoral program (that's right, I'm so cool I go to OTHER schools on the weekends). I have never actually seen UNH before so I must conclude that I dynamically constructed the entire campus with my eyes as I drove there.
• Psychic Abilities
• During a friendly game of cranium my Team Chuck Norris teammate and I were able to deftly deduce clues to solve some of the world's most puzzling riddles...with our minds! Seriously, tell me how many times you've been able to sculpt a T-Bone steak so accurately you've won the Nobel Peace Prize for it?
• Climate Control
• All last week I had been complaining that Fall had disappeared. Sometime in the middle of September the weather had hinted at turning towards Fall. Shortly after, however, Summer returned with it's 80 degree weather, sun and blah blah blah...lame. Friday though I said, "It better be cold this weekend in NH." Guess what. It was 59 degrees, a perfect Fall weekend. This means the weather is my bitch. If I want it to snow in the middle of August, it's gonna snow...I have the power.

There is seemingly no end to these powers. I'm envisioning walking into class today and being able to have each of my students instantaneously learn everything about C by me saying, "Learn C." On an unrelated note of stupidity (though I was talking about my course, so stupidity is always related), I was greeted by a story from my co-worker (and I use the term loosely, especially the "worker" part) this morning upon entering the office. Apparently there's been a problem with the SmartBoard for "a few weeks" (there isn't...but I won't dash his dreams just yet) and, you know, he's been trying his darnedest but just couldn't figure it out.

"This morning at my desk, though, I finally figured it out," he told me while chuckling annoyingly. "I was trying to install Office 2007 which was on a DVD but the computer only has CD drives."

I can't even put into words my disappointment to hear that a Computer Science major took "weeks" to figure out the difference between a DVD and a CD drive

Maybe my students aren't as dumb as I thought.