Back in the Saddle Again...for the First TIme

Teaching my first college course went pretty well (though technology derailed me in the first lecture...stupid projection systems). I didn't mislead the students (yet...muhahaha!), they seem to be fairly motivated (yay, curly brackets!!!) and, hey, it gets me outta work early twice a week! A first week of school at UMD for me wouldn't be complete, however, without some kind of screwup on their part. This fall the problem took the form of not allowing me access to the faculty side of COIN (which I'm convinced is powered by helper monkeys in the library basement...why would you ever shut down a server at 9PM!!!). It took 3 days to get to the bottom of the problem but UMD finally gave me a reason why when I log onto COIN I'm getting a message telling me I don't have the correct permissions (this isn't the military...C'MON!!!). The problem? You guessed it, Frank Stallone...no, I mean they still think I'm a student...again. I don't know how many times I have to tell this university they've given me a degree already. Once my degree actually comes in I'm gonna buy a gold chain and wear my Master's degree around my neck at all times. Then if anyone questions my adjunct faculty status I'll point to my chest and say, "Talk to the bling, bitch." That'll learn 'em.

Certain students in my course have already taken on stereotypical CIS student roles. Here's the breakdown so far.

The Nitpicker
A student who doesn't have a great handle on the material but will look for any opportunity to point out any tiny flaw in your reasoning. Thursday I broached the topic of boolean logic where 0 = false and 1 = true. The nitpicker then raised his hand.

"Question?" I asked.
"Yeah, but 1 isn't the only number that means true though because the book says that any non-zero number means true."

At this point he shows me the entry in the book (which he's underlined numerous times) where this is said. Of course, he and the book are correct but the standard for boolean logic is that it involves 1's and 0's because it's supposed to be SIMPLE! I told him that, while he can use 2345 and -24 to indicate true, no one else will know what he is talking about because 0 and 1 are the standards for boolean logic. Then I talked about what standards are for a minute, so it was actually good that he thought it'd be a great idea to use 3253226 to mean true.

Later he pulled the same question with my TA in lab, thus confirming his nitpicker status.

The Buddy:
The buddy is a student who approaches you early on the first day and tries to gain some repoire with you and act like he's your buddy. My buddy approached me prior to class and thought it'd be great to inform me that he is a computer wiz...though doesn't know any programming. He followed by name dropping that his dad was a computer technician (IT != CIS) and he wanted to do that and make lots of money (the real money's not in IT my friend). Later, in lab he tried the same approach with our TA but this backfired. Years prior, buddy worked at a local amusement park under the supervision of our TA and, let's suffice to say, it didn't work out well ::cough:: lazyslackerknowitall ::cough::, sorry something in my throat.

The Genius:
A student who believes they know everything about computer science...even though they are a freshman with NO credentials to back up their feelings of entitlement. My resident genius has yet to prove himself in the class but that has not stopped him from repeatedly acting like he should actually be teaching this course. Which I think he probably should because I firmly believe that proficiency in Visual Basic should allow you to be President of the Galaxy. The best moment so far (where I had to hold back stabby feelings) happened after the first lecture where I had the aforementioned technical difficulties. A number of students were milling about waiting to ask me questions and finally there were 2 left; The Genius and Norma L. Student.

"You can go first," says Norma L. Student.
"That's ok, you go. I'm just gonna fix his computer", states The Genius confidently.

You're gonna WHAT with my computer? FIX it? Wow, I didn't realize there was a problem. Please sir, enlighten me on the error of my ways.

"You have to change the input," The Genius professes.
"The input? Input to the projector? I know, that's what I was doing," I calmly retort.
"No, on your computer. You have to hit the function button and then one of the F keys," he proclaims not realizing how absolutely stupid he just sounded by claiming that to project your computer screen to a projector (some would call that OUTPUTTING) you actually need to change the input to your computer.
"Yeah, I know how to do that. That wasn't the problem, thanks," I say trying to ignore the Mortal Kombat-like voice in my head saying "Finish him!"

So for all of you who don't know how to hook up your computer to a projector, here's a little tip from The Genius. Make sure you change the INPUT to your computer because its actually the input source which will output your display to a projector.

Maybe next lab he can write a VB program to prove his douche-baggery.