If you haven't been paying attention to the NFL for the first three weeks of the season (shame!) you're missing out on the New England Patriots steam rolling all those who lay in their path. The Jets (10-6 in 2006), Chargers (14-2 in 2006) and Bills (umm, they're plucky?) have been slaughtered by the Pats 38-14, 38-14 and 38-7, respectively (I sense a treeeeennd). So how are the Patriots exactly making it look this easy?
Tom. Brady.
For years Tom Tom has been a great QB, winning 3 Super Bowls and quietly being the second best passer in the game (I hate you but, god-dammit, I respect you Peyton Manning) despite having some of the most pathetic offensive talent. The first two championships had a RB (Antwain Smith) who averaged 3 yrd/carry...I could fall farther! And the WR corps was downright awful (minus Troy Brown...he's gritty) and their success was mainly a product of Brady's ability to make people around him better (hey, Deion Branch, how's life with Matt Hasselbeck?). This season that all changed with the additions of Wes "Troy Brown 10 yrs ago but way faster" Welker, Donte "20 yard/catch" Stallworth and, most importantly, Randy "Yep, I'm that good" Moss. The Patriots offense these days is just downright unfair. Play physical at the line and Moss runs by everyone (5 TDs in 3 games). Playing cover 2 and doubling Moss leaves Welker alone in the middle for shenanigans. How about a nickel set? Ok, how about big 'ol Ben Watson demoralizing your linebackers? Oh, and Laurence Maroney is averages about 5 yrd/carry just in case Brady's arm falls off. So now, equipped with the weapons he's always dreamed about, Tom Brady is poised for one of the greatest seasons by a QB ever (80% CMP%, 141.8 rating, 10 TD, 1INT through Week 3) and saving millions of lives in the process.
That's right. Tom Brady is saving Red Sox Nation one completion at a time.
The Patriots romp through the first three weeks of the NFL season has diverted our attention here in New England from THE BIGGEST COLLAPSE IN SPORTS HISTORY (ok, I'm being a little overdramatic). In June the Red Sox held a double-digit lead over the Yankees. Everyone proclaimed the division race was over. The Yankees would have to play over .600 ball and the Sox (owners of the best record in baseball) would have to be a .500 team for the remainder of the season. Impossible we all said.
Guess what...it happened.
The Sox currently stand 1.5 games up on the Yankees and are whimpering to the finish line. Manny, Ortiz and Youkilis are all hurt, JD Drew is still the team (how scared are you of Jacoby Ellsbury Mr. Drew?), Wakefield keeps forgetting games aren't batting practice and, for the love of God, will someone please shoot Eric Gagne right in his stupid goggles?!?!? Yet, I remain calm (ok, except for that last comment...but he's makes me sooo angry). Why? Because on Sunday afternoons this fall I've been swept away to a fantasy land filled with sugar plumbs, touchdowns and goody-gum-football drops. As long as Tom Tom keeps throwing touchdowns to Randy Moss Red Sox nation will steer clear of the proverbial ledge. Therefore, as a member of Red Sox Nation I'd like to extend my thanks.
Thank you Tom Brady for being the savior* of Red Sox Nation.
* Red Sox Nation reserves all rights to mercilessly boo Tom Brady, the New England Patriots and any associate of the two at any hint they do not continue their current pace of success, at which point we will claim we "saw this coming".
Monday, September 24, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
Ruler of Developer Land
Since moving into our new center I've taken claim to a fairly large (ok, extremely large) section of the office. It has been referred to as a country and I quite like being the sole ruler/citizen of Developer Land (catchy, no?). Developer Land is full of wonder, an old Apple IIe, music and, most importantly, 3 floor-to-ceiling windows to that mysterious "outdoors" thing. Being the sole ruler of a country isn't easy though, as there are certain tasks which must be attended. Like cleaning up the place when visitors come or plugging in the AC plant (that's right, my country has a plant that runs on AC power...eat it) or limiting the number of tourists during the day (they can be pesty). Overall, however, it's a grand life having your own country as no one ever complains when you dance on your desk because you got TCP/IP sockets to work correctly.
Times they are 'a changin' though. Today my first immigrant came begging to my borders, wishing to become a citizen in my glorious Developer Land. I've let him move in because I feel he can add to my countries exports (namely music, software, comedy, ranting and beer...well, that one's probably an import) and because my boss told me I had to. At first it's been rocky, my country now has a lot more "stuff" in it now. Mind you it is cool stuff (name me another country who's haptic device to citizen ratio is 2:1???) but the Apple IIe is getting a bit jealous of all these fancy Dell Inspirons laying about. Since my borders are now open I have decided to implement a tax system which Immigrant #001 has agreed to follow. Each month I must receive one random item from each citizen of Developer Land.
Tax Item 1: an empty desk drawer.
Yes, this is the life...indubitably.
Times they are 'a changin' though. Today my first immigrant came begging to my borders, wishing to become a citizen in my glorious Developer Land. I've let him move in because I feel he can add to my countries exports (namely music, software, comedy, ranting and beer...well, that one's probably an import) and because my boss told me I had to. At first it's been rocky, my country now has a lot more "stuff" in it now. Mind you it is cool stuff (name me another country who's haptic device to citizen ratio is 2:1???) but the Apple IIe is getting a bit jealous of all these fancy Dell Inspirons laying about. Since my borders are now open I have decided to implement a tax system which Immigrant #001 has agreed to follow. Each month I must receive one random item from each citizen of Developer Land.
Tax Item 1: an empty desk drawer.
Yes, this is the life...indubitably.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
I'm a Liar
Dear Body,
I know I promised fun times ahead but things happened. I'll be spending more time with Journal Paper over the next two weeks. I know what you're gonna say, "OMG, I can't believe it! That guy is such a dick!" You're right. He's controlling, demanding, harsh and cold. But I have to stick it out a little longer. We've got something special, they really know how to get you published in fancy things. It'll be best for both of us really.
I promise we'll go fishing one of these weekends, pal.
Writing 'n Professing,
Uber Geek
I know I promised fun times ahead but things happened. I'll be spending more time with Journal Paper over the next two weeks. I know what you're gonna say, "OMG, I can't believe it! That guy is such a dick!" You're right. He's controlling, demanding, harsh and cold. But I have to stick it out a little longer. We've got something special, they really know how to get you published in fancy things. It'll be best for both of us really.
I promise we'll go fishing one of these weekends, pal.
Writing 'n Professing,
Uber Geek
So Angry
I'm not one to make enemies very easily. I have only one arch-nemesis (who drives a silver Peugeot station wagon at a pace so slow he actually travels back in time) and he doesn't even know he's my arch-nemesis! Therefore, when someone becomes angered with me I take it to heart and really try to smoooooth over the situation. Right now you must be going up the walls thinking, "Who the hell is this guy that has the nerve to hate a poor, innocent geek?" Well, loyal readers it's someone who is all knowing in the ways just as I am, and knows how to get way down (waaaaay down) to the core of my being.
It's my being.
Ha, I tricked you. You thought this post was were my blog becomes some amazingly dark quest to rid the world of some anti-Uber Geek. In which we battle through time and (i'm using italics a lot today) space finding who is the superior, dominant geek blogger (I'd win by the way). You were wrong. I'm just gonna bitch and complain about my body being extremely pissed at the way I've been treating it this week.
I'll preface my description of the hellacious (great word) by saying (for my own, future benefit) that I am no longer 21. This whole staying up 'til the wee hours and then getting 4 hrs of sleep and doing it all over again just isn't for me anymore. And I'm not even doing fun stuff! Back when I was younger (I'm old just for saying that) I'd be up late going to parties, playing out in a band, bar hopping, doing awesomely dumb things ("...wanna know what would be a great idea? Let's take those huge 10ft. posters from the commuter cafe!"...yes, at 2AM one day we actually did that) and just basically relaxing having fun with my buddies (ah, the 453 days). This week I've just been up late writing a journal paper (stupid words) and preparing for class (I've changed curriculum again, at this rate by the end of class I'll just end up teaching them MatLab...mmm, MatLab).
So my body, currently being fueled by Pepsi Max (a great thing almost on par with the dew...i know, that's programmer blasphemy, but it's close) and some Lance Armstrong energy gummy cubes (from Nathan "Mountain Man" Buczek, of course), is quite angry with me. Today it's taking out it's rage by giving me 1) a runny nose, 2) light-head, 3) ADH...what was I talking about? But it's allllll worth it because this weekend begins a glorious time of what I like to call a "I get free time to do fun things for the first time in months". This next phase kicks off this weekend with the following activities:
Oh what a time to be alive.
It's my being.
Ha, I tricked you. You thought this post was were my blog becomes some amazingly dark quest to rid the world of some anti-Uber Geek. In which we battle through time and (i'm using italics a lot today) space finding who is the superior, dominant geek blogger (I'd win by the way). You were wrong. I'm just gonna bitch and complain about my body being extremely pissed at the way I've been treating it this week.
I'll preface my description of the hellacious (great word) by saying (for my own, future benefit) that I am no longer 21. This whole staying up 'til the wee hours and then getting 4 hrs of sleep and doing it all over again just isn't for me anymore. And I'm not even doing fun stuff! Back when I was younger (I'm old just for saying that) I'd be up late going to parties, playing out in a band, bar hopping, doing awesomely dumb things ("...wanna know what would be a great idea? Let's take those huge 10ft. posters from the commuter cafe!"...yes, at 2AM one day we actually did that) and just basically relaxing having fun with my buddies (ah, the 453 days). This week I've just been up late writing a journal paper (stupid words) and preparing for class (I've changed curriculum again, at this rate by the end of class I'll just end up teaching them MatLab...mmm, MatLab).
So my body, currently being fueled by Pepsi Max (a great thing almost on par with the dew...i know, that's programmer blasphemy, but it's close) and some Lance Armstrong energy gummy cubes (from Nathan "Mountain Man" Buczek, of course), is quite angry with me. Today it's taking out it's rage by giving me 1) a runny nose, 2) light-head, 3) ADH...what was I talking about? But it's allllll worth it because this weekend begins a glorious time of what I like to call a "I get free time to do fun things for the first time in months". This next phase kicks off this weekend with the following activities:
- Center grand opening (complete with wine and food!)
- Uber girlfriend comes home (I know...I don't know how I have a girlfriend either)
- Annual Pool St. yard sale (always so much fun and full of stupid things to buy)
- Beer brewing summit with da Meech
- RA in Northampton (if you don't know RA = Ryan Adams you may be on my arch nemesis list)
Oh what a time to be alive.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Back in the Saddle Again...for the First TIme
Teaching my first college course went pretty well (though technology derailed me in the first lecture...stupid projection systems). I didn't mislead the students (yet...muhahaha!), they seem to be fairly motivated (yay, curly brackets!!!) and, hey, it gets me outta work early twice a week! A first week of school at UMD for me wouldn't be complete, however, without some kind of screwup on their part. This fall the problem took the form of not allowing me access to the faculty side of COIN (which I'm convinced is powered by helper monkeys in the library basement...why would you ever shut down a server at 9PM!!!). It took 3 days to get to the bottom of the problem but UMD finally gave me a reason why when I log onto COIN I'm getting a message telling me I don't have the correct permissions (this isn't the military...C'MON!!!). The problem? You guessed it, Frank Stallone...no, I mean they still think I'm a student...again. I don't know how many times I have to tell this university they've given me a degree already. Once my degree actually comes in I'm gonna buy a gold chain and wear my Master's degree around my neck at all times. Then if anyone questions my adjunct faculty status I'll point to my chest and say, "Talk to the bling, bitch." That'll learn 'em.
Certain students in my course have already taken on stereotypical CIS student roles. Here's the breakdown so far.
The Nitpicker
A student who doesn't have a great handle on the material but will look for any opportunity to point out any tiny flaw in your reasoning. Thursday I broached the topic of boolean logic where 0 = false and 1 = true. The nitpicker then raised his hand.
"Question?" I asked.
"Yeah, but 1 isn't the only number that means true though because the book says that any non-zero number means true."
At this point he shows me the entry in the book (which he's underlined numerous times) where this is said. Of course, he and the book are correct but the standard for boolean logic is that it involves 1's and 0's because it's supposed to be SIMPLE! I told him that, while he can use 2345 and -24 to indicate true, no one else will know what he is talking about because 0 and 1 are the standards for boolean logic. Then I talked about what standards are for a minute, so it was actually good that he thought it'd be a great idea to use 3253226 to mean true.
Later he pulled the same question with my TA in lab, thus confirming his nitpicker status.
The Buddy:
The buddy is a student who approaches you early on the first day and tries to gain some repoire with you and act like he's your buddy. My buddy approached me prior to class and thought it'd be great to inform me that he is a computer wiz...though doesn't know any programming. He followed by name dropping that his dad was a computer technician (IT != CIS) and he wanted to do that and make lots of money (the real money's not in IT my friend). Later, in lab he tried the same approach with our TA but this backfired. Years prior, buddy worked at a local amusement park under the supervision of our TA and, let's suffice to say, it didn't work out well ::cough:: lazyslackerknowitall ::cough::, sorry something in my throat.
The Genius:
A student who believes they know everything about computer science...even though they are a freshman with NO credentials to back up their feelings of entitlement. My resident genius has yet to prove himself in the class but that has not stopped him from repeatedly acting like he should actually be teaching this course. Which I think he probably should because I firmly believe that proficiency in Visual Basic should allow you to be President of the Galaxy. The best moment so far (where I had to hold back stabby feelings) happened after the first lecture where I had the aforementioned technical difficulties. A number of students were milling about waiting to ask me questions and finally there were 2 left; The Genius and Norma L. Student.
"You can go first," says Norma L. Student.
"That's ok, you go. I'm just gonna fix his computer", states The Genius confidently.
You're gonna WHAT with my computer? FIX it? Wow, I didn't realize there was a problem. Please sir, enlighten me on the error of my ways.
"You have to change the input," The Genius professes.
"The input? Input to the projector? I know, that's what I was doing," I calmly retort.
"No, on your computer. You have to hit the function button and then one of the F keys," he proclaims not realizing how absolutely stupid he just sounded by claiming that to project your computer screen to a projector (some would call that OUTPUTTING) you actually need to change the input to your computer.
"Yeah, I know how to do that. That wasn't the problem, thanks," I say trying to ignore the Mortal Kombat-like voice in my head saying "Finish him!"
So for all of you who don't know how to hook up your computer to a projector, here's a little tip from The Genius. Make sure you change the INPUT to your computer because its actually the input source which will output your display to a projector.
Maybe next lab he can write a VB program to prove his douche-baggery.
Certain students in my course have already taken on stereotypical CIS student roles. Here's the breakdown so far.
The Nitpicker
A student who doesn't have a great handle on the material but will look for any opportunity to point out any tiny flaw in your reasoning. Thursday I broached the topic of boolean logic where 0 = false and 1 = true. The nitpicker then raised his hand.
"Question?" I asked.
"Yeah, but 1 isn't the only number that means true though because the book says that any non-zero number means true."
At this point he shows me the entry in the book (which he's underlined numerous times) where this is said. Of course, he and the book are correct but the standard for boolean logic is that it involves 1's and 0's because it's supposed to be SIMPLE! I told him that, while he can use 2345 and -24 to indicate true, no one else will know what he is talking about because 0 and 1 are the standards for boolean logic. Then I talked about what standards are for a minute, so it was actually good that he thought it'd be a great idea to use 3253226 to mean true.
Later he pulled the same question with my TA in lab, thus confirming his nitpicker status.
The Buddy:
The buddy is a student who approaches you early on the first day and tries to gain some repoire with you and act like he's your buddy. My buddy approached me prior to class and thought it'd be great to inform me that he is a computer wiz...though doesn't know any programming. He followed by name dropping that his dad was a computer technician (IT != CIS) and he wanted to do that and make lots of money (the real money's not in IT my friend). Later, in lab he tried the same approach with our TA but this backfired. Years prior, buddy worked at a local amusement park under the supervision of our TA and, let's suffice to say, it didn't work out well ::cough:: lazyslackerknowitall ::cough::, sorry something in my throat.
The Genius:
A student who believes they know everything about computer science...even though they are a freshman with NO credentials to back up their feelings of entitlement. My resident genius has yet to prove himself in the class but that has not stopped him from repeatedly acting like he should actually be teaching this course. Which I think he probably should because I firmly believe that proficiency in Visual Basic should allow you to be President of the Galaxy. The best moment so far (where I had to hold back stabby feelings) happened after the first lecture where I had the aforementioned technical difficulties. A number of students were milling about waiting to ask me questions and finally there were 2 left; The Genius and Norma L. Student.
"You can go first," says Norma L. Student.
"That's ok, you go. I'm just gonna fix his computer", states The Genius confidently.
You're gonna WHAT with my computer? FIX it? Wow, I didn't realize there was a problem. Please sir, enlighten me on the error of my ways.
"You have to change the input," The Genius professes.
"The input? Input to the projector? I know, that's what I was doing," I calmly retort.
"No, on your computer. You have to hit the function button and then one of the F keys," he proclaims not realizing how absolutely stupid he just sounded by claiming that to project your computer screen to a projector (some would call that OUTPUTTING) you actually need to change the input to your computer.
"Yeah, I know how to do that. That wasn't the problem, thanks," I say trying to ignore the Mortal Kombat-like voice in my head saying "Finish him!"
So for all of you who don't know how to hook up your computer to a projector, here's a little tip from The Genius. Make sure you change the INPUT to your computer because its actually the input source which will output your display to a projector.
Maybe next lab he can write a VB program to prove his douche-baggery.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Things That Really Grind My Geeeeeahs
Well, today's D-Day. I begin teaching my first college course today, CIS 115 Introduction to C Programming (I know its hard but, ladies, please keep your clothes on). I'm a tad nervous but the fact that my main goal of the day is to deter cheating in my class it could be worse. There are bigger things to attend however and it's time to grind some geahhhhhhhs!
All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.
Rodney Harrison (SS), New England Patriots
Strong safety...Pro-Bowler...All-Pro...Future Hall of Famer...Captain...Dumbest man alive.
The Patriots best defensive player, Asante Samuel, holds out for the entire preseason leaving people to question the strength of the secondary. Then, before the final preseason game, he agrees to terms and will be returning to play corner alongside you, the captain of the team...yay, all is well is Patriot-town.
But, wait...you what? You used HGH, a banned substance by the NFL? So now will be suspended for a quarter of the season? And you paid with your freakin' credit card? It's one thing to cheat and be a moron in that respect. But jesus, man, you make millions of dollars a year, you couldn't give the guy cash?
Yet another reason college athletes need to stay in school.
Grinding Rating: 7 e's
Looping
You're an ass
Grind Rating: 7 e's
Rochester Institute of Technology's CS Department
Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo isn't allowed to teach at RIT because he doesn't have a Master's degree because they won't give it to him because I'm 99% sure Kevin Federline runs the department
Grind Rating: 9,000 e's
UMD...WTF?
I attained a Master's degree this past summer...from UMD. A month ago I was approached, by UMD, to teach a programming course...at UMD. A couple of weeks ago I received a notice that I'd been hired as a part time lecturer at (you guessed it!), UMD. So it wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination for me to assume that I should be able to log onto our university info database doo hickey called COIN (worst invention since Hitler) as a faculty member. But, alas, I log in (without problem, mind you) to find a window popping up saying that I do not have access for this content. After calling I found out that UMD has no record of me being listed as faculty in the computing system...faaaaantastic.
At least I take solace that the UMD server is down on the first day of classes...take that university faculty trying to get their class rosters, muhahahaha!!!
Oh crap...that's me.
Grind Rating: a never ending bit-stream of e's
All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.
Rodney Harrison (SS), New England Patriots
Strong safety...Pro-Bowler...All-Pro...Future Hall of Famer...Captain...Dumbest man alive.
The Patriots best defensive player, Asante Samuel, holds out for the entire preseason leaving people to question the strength of the secondary. Then, before the final preseason game, he agrees to terms and will be returning to play corner alongside you, the captain of the team...yay, all is well is Patriot-town.
But, wait...you what? You used HGH, a banned substance by the NFL? So now will be suspended for a quarter of the season? And you paid with your freakin' credit card? It's one thing to cheat and be a moron in that respect. But jesus, man, you make millions of dollars a year, you couldn't give the guy cash?
Yet another reason college athletes need to stay in school.
Grinding Rating: 7 e's
Looping
You're an ass
Grind Rating: 7 e's
Rochester Institute of Technology's CS Department
Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo isn't allowed to teach at RIT because he doesn't have a Master's degree because they won't give it to him because I'm 99% sure Kevin Federline runs the department
Grind Rating: 9,000 e's
UMD...WTF?
I attained a Master's degree this past summer...from UMD. A month ago I was approached, by UMD, to teach a programming course...at UMD. A couple of weeks ago I received a notice that I'd been hired as a part time lecturer at (you guessed it!), UMD. So it wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination for me to assume that I should be able to log onto our university info database doo hickey called COIN (worst invention since Hitler) as a faculty member. But, alas, I log in (without problem, mind you) to find a window popping up saying that I do not have access for this content. After calling I found out that UMD has no record of me being listed as faculty in the computing system...faaaaantastic.
At least I take solace that the UMD server is down on the first day of classes...take that university faculty trying to get their class rosters, muhahahaha!!!
Oh crap...that's me.
Grind Rating: a never ending bit-stream of e's
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