The Uber Geek

Randomly Musical

2009-07-20T13:28:00.000-07:00

Well hey there, internet neighbor. I've been absent from the blogosphere recently but once you see the vast and magical things that have kept me away you will regret sending me those anthrax emails:

New beers have been drunk (at the Pour Farm)
Meeting Joey from Anthrax!
Taking time to be awesome
Digitizing my DVD collection
Traveling the countryside
"Researching" the myFaces
Playing in bands
Not blogging

That last one was probably the biggest reason for not writing, but it could have been all that time I was being awesome. Either way, times are changing as I'm easing into a full-time research position at my center and contemplating my next life steps. I take small steps, though, so right now its between finishing this blog post and drinking some water.

Lucky for you I've decided to stick this post out and give you a patented (by patented I mean "stolen") uber random post about songs in the 'ol iPod.

1) He's Simple, He's Dumb, He's the Pilot - Grandaddy
I was (digitally) given this album a few years ago and I don't think I've ever listened to the whole thing. From what I've heard (and what I will hear over the next 9 min...wow, that's long) they sound like a pour man's version of The Flaming Lips. I'm 4 minutes in and have detected some Death Cab For Cutie-ness and need for splitting this into at least 3 tracks.

2) Communication Breakdown - Trippin' Blues
Oh dear lord. Back in college I was in a little acoustic trio consisting of no singers (though that didn't stop us) and 3 very amateur musicians. Lucky for us we were quite charming and fun to hang around so we got more gigs than we rightfully deserved (apologies to anyone who went to see us at Uncle John's...every Thursday for the Spring 2002 semester). This song came from, what I like to call, the "Rick Fetters" sessions. He was a regular at the old Hardware Cafe (Marion, MA) open mic and we wrote him the "Rick Fetters Song" which was a rather disturbing but well received tune about Rick taking over as MC at said open mic. You may have noticed how much text I'm writing while listening to this song. The reason being that this song is in fact a 7 min. cover of Zeppelin's "Communication Breakdown" ripe with harmonica (possibly the best aspect of the old band), cringe-worthy slide leads and awful rhythm...oh good, it's over.

3) Long Way Down - Goo Goo Dolls
Before that horrid "City of Angels" movie totally removed any rockish tendencies from the Goo Goo Dolls they were a pretty awesome rock band. This song is a perfect testament to those tendencies. The album where it resides, A Boy Named Goo, is be best known for the ballad-ish "Name" but should have been remembered as balls to the wall rock album.

4) Strawberry Wine (Live 05/17/2005) - Ryan Adams
Cold Roses had just been released and I was gonna see Ryan Adams play at the Avalon in Boston. As I staked out my spot in the crowd visions of "Magnolia Mountain", "Sweet Illusions" and "Let It Ride" danced in my head. Then the show started with a new tune. Good call, good call, get the crowd settled with a new, peppy song. Then another new song and another and another one still. All told he played 3 songs off of Cold Roses and 8 songs off his yet to be released albums, Jacksonville City Nights and 29. While I didn't complain (much) the one tune that made me less than pleased was this one, which opened up the encore, as it clocked in at over 9 minutes and consisted of just an acoustic guitar and tooooooons of words. Luckily, "Wonderwall" and an awesomely unaccompanied electric version of "I See Monsters" followed to close the show.

5) Stevie's Song - Michael Troy
The pride of Fall River! I don't know how I'd feel about having that moniker but Mr. Troy seems to enjoy it. He's as close to a music legend as you're gonna get in a city who's motto is "We'll Try" (f'realz, it's even on the police badges). I would often run into him at the Narrows Center open mic and his music was always pretty decent...little acoustic diddy's about local life, nothing fancy.

6) Casey Jones (Live @ The Filmore West) - The Grateful Dead
WTF?!?! Can't I get just 2 songs in a row which aren't like 50 minutes long? This tune comes off a 4-Disc set recorded from a set of shows the Dead performed at the Filmore back in the late 60's. Back in High School I used to tutor my friend's little sister in Algebra and her mom got me a Circuit City (R.I.P.) gift certificate for the help. Along with some blank CDs I bought this album and further fueled my High School obsession with jammy, hippie bands. I admit, though, 15 years later this album still has legs...those boys could play.

P.S. The song actually ends with over 3 minutes left. The rest is just some really stoned dude blabbering on about how awesome the Dead are.

7) By My Car - My Morning Jacket
I don't know where I got this from. Oh, sweet lord, it's soooooo freakin' slow. I just want something fast, pleeeeease.

Note to self: When in a specific music mood do not play "Randomly Musical"

P.S. I'm reeeeealllly (italics mean "streeeeesss") bored so I'm enjoying playing with FONTS!!!!

8) Emile's Vietnam in the Sky - Elvis Perkins
Great band, great album, great song. Elvis actually played a gig for my best friend's Computer Music thesis presentation at Brown. I saw him again at the Paradise in Boston last year, maybe longer.

Still a slow song but at least it's less than 3 minutes long.

9) Moby Dick (bootleg) - Led Zeppelin
I have been a Zep-head since I was about 17. This gem (according to the 17-year old newly minted Zep-head me) comes via a bootleg cassette tape I bought at the Raynham Flea Market in High School. Later it got put on an 8 disc collection of Zeppelin rarities and live tracks I made called Hammer of the Gods. This is actually just 4 minutes of Bonham playing around on the drum set.

The 17-year old newly minted Zep-head version of me wasn't the best judge of musical character.

10) Kashmir (Live) - Led Zeppelin
Dear Lord, why hath you forsaken me? This is a 10-minute version of the classic Physical Graffiti track from the early 80's. Here are the list of reasons why this version sounds like utter crap:

It's the early 80's so Jimmy Page probably has a needle sticking in his arm the entire song (in fact, he barely does anything on this song)
John Paul Jones is making his mark that he's not the least talented one...so he's really loud.
Robert Plant is beginning his vocal deterioration.
For some reason there is an echo effect on everything Robert Plant sings
It just sucks, absolute crap

Well, that wasn't as much fun as I thought it'd be. Better luck next time, for now its time to be physically active.

Who wants to poke a bear with a stick and see how fast it can run?

Obama had the Knights Templar Killed...f'realz

2009-04-15T05:56:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to a Brewery Dinner with some friends downtown. The brewery of choice was Ommegang (makers of Three Philosophers, Witt and Hennepin), the food was awesome (shrimp tabbouleh, little necks with chourico) but some of the pairings were off (herb chicken with strong flavored beer and strong alcoholic-y beer with chocolate and vanilla ice cream). All of this, however, pales in comparison to our conversations at the end of the night with a crazy ass, radioactive tomato government conspiracy guy who, for the sake of conversation, we'll call...The Greatest Man To Ever Live (TGMTEL from here on out because acronyms are the shit).

UPDATE: I've created a movie about it...with ROBOTS!!1!!one!!!!

Our conversations began as he was waiting for the bathroom and introduced himself as [scene missing]. After his first thought bomb about "generically [sic] engineered" tomatoes that have a "shelf-life of 6 months due to a tiny dose of radiation", however, he quickly attained the TGMTEL moniker. Before he left us to relieve himself he asked us to think about the origins of two phrases: 1) "Hit the head" and 2) "A little birdie told me..." His explanation of the former was brief but interupted by my desire to know the answer to #2. What followed was a long and magical journey through time and space with no heed to logic or commonsense at any point. The dialog that follows is paraphrased and commented on in ( ) to illuminate key points but is true to what happened and not fabricated because, honestly, I could never dream to be this batshit crazy.

Me: So, where did "A little bird told me..." come from?

TGMTEL: You see the Rothchild family, second generation (this would be the German Jewish banking dynasty beginning in the late 18th century), they had lots of places all over and they were trying to communicate to each other. The Templetons, though, came in and they were looking for the treasure of Israel (annnd you lost me). For a long time they looked in the hills and finally they figured out where it was. What did they find? Who knows, coulda been the covenant or (at this point I have on my thinking cap) it coulda been the 1st bible which was written by the Greeks (f'realz?) but lost over 2,000 years ago.

Me: Templetons? Do you mean the Knights Templar?

TGMTEL: Yes, exactly! (our journey moves to the 12th century!) So they found where it was and the Christian Crusades were a total sham (wasn't there a movie about this?) because the Knights of Templar were then killed on Friday the 13th. The NEXT year, though, the Pope and the King of France were killed on Friday the 13th the next year for retrobution. Which means, now they in charge of all the money! (wait, who?) Why did you think switzerland and portugal were neutral in WWII? (and we're off to the 20th century!) You see, and now that's why you got Obama (to the 21st century, and beyond!) now proliferating the New World Order.

Me: Right, makes sense.

TGMTEL: I wrote a book report on this in 1974 (book = "How the Jews Took Over: One Crazy Ass Story") and a Senate Review Committee looked it over and they said there was definately grounds for a conspiracy investigation.

At this point none of us could wrap our heads around what just happened. TGMTEL wondered away to the otherside of the table where someone asked him what he did for a living. He gave no specifics, or even non-specifics, as he basically just threw down two government contractor IDs and babbled about lord knows what.

All in all, best bar night ever.

15 Albums that Changed My Life

2009-02-26T10:50:00.000-08:00

Ah, such is the Facebook life. I was sucked into a note from Golenium this morning and was compelled to compile my own list.

Since music reminds me of times in my life more than anything else I'm gonna be more of a story-teller than a list-maker today...deal.

Life-Changers:
1) Gold - Ryan Adams
RA is my favorite artist of all-time and this album started it all. After getting through just the 1st 9 tunes (right after "Nobody Girl") I was compelled to call my best friend and tell him he had to go buy it...right now. This album is the reason I play guitar the way I do.

2) Blind Melon - Blind Melon
Blind Melon will forever be my favorite band with my favorite album (this one) and favorite song ("Change", #6 on Blind Melon). This album has been the soundtrack to my life since I was 14.

Influential Obsessions:
3) Purple - Stone Temple Pilots
The first CD I ever owned (Christmas gift in 7th grade). I knew all the singles from Core, but this album put STP on the top of my favorite band list with Live. This is not their best nor my favorite STP album (that would be Tiny Music...) but this album was my first digital obsession. Oh, and "Silvergun Superman" is just badass.

4) Throwing Copper - Live
Ah, my first analog obsession. I must have listened to this tape (pirated on those old Maxell tapes) 50 million times in middle school. Their best album, by far, I still get amped listening to "I Alone" and "Shit Towne".

5) I - Led Zeppelin
The heaviest album they, or anyone, ever recorded (heavy != loud || heavy != distortion)

6) The Complete Recordings - Robert Johnson
I was obsessed with the stories behind the songs when I got into the blues in college and, I'll be honest, I almost went to a cemetery in North Dartmouth one night in college to play some Robert Johnson tunes on the 'ol guitar...worked for the Allmans, right? Everything me and you learned about the blues we got from Robert Johnson (and his derivatives).

7) Rubber Factory - The Black Keys
Speaking of the blues, how 'bout them Black Keys? Their first two albums were dirty, messy and awesome. Their 3rd album, however, was concentrated rhythmic heaven as you can't help but bop (yes, bop) the entire listen. "10 AM Automatic" and "Girl is on My Mind" taught me that awesome solos really can be that easy.

Moments in Time:
8) Sea Change - Beck
The ultimate album of sadness. Whenever I'm down, broken and feeling uber sad I spin this album...and get sadder! Something about this horribly sad album (recorded after he ended a 9 year relationship) makes me feel worse but, by the end, I'm feeling a much better.

9) Piper at the Gates of Dawn - Pink Floyd
In college I went through a huge Floyd kick and came to one conclusion: Syd Barrett was Pink Floyd. Post Barrett-ian Floyd was awesome (Wish You Were Here is one of my all-time favorite albums) but they were a different band. Listen back to Atom Heart Mother, Meddle and Piper..., and you'll hear an experimental band that was fantastically out there.

Change of Taste:
10) Trouble Is... - Kenny Wayne Shepherd
My first real blues album...from a kid only a tad older than me. Along with Blind Melon this album was always in the CD binder for most of high school.

11) Come Away with Me - Norah Jones
Before discovering this album (by discover I mean "be alive in 2002") I was never really into female vocalists. Of course, this was mainly due to my only exposure being Salt-N-Pepa, TLC and Dolores O'Riordan (The Cranberries). Me and Dr. Momentum were thoroughly obsessed with this album during my sophomore year of college. These songs ultimately led me to some of my favorite artists (male or female), Missy Higgins, Ollabelle, Lucinda Williams, Brandi Carlile, Janiva Magness and the like.

12) Pneumonia - Whiskeytown
Reason I started listening to Whiskeytown? Ryan Adams, of course. While this isn't super country-fied and, on his own, RA has twanged it up way more I consider this my first true foray into (albeit, alt.)country land. It broke me out of that "country music is crap" mantra I had since I was a kid. Now my mantra is "country music on 98.1 WCTK Country is crap."

Guitar Stuff:
13) Wildflowers - Tom Petty
Honestly, for the first couple years I played guitar this was my blueprint.

14) BBC Sessions - Led Zeppelin
It's ok to solo for 15 minutes? Awesome! While I apologize to all of you who listened to my bands around this time, this is how I learned to play rock music.

Just Because:
15) Lucy - Candlebox
This album was awesome but not super influential, excepting for what it represents to me. This was the last album I ever purchased on cassette tape, signifying the end of my analog music days. I don't ever long to go back to analog mix tapes, but sitting alone in my room for hours on the weekend making a good mix tape will always be one of my fondest memories.

No Need for a Shiny, New Australia

2008-09-16T11:54:00.001-07:00

The semester is off to a spectacular explosion of educational awesome-ness. Over the summer I was involved in an institute for problem-based learning (you're jealous, I understand) where I've changed my curriculum (fancy word for: "stuff students won't get") for the 3rd straight semester...yay! The result is that I'm running a study tracking student learning, blah, blah, blah, no one cares. On to things that rock about Australia.

Over the last few weeks I've become increasingly enchanted by Australia. It is no secret that the Uber Geek has visions of going to (and possibly never returning from) the land of kangaroos, sunshine and surly drunkards. In fact, I once petitioned the NSF for funding to work there for a summer. They denied it saying something about not accepting proposals written in crayon on whiskey soaked napkins...psssh, unprofessional my ass. Lately, however, it's dawned on me that Australia is the reason for more things than I thought. In no particular order (that I'll reveal) the awesome-ness is below:

The best line in a Dr. Horrible's Sing-A-Long Blog song: "And she may cry but her tears will dry/When I hand her the keys to a shiny new Australia"
JET...how I forget this all the time I do not know
Today I have had an unhealthy obsession with Silverchair
Missy Higgins is my new favorite female vocalists (fact: she's 1/8th kangaroo)
The movie Eastern Promises stars Naomi Watts...it counts!
Wolfmother is the best new badass band since Velvet Revolver
Wolfmother broke up, split into two bands...now they are both the best new badass bands since Wolfmother
Champions in men's wheelchair basketball
Distribute only mysterious, caffeine-free Mountain Dew (fact: Mountain Dew without caffeine is the fountain of youth)

There's a lot to digest there so I'm heading to PVD and I'll meet you in Sydney by the end of the week. Me and my new kangaroo buddy Pongo will be stumbling around taunting killer sharks for not having legs.

Stupid fish.

Randomly Musical

2008-08-26T09:09:00.001-07:00

I can smell it in the air...Fall, my favorite season. The summer was grand and all but nothing beats the Fall's mixture of change, colors, chill and (most importantly) football. So, in honor of fall, I was listening to Patty Griffin's moody classic (I've always found moody music to be the most Fall-like) Impossible Dream this morning when I came to the realization I missed out on Randomly Musical Monday yesterday...FAIL!

Will there be a Fall-ish overtone? Only the iPod Gods can say...

1) Turn on Your Love Light - Grateful Dead
Ah, hippie tunes. This song takes me back to a senior year of high school filled with Phish and The Dead and long hair and beards and, well, you know...combs. A few friends of mine from high school were in a jam band called Gazing Tide (two members are now in a new band called Rent A Friend) which performed this song during intermission of a Lip Sync contest. The highlight of the show was Ezra the "robe and nothing but boxers" bongo player. All I can do now is look back on those days and think...white people really can't dance.

2) Triflin' Woman Blues - T-Bone Walker
I just can't escape running into this album. What more can you say about T-Bone Walker? He wrote some great electric, blues tunes that sounded, well, the same. You hear one, you hear them all...where's my moody music, dammit?!?!

3) Devorzhum - Dead Can Dance
You have to really be in the mood for this stuff. Dead Can Dance is a rather ethereal band kinda like Enya mixed with Rusted Root...but not as bad as that sounds. I'm not particularly in the mood for this today but I'm digging the wolf-like guitar howl.

4) Hold On - Sarah McLachlan
Not the biggest Sarah McLilithFair fan but I do dig this song. Its off of a little known 90's compilation called No Alternative which was supposed to raise awareness for [insert cause]. My liking of this song I feel has to do with the teenager music phenomenon. Studies have shown that people most identify with the music they listened to during and right after puberty. This explains so many of my unatural 90's rock obsessions...who likes Solution AD?

5) Intimate Secretary - The Racontuers
Without explanation I have grown more fond of Jack White over the past few months. My hatred of the White Stripes has wained since my introduction to The Raconteurs last year and now they are #2 on my list of favorite duos (no one will ever catch the Black Keys). Muscially, The Raconteurs are a better outfit and meld rock and blues and pop in a really unique way. Well, there you go, I just conviced myself I need to buy their new album...right now.

6) Fade to Black - Metallica
Have you heard the new Metallica song...what happened? Most say the downfall of the band was when they (GASP!!!) cut their hair for the Load album but that album was great. I blame (like most of the free world) Napster for the demise of Metallica. Once Lars became infatuated with sticking it to 15 year old kids stealing "Enter Sandman" the band's creativity died, Jason Newsted left the band, a monkey started playing bass and they released a pitiful music effort in St. Anger.

Let the age of "Aging Heavy Metal Bands Who Think They Can Still Be Relevant When, In Fact, Their Influence Is Now Only on Aging, Overweight, Unemployed, Heavy Metal Fans Who Live With Their Mom And Wear The Same Ride The Lightning T-Shirt They Wore To A Show In 1988"

7) Rain Dance - The Guess Who
The Guess Who are a novelty...there I said it. I'm not sure if I was prepared to make such a statement but I think it's time I realized I like this band because they sing about rain dances and sharing and eyes and shit. "Clap for the Wolfman" did NOT deserve a Grammy no matter what the 17 year-old version of me thought.

8) Blueberry Hill (Live) - Led Zeppelin
The multiple encore is a rare, presitgious entity. For bands in their prime this is a dream situation for pumping out deep cuts off their albums and getting more time to choose the groupies they'll be "serenading" backstage. There was a time when Led Zeppelin was so mighty they were expected to play 4 or 5 encores. Zep's problem, however, was that the demands were during a tour to promote their first album...an album which contained 9 songs. Therefore, most of their show relied (heavily) on improv, hard rock versions of Fats Domino songs and Robert Plant shakin' his baby maker while Jimmy Page did some blow on the side.

God bless rock 'n roll.

9) Heartbreaker - Grand Funk Railroad
There was a time when Grand Funk Railroad was relevant. There was a time when they experimented with bluesy rock. There was a time when I was told not to say anything if I had nothing good to say.

"American Band" is a great song.

10) A Little More For Little You - The Hives
Strong. Brash. Slightly Whiney. Punkish. Go listen to "Hate to Say I Told You So" off of Veni Vidi Vicious.

I've summed up the entire existence of The Hives, you welcome.

Apple-y Things that Really Grind My Geeeeeahs

2008-07-31T07:46:00.001-07:00

I'm beginning to think the Alan Turing rumors pertaining to Apple's logo are true. Rumor has it, the bite taken from the apple in the techno-bully's logo represents the fatal bite Alan Turing took from a poisoned apple (which he poisoned himself...drama queen!). Over the past week or so I've
been immersed in the Apple development world (iPhone, XServe, Cocoa, etc.) and it's really pissed me off...so now you're gonna hear about it.

All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...and fairly irrelevent.

iPhone Developer Program
Apple Developer Select Membership: $500/year
iPhone Developer Membership (pre-July): FREE!!!
iPhone Developer Membership minutes after installing "free" iPhone SDK update: $99!!!
Getting bamboozled out of $100: Stabby

Up until the latest release of the iPhone SDK any 'ol developer or evil doctor could build an application for their iPhone/iTouch (it's just a cooler name, why not embrace it?) and have it, you know, run on their device. Then one day Steve Jobs had a hankering for some bratwurst and sauerkraut...a LOT of bratwurst and sauerkraut. So, Apple released a "free" SDK update and...

POW! Catalina Wine Mixer!

Grinding Rating: 9 e's and a brat 'n kraut with the works

Apple's World of Mystery
Why the mystery? For the love of God, can you just for once have a set release date for things or a public plan? Only terrorists randomly announce things, is that what you are Apple? A terrorist?

I'm telling.

Grind Rating: 6 e's

Xserve
My name is the Uber Geek and I have been defeated by an XServe running Leopard Server

Hi, Uber Geek

I just wanted to change the hostname, that's all. I tried everything: changeip, scutil, screwing with the kerberos tables. Still, the Xserve mocked me by displaying it's old hostname. What do I have to do to make it work sweet, mysterious, condescending magic again?

Reinstall the server...duh!

Grind Rating: All the e's in the Leopard Server install DVD

Time Machine
What do you say, ya do here? Because all I've seen for the past week is a bunch of failed back up attempts. Anytime you try and backup the system you're just "preparing...", "preparing...", "preparing..."...and I don't see a damn sandwich yet! Let's contact Apple care and see how to fix this problem, shall we?

Delete the hardrive with the back ups and redo the backup history.

On a side note...I broke a string on my guitar, so I smashed the crap out of it and rebuilt it from scratch.

Grind Rating: 4 times the number of e's in the world "useless"

I Still Love You
I do. I still love you Apple. After all the hell you've put me through as a developer I still listen to my iPod everyday and wait patiently on the interwebs for any hint that you'll release a MacBook with multi-touch (September???).

Maybe I have battered woman's syndrome?

Grind Rating: 2 e's...for love and hate

Randomly Musical

2008-07-28T12:07:00.000-07:00

Since I loved writing the last playlist shuffle post I decided to make a habit of it. Let's say the last Monday of each month I will turn the 'ol iPod on shuffle and take 10 songs to reminisce.

Let's go!

1) I Alone - Live
Always had a somewhat love-hate relationship with this song. It was one of the biggest hits for Live (my favorite band during the Throwing Copper-era of the 90's) so I had problems admitting it was one of my favorite songs...you can't like the single!!! Deep down, waaay down, though, I've always loved this song. It's loud, it's explosive, it's what every teenager wants to hear.

2) Motor Running - Jeff Maher
A local hit! Jeff is the Uber Girlfriend's dad and local bard down in the SouthCoast. Last summer he got the music recording bug and started to hone his production chops. This is the demo version of the song which ended up having mandolin and bass and some keys I believe. Nothing compares to the song where he makes monkey noises though...with the utmost professionalism mind you.

3) Willie and Laura Mae Jones - Dusty Springfield
Dusty in Memphis is one of my new favorite female-vocalist albums. It's got a country, blues feel to it with a pop punch. Until I bought the album, Dusty Springfield had always been that southern belle who sang "The Preacher's Son". Now she's my favorite female British vocalist...amazing to think I can change a person's nationality.

4) Play the Game - Queen
Everyone goes through a Queen phase...everyone. Mine happened junior year of high school and ended probably a few days after buying their greatest hits album for a nominal fee of nothing. Don't get me wrong, I love Queen. They wrote some great songs, but I just can't get behind a band that (no matter how inadvertently) is the soundtrack to every junior league baseball game ever.

5) Since You're In Love (Live) - Jesse Malin
He's friends with Ryan Adams and, I'll be perfectly honest, that is the reason I bought one of his albums (The Heat). The song is a mediocre tune along the lines of "Play the Game" but the monologue prior to the song gives boosts it to "awesome". Why do you still call yourself "Music Television" when you have no actual music videos and you schedule is filled with no-talent ass clown reality shows, MTV? Answer Jesse Malin that!!!

6) The Spirit of Radio - Rush
Oh, sweet Jesus I hate Rush. This is yet another side-affect of being horribly OCD with respect to my music collection. I always keep everything on my iPod...horrible, brain-melting Rush included. In grad school one of my professors had a playlist of the 1000 greatest classic rock songs and it found it's way into my hands. On the surface it sounds awesome. Not having to buy a complete Kansas album and only listening to "Dust in the Wind" while dreaming about "Blue" Palasky? Priceless. Unfortunately, some asshat decided Rush should be on this list too and here we are listening to some piped in crowd noises and Neal Peart "sing"...he sounds like a lady for godsakes!!!

7) Onset - Buckcherry
This is off Buckcherry's sophomore effort, 15, that I probably have listened to three times. The album, of course, is infamous for it's song (and subsequent softcore porn music video) "Crazy Bitch" with it's award-winning prose:

You're a crazy bitch
But you fuck so good so I'm on top of it
When I dream I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on.

Classy?

8) Diamond - Spin Doctors
The iPod just keeps pumping out the mediocre hits today. This is from the Spin Doctors sub-par 3rd album Here Comes the Bride. I don't remember if this was before or after Chris Barron had a rare vocal chord paralysis. Either way, this album is very underwhelming. A couple of the tunes have a unique quirk to them...not this one.

Random FYI: The Spin Doctors are responsible for the soundtrack to Michael J. Fox's last sitcom, Spin City. If you've never seen/heard the show fix it...it's awesome

9) For Celebrations Past - Screaming Trees
Speaking of vocal paralysis...how did Mark Lanegan not die? I've always pictured him as the "eight ball" to Layne Staley's "heroine shooters". In my mind the Screaming Trees are a hidden gem of the 90's. Their hit song, "Nearly Lost You", was really all people heard from the band (even though they released 7 albums) and that's a shame. Sweet Oblivion was a great album filled with all the same Seattle grunge as those other plaid-covered tree-huggers. So much so that, as an homage, I performed one night at an open mic as The Whispering Shrubs.

10) Blue Monk - Thelonius Monk and John Coltrane
Always finish strong they say. You don't get much stronger than the jazz powerhouse of Thelonius Monk and John Coltrane assaulting you with jazzy-ness. In college I took a jazz appreciation course because I just didn't appreciate that much...now I appreciate the crap out of jazz. Monk is by far my favorite jazz musician and I can't really tell you why. It could be that he's got a blues jump to him. It could be all those dissonant chords melding to resolution. It could be that his name is Thelonius Sphere Monk (seriously, that's his real name).

But you know what didn't kill him? Smokin'

My New Anti-Hero

2008-07-26T09:51:00.000-07:00

Once a doctor, always a doctor. NPH (Neil Patrick Harris for you uneducated folks) has yet again doned the white lab coat and started treating patients in the new web movie "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog". This time, though, the Doog is all grown up and has traded his good natured healing for inflicting pain and awkwardness. "Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog", is the brainchild of the uber awesome Joss Whedon (whom I was introduced to by the Uber Girlfriend and her Uber Family) of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Firefly" fame.

The show (movie, blog, musical, whatever) centers around the eternal battle between Dr. Horrible (NPH) and Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion...also the captain in "Firefly"). Good vs. Evil. Naturally Gifted vs. Not So Gifted. Smooth Operating Pansy Superhero vs. Awkward Badass Evil Scientist. The best part of the show (outside of NPH's awesome portrayal of Dr. Horrible) are the songs Whedon incorporates in the show. All the actors are great singers and the songs, I dare say, are better than those in "The Flight of the Conchords".

You can purchase all the episodes on iTunes for $1.99 a pop but, if you're as thrifty (read: horribly cheap and stingy) as I, you can get a season pass for $3.99.

Oh, and there are T-shirts...that's right, T-shirts.

Sergey Anto-Awesome-nov

2008-07-25T06:38:00.000-07:00

The Breakers mansion in Newport could beat up your house and a wolverine at the same time...blindfolded

FACT!!!

Nighttime is the right time for concerts

FACT!!!

Dudes with feathered-type hair wearing long tail coats and playing cello are pansies.

FICTION!!!

Last night I beat up some rich folks and stole their tickets to see cellist Sergey Antonov play a concert during the Newport Music Festival. It was the best atmosphere for a concert I've attended. The night rains let up and a cool breeze made the manion's open foyer feel cool. Antonov and the pianist (name = ??? but she had a guy flip her pages who was pretty bad ass...picture Benson + the trainer from Punchout) were situated on a spot-lit stage with the audience seated in a semi-circle around. A wall of glass doors facing the cliff walk were to the right of the audience with two of the doors left open which, during quiet pieces, allowed you hear the waves crashing along with the music.

I didn't recognize any of the pieces but Anto-awesome-nov was so damn good he could've been playing Air Supply's greatest hits and I still would have broken out the air cello (my windmills were unappreciated). Most of the songs had great dynamics and some moodiness, typically ending in a crazed, apeggiated creshendo and Antonov coming close to becoming the first classical music head-banger.

The Breakers was a gorgeous venue for a concert, I highly reccomend it if you ever have the chance.

I also reccomend (awkward pause) lifting weights...what?

Change of Venue

2008-07-18T07:28:00.001-07:00

Heaven has moved for the day. God went windsurfing on Titan and Jesus is working things out between A-Rod and Madonna (she's his fucking soulmate, duuuuuude!) so they left the keys with the only man (outside of Magyver) who could proctor Heaven

The one they call The Bat Man.

So, if you're looking for Heaven tonight it'll be down here for 2.5 hours at the movie theater. I suggest you all go. I'll be there making sure no clowns try to ruin it.

I'm such a nerd.

The (Screwed Up) Moment of Truth

2008-07-08T17:47:00.000-07:00

While waiting for the Hell's Kitchen finale (best. show. ever) tonight I decided to watch The Moment of Truth...sometimes TV is just fuuucked up. If you're not familiar with the show, it involves a person sitting in a chair and having (the non-funky) Mark Walberg ask them questions which make them squirm. Questions such as (real answers in parens...with pizazz!):

Have you ever cheated on your boyfriend? (no...awww that's cute and almost makes up for answering the next question)
Have you ever woken next to a guy in bed and not know his name (abso-whorely!!!)
Do you think your father is trustworthy? (hell no!)
Have you ever gotten in an accident when you knowingly drove drunk? (who hasn't?)
When working at Hooters did you have have sex with one of your customers? (you better believe it)
Do you blame your father for ruining your childhood? (of course he did)

After answering 21 of these questions correctly (before the show they ask you 50 questions with a lie detector in toe) you get $500k. Good thing it's only you, the host and the audience...ooops! Actually, 5 of your closest family and friends are sitting right in front of you (Mom sure was shocked you about that sex thing).

Believe it or not I'm not here ranting about the content of the show (though it's totally rantable...and I guess I did a little). My beef with this shiny example of the downward spiral of humanity into idiocracy involves the damn commercials. About 30 min in to the show I realized there was a commercial every 7 minutes...and the commercials were 4 min long!!!

Want more commerical douchery?

When returning from commerical they replayed the last 2 minutes of the show leaving the content:commercial ratio was 5:4.

Oh, thank God. Gordon Ramsey is swearing at someone...now that's quality TV.

Things That Really Grind My Geeeeeahs

2008-07-08T10:57:00.001-07:00

Its a busy day at the center today. A wonderous time is being had undoing things that have been previously undone by undoers before me. Therefore there just isn't much time for a real, high-quality post today. Instead, I'll be writing about, you guessed it, Frank Stallone!!! Umm, no, I mean, things that really grind my geeeeeeahs!

All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.

Ignorant Educators
I work for a center which prides itself on designing innovative educational solutions which introduce technology to the classroom. Many times when parents/friends/hobos/principals hear about technology in the classroom they gasp and say, "Oh, that will never work. Kids are already too distracted before bringing in computers" (because, of course, technology == computers...always). Those types of reactions always made me wonder, "Why do people hate classroom technology so much?" Then I read an article about how some researchers believe technology will reshape America's classroom and I, too, get all stabby inside.

"Why would we ever buy a book when we can buy a computer? Textbooks are often obsolete before they are even printed, " said Debra Socia, principal of the school in Dorchester.

It's so true Debra. I cannot count how many times I have integrated 4x + 7 only to be forced to reintegrate when the rules of calculus changed...don't you just hate that?

Grinding Rating: All the e's in my Calculus I & II books

Summer
I know you mock me. Watching me, judging me...stop looking at me!!!

Grind Rating: 4 e's

Bowser
I defeated you near the Battlerock Galaxy last night. I won fair and square by spinning and hitting you in the tail. However, you flew away even though you promised this would be our last battle. I believe you to be some sort of "cheater" and would very much like you to return Princess Peach.

Grind Rating: 6 e's, 74 star bits and a hungry Luma

gAy-Rod
gAy-Rod, do you know where you are? Can you tell me what year it is? Oh, whew, I was hoping that was the case. gAy-Rod seems to believe it to be 1988 not 2008. This story I just saw on CNN about him rounding the bases (yes, I went there) with Madonna makes so much more sense now

Grind Rating: ∞ - z e's | z = number of World Series rings on gAy-Rod's fingers

CNN
Things happening in the world: Crumbling economy, plane crashes, presidential election, wildfires.
Things I see on CNN for 10 min at 8AM: A-Rod's wife blames Madonna for divorce

Seriously? For realz?

Grind Rating: an e for every hair in Wolf Blitzer's beard

Tournament of Indecision

2008-07-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

Listen to Wolfmother (the most badass bandname of the 21st century) or Silverchair? Hmmm, ummm...I can't decide. Eat lunch or snack on blueberries? Well, blueberries are awesome buuuuuut lunch is my favorite meal. Watch a movie or indulge in my latest Wii obsession (living my life vicariously through an italian plummer in a quest to save a princess from a fire-breathing dragon...happens everyday, no?)? Wake up or sleep? Send email or txt? No Problemo or well, that's never a question...it's always No Problemo.

Get to the point you say? Fine (but I'm gonna silently make faces at you). All those questions have rattled around my brain at some point today and none were answered by me because I have a problem...I can't decide! So, being the uber geek I am, I let the interweb do it for me! Last week I discovered a site called (fittingly) I Can't Decide which allows you to post questions and, while waiting for answers, help out all those other indecisive fools in the ether who are running your life (ah, the circle of life). Of course, my indecision problem has led to another problem...my addiction to the site. The last two weeks of my life have been predominantly dictated by internet minions (free will's stupid).

Today, however, I had a quandary which my beloved site could not handle...multiple choices!!! Ugh, now what do I do? Luckily, I'm a huge sports fan (have YOU ever thought the outcome of a grand slam tennis final would be determined by your watching said event? Didn't think so) and love the idea of a well made bracket. So, on some scrap paper I made a bracket to decide which hard rock band I would be listening to while at work (read: playing on I Can't Decide). No worries, I didn't come up with the type of band...the internet told me I wanted to "rock my ass off" instead of "lay back and relax". Amazingly, and randomly, I chose all Australian bands (they rock my ass off the most).

Here's the 1st round matchups, seedings in ( ):
AC/DC (1) vs. Wolfmother (4)
JET (2) vs. Silverchair (3)

Surprisingly, Wolfmother pulled the big upset and battled it out with JET in the finals. In a rout Wolfmother took the title of "Band the Uber Geek will listen to for the next 35 min before lunch when he goes and listens to something else" from JET with a whopping 9-3 final tally.

Hmm, I might have more problems than I thought.

It's Been a While

2008-07-01T05:48:00.001-07:00

Mornin' loyal reader(s...hmmm, maybe not so much with my hiatus)! Yes, I understand that this site has been, how do you say, ummm, so totally and unbelievably neglected that I've been dodging social service calls for months. But that won't happen again, or it might, I'm not really here to make promises (I'm here to entertain...wait, what? I don't do that either? Damn).

First blog back I figured I'd go totally lazy and rip off a theme a good friend of mine often implements. I'm gonna set the 'ol iPod (yep, I have and iPod now...feed the machine!) on shuffle and listen to 10 songs. In the time of listening for those 10 songs I'll write something about each one, but only in the time of the song playing...no more! Ok, this should be interesting as I'd say 15% of my iPod music I've never heard...annnnnnd go!

1) Last Tube - Trey Anastacio
Well we've got pleeeenty of time to write here. Last Tube clocks in at just over 11 min, harking back to my jam band phase during the first few years of college. This was Trey's 3rd solo effort and a favorite of mine sophomore year. At the time I was in the first encarnation of my current band (it's always been Me and Brad and some assortment of other people) and we were all about the jam bands: Phish, The Dead, The Allmans, Zeppelin (ok, not totally jam...but just amazingly awesome). You'd think our style would be reflected by those influences but we weren't really good enough to have our influences shine through...but we had promise! In fact the friend I stole this idea from was the lead singer and harp (not the string kind, the awesome blues reedy kind) player. Oh, so the song...eh, it's ok. It's supposedly a continuation of the Phish song "First Tube" but they aren't that similar and the old adage that sequels are never as good as the original rings very true.

2) I'm in an Awful Mood - T-Bone Walker
Ah, the blues, a fitting choice. This is a from a collection I got from the Dr. (of momentum that is) way back when mp3's were some kind of futuristic innovation and Shawn Fanning was just getting high in his dorm room instead of pissing off Metalica. This collection was one of my first hardcore journey's into blues.

3) Come Pick Me Up - Counting Crows
Amazing song! As you all know (or should damnit!) this is a Ryan Adams tune from his 1st solo album Heartbreaker. Its a really raw portrayal of a girlfriend who just totally screws you (and your friends) over and (GASP!!!) steals your records! The Crows do a good cover and this song was my first realization of a musical relationship between Adam Duritz (lead singer Counting Crows) and RA. They have written songs together numerous times that appear on both bands albums. Most notably, "Answering Bell" from RA's album Gold has Duritz singing backup vocals and appears (I'm pretty sure) in the video which is a trippy Alice in Wonderland with Elton John...awesome.

4) Til The Morning Comes - Neil Young
Damn a short one. Haven't listened to this a hell of a lot. After the Goldrush is a pretty good album. I had a huge Neil phase in college but its waned alot since then. Ummm, ok, songs over.

5) Green Onions - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
Score, another cover tune! Green Onions is an instrumental tune from one of my favorite R&B groups Booker T & the MGs. Before you say, "yeah, well never heard of him or that song...I'm gonna go look at pr0n on the internets" let me retort with "yes, you've def heard this song...and you liked it!". Tom Petty adds a nice edge and rockness to the tune...Booker T was proud I'm sure. I had the priveledge to see Booker T light up the keys with Clapton at the Garden (Boston...I won't call it that OTHER name it was in the 90's), great show.

6) Stairway to Heaven - Stanley Jordan
Well, then, the iPod is determined to have it's own theme. Sadly, I don't think I've ever heard this cover off Zeppelin's most famous (though not their best) song...didn't even know I had this! Jordan is another artist the Dr. got me hooked on. He's a guitar player who makes one guitar sound like at least two, its truly amazing. By playing the guitar like a keyboard (and turning the action waaay down low) he can comp the bass chords and play melody at the same time. Oddly enough, he was discovered in the subway playing for people and he turned down a record deal to stay on the subway circuit. A year later he relented and began a very successful career as a jazz guitarist.

7) Fresh Feeling - The Eels
Yeah, not much to say about this one. I got this album (Souljacker) from the Dr. during his Eels phase a couple years ago which, coincidently, got started by me (I think...correct me if I'm wrong) and the 2 or 3 Eels songs I had in the music vault. Their albums aren't bad but usually they just aren't my style. Too much Butthole Surfer sound...damn you Johnny Depp!

8) Insomnia and the Hold in the Universe - Live
My 2nd favorite band when I was a teenager. The first band I got obsessed with was Stone Temple Pilots (who are actually on the iPod a ton lately) then it was Live and finally sophmore year of high school Blind Melon took over the reins as my favorite band ever (RA is not a band so he can never threaten Blind Melon...just to clarify my ranking scheme). This song is a middle of the road tune off a middle of the road album (Secret Samadhi). The album has some great tunes ("Rattlesnake", "Graze" and "Lakini's Juice") but was def a fall off from the great Throwing Copper album. Live rebounded with their 4th album The Distance to Here,which is actually my favorite album from the band.

9) The Last Remaining Light - Audioslave
A track from the supergroup consisting of 90's rock icons' ((Rage Against the Machine + Soundgarden) * ∞ < Guns 'n Roses + STP) self-titled album...which I haven't listened to that much. I'm gonna listen for a few min and then give my thoughts on this rarely heard track...eh, def not the best song off this album. So what's the last song...

10) Cosmic Friend (Live) - The Black Crowes
The show that started a craze. This is from the Crowes tour in 2001 where everyone who bought their album Lions could download shows online...for free!!! This of course caused some controversy and problems and yadda yadda yadda. This is from the show I attended at Great Woods on June 11th (wow, that's over 7 years ago). I've seen the Black Crowes a bunch of times and, while they always bring it, I'd say this was 3rd on my list. First being the greatest show ever (not headlined by Ryan Adams) when the Crowes played with Jimmy Page and Kenny Wayne Shepherd opened...not a bad show for your first concert. Then I'm inclinded to think that when their show at the Providence Performing Arts Center was next. "Cosmic Friend" is a good tune but I never liked it as much as the other songs off Lions. A fitting end to our list however, as this song closed that show.

So there you have it, my first blog in a long time...and I stole the idea (I'm like Metalica...oh, snap!). There's a ton of stuff that's happened over the last few months but I'm not gonna tell you...ha!

Ok, maybe one day...if you're good.

Things I'm Excited About

2007-12-11T18:11:00.001-08:00

So this horrid business of working/teaching/researching at the same time is coming to a close...praise be to the all mighty Turing (keep reading). I realize it's been over a month since we've last talked. I'm sorry but I've been busy apartment fixing, parrot (er, student) teaching, MacBook obsessing, gig playing, xmas shopping and network coding...boo to the ya! There's not much I'm missing in that list (except for the awesome birthday record player from the uber girlfriend) so I will now be focusing on what excites me...textually.

The New England Patriots
Tom Terrific and his merry band of football awesome-ness are currently 13-0 going into this Sunday's matchup with the J-E-T-S YOU SUCK HARD! My excitement, though, is not the numerous offensive records, the greatest single season individual effort ever, Belichick's mission for destruction or even Randy Moss' good behavior. No, I just love watching Wes Welker fall down...swoon.

National Treasure 2
I, the Uber Geek, love conspiracies, Egyptian mythology, adventure and lost secrets. Umm, do I have to explain this more?

The Bloody End to the Fall 2007 Semester
The blood will probably come from either my students or ViewMatrixTableModel.java. The former will most likely bleed from the eyes once they see my final and realize chirping random C syntax just won't cut it. ViewMatrixTableModel.java, however, will find it's surmise at my hands when I strangle the Live Edit out of it.

I Am Legend
But am I more excited about impending zombie doom towards the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air or the world-premiere of the Dark Knight trailer? Sorry Agent J but the Bat always wins.

Apple Expedition '08
At the end of January our motley development team will be traveling to Cupertino to present our crazy ideas about math education (pssh, learning...wait, did you want fries with your whopper?). Watch out Steve Jobs, we're going to be in ur compounds drinkin all ur wines!

The Lost Turing Paper
So there's this guy, Alan Turing, who is the father of computational theory. In the late 30's he defined what most people consider to be the foundation of computing today. Then in the mid-40's he was outed as gay and the entire computing community shunned him. Unfortunately for them (and the rest of the modern world) in 1946 Turing wrote a paper on an "unorganized machine" which is basically what we now know as a neural network. In this paper he describes almost every kind of neural network (SOM, feed-forward, back-propagation, genetic algorithms) years before they were thought up by numerous other researchers independently. Plus, his self-realizing robots attack humans and desire sex...it's like our wildest dreams come true!

Me = Coolest Person of All-Time

2007-10-31T09:28:00.001-07:00

Not only am I dressed up as Gregory House, MD for Halloween (I've got the cane, snarky attitude and everything) but I just bought the greatest t-shirt ever constructed by man (I've never seen an alien t-shirt, but I'm assuming they're better).

Next time you see me in concert I will be wearing this shirt. I also will be wearing it while eating, working, bathing, sleeping and running...forever. For those who are between the age of 22 and 28 and don't get the reference, shame on you. For all others, this t-shirt represents the greatest TV band ever assembled in a San Fransisco townhouse owned by a single dad named Danny and comprised of a man known simply as "Uncle Jesse" and his pointlessly large band of merry, mullet wearing, 80's-out compatriots (yes, even the women).

The Good, The Bad & The Extremely Stupid

2007-10-22T09:34:00.001-07:00

It's been a glorious and frustrating time since we've last spoken, much to talk about. I'm lazy though, so you know what that means...lists! This morning I bring to you a post filled with many (ok, three) awe-inspiring, cynical, cheery (unicorns?) lists. You must be ecstatic.

The Good

Dustin Pedroia: You just have to love Jody Reed 2.0.
Records: I now have Tumbleweed Connection on vinyl...yes, I am that cool and no, you can't be my friend Tom.
Tom Brady: I know you're humble and all that stuff, but don't you just wanna go up to Peyton Manning, shrug your shoulders and say, "You got pwned."
8-Bit Nintendo: There's no greater joy than controlling a tiny pixelated Italian Plumber to save a princess from a destructive, fire-breathing lizard.

The Bad

Julio Lugo, Red Sox SS: Remember that baseball bloopers scene from Naked Gun where the lion attacks the shortstop? ::contented sigh::
The Miami Dolphins Defense: So many jokes, so little talent.
Ryan Adams: Extremely bad, but in the super awesome "I record an album a day" kinda way.

The Extremely Stupid

Ryan Garko, Indians DH: Champagne also tastes just as good on the golf course while listening to the Red Sox on the radio.
Students: How do you fail an assignment where you copy someone else's code, run it and just tell me what happens...anyone?
Joel Skinner: Were you just upset because your wife stopped you at third base too?

Things That Really Grind My Geeeeeahs

2007-10-18T07:29:00.001-07:00

I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks. This weekend I'll be playing music for old people (I get to play loud because they can't hear!) and hitting up the MIT SwapFest Sunday with the uber girlfriend...mmm technology. Then next week I get to frighten my students with a midterm...muhahaha! I am an evil, evil man.

Today, however, is devoted to giving thanks. Yes, yes, I realize Thanksgiving is still a month away but why can't I give thanks every day? So in the spirit of ranting, oops, I mean thanking (silly me, what am I thinking?) I'll be thanking all those people recently that really grind my geeeeeeahs!

All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.

Jack from Millers Homeport
For the last two years I've been playing every Wednesday night at Miller's Homeport with my buddy Brad. We're are nothing fancy but we turn out some decent cover tunes and, if you're lucky, we might play one of our 3 original tunes! At the beginning we used to draw a huge (mostly college) crowd but over the last 7 months it's been dwindling. Last night we played to 4 people...that's right, 4 people! At the end of the night the bartender told us we wouldn't be getting paid...we're getting a pink slip! So I'd like to thank Jack the sleezy owner who was actually there in person before we played. Thank you Jack for not promoting us for the last two years. And thank you for having us play past closing when it's busy for no extra money. Most of all though, thanks for screwing us over one last time by getting a free show out of us. You truly are a world-class douchebag.

Grinding Rating: 666 e's

Al Gore
I blame you sir for stealing my Fall, the most glorious of all seasons. If you hadn't won the Nobel Peace Prize the Weather wouldn't have gotten all those "global warming " ideas in it's head. Now, the Weather has latched onto your views and feels that there's no better time for 75 degree weather than the middle of October. So thank you Al Gore for allowing me to get all the climatic benefits of Florida in New England with none of the old people in golf carts.

Grind Rating: 7 e's, a drowning polar bear and two melting glaciers

Christopher Columbus
Last Monday was Columbus Day. A time for discovery, peace and the phrase "Wait, why is this a holiday?". Due to this abrupt change in schedule my class and lab for Tuesday was canceled...let the stupidity rein. When my course resumed on Thursday I was about to continue my series of lectures until I was asked the following question:

"There's no lab today right?" annoymous dummy, I mean student asks.
"No, there will be lab today. Just Tuesday's lab was canceled, " I informed the class to relieve (or so I thought) any confusion.
"Wait, so Tuesday class doesn't have to do the lab? That's not fair."
"Tuesday will do the lab on Tuesday. No one is skipping anything."

This went on for some time and by the end kids in Thursday's lab were still convinced they were getting screwed. The extra time off on Columbus Day also has seemed to have an amnesiatic effort on the entire class. In lab they could not do perform even the simplest tasks of using printf() and when presented the lab assignment most put their hands in the air and gave up refusing to believe my explanation that they've done EVERYTHING before. So I thank you Christopher Columbus for getting hammered on the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria, drunk boating across the Atlantic (true story...it's in history books and shit), totally missing the Indies, claiming to have discovered new land (even though there kinda were already people here when you landed) forcing universities across America to praise you one day out of the year. Oh, and thanks for taking that day to shoot a memory loss ray gun at college students...true story.

Grind Rating: 2 Nautical Miles of e's

Terry Fran-coma
Hi Terry,

How are you today? Not good? Aww, how come? Is it because in the 11th inning of a pivotal tie game in the ALCS you decided to pitch Eric Gagne (10+ERA and 5 blown saves since coming to the Sox) and he (predictably) lost the game for you? Or maybe it's because in Game 4 you thought it'd be a good idea to pitch Tim Wakefield who'd been injured for the last month and not pitched one game instead of Jon Lester who's 4-0 and pitching extremely well lately?

Ooo, I got it! I bet you're sad because you're reasoning for sticking with JD Drew is falling apart due to his .231 average and ZEEEEERO RBI. No? Could it be because Coco Crisp suddenl thinks strikeouts are the bees knees while Jacoby Ellsbury (the future of the Red Sox and best OF you have this side of Manny) is sits on the bench watching you rock back and forth like a mental patient?

Well, I just wanted to say hey and thank you for really doing your damnedest to be the biggest reason why the Red Sox won't be in the World Series this year. Great job!

there's always next year,
The Uber Geek

Grind Rating: x+4 e's | x = a number no one has even discovered yet

Chuck Norris Powers

2007-10-16T06:10:00.000-07:00

I had a nice weekend due mainly to my newfound Chuck Norris powers. Since taking his name in to instantiate Team Chuck Norris during a game of Cranium I have performed feats previously thought to be impossible for a man such as myself. Feats including:

Time Travel

While driving home from Polly's Pancakes in Sugar Hill, NH (greatest pancakes EVER!) I felt the ride was taking too long so I put my head down. Next thing I know it's an hour later...time travel.

Single-handedly Constructing the University of New Hampshire

I went up to visit the school because they have a pretty cool computer science doctoral program (that's right, I'm so cool I go to OTHER schools on the weekends). I have never actually seen UNH before so I must conclude that I dynamically constructed the entire campus with my eyes as I drove there.

Psychic Abilities

During a friendly game of cranium my Team Chuck Norris teammate and I were able to deftly deduce clues to solve some of the world's most puzzling riddles...with our minds! Seriously, tell me how many times you've been able to sculpt a T-Bone steak so accurately you've won the Nobel Peace Prize for it?

Climate Control

All last week I had been complaining that Fall had disappeared. Sometime in the middle of September the weather had hinted at turning towards Fall. Shortly after, however, Summer returned with it's 80 degree weather, sun and blah blah blah...lame. Friday though I said, "It better be cold this weekend in NH." Guess what. It was 59 degrees, a perfect Fall weekend. This means the weather is my bitch. If I want it to snow in the middle of August, it's gonna snow...I have the power.

There is seemingly no end to these powers. I'm envisioning walking into class today and being able to have each of my students instantaneously learn everything about C by me saying, "Learn C." On an unrelated note of stupidity (though I was talking about my course, so stupidity is always related), I was greeted by a story from my co-worker (and I use the term loosely, especially the "worker" part) this morning upon entering the office. Apparently there's been a problem with the SmartBoard for "a few weeks" (there isn't...but I won't dash his dreams just yet) and, you know, he's been trying his darnedest but just couldn't figure it out.

"This morning at my desk, though, I finally figured it out," he told me while chuckling annoyingly. "I was trying to install Office 2007 which was on a DVD but the computer only has CD drives."

I can't even put into words my disappointment to hear that a Computer Science major took "weeks" to figure out the difference between a DVD and a CD drive

Maybe my students aren't as dumb as I thought.

Class Move

2007-10-08T09:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Miami Dolphin QB Trent Green was sidelined with a concussion after applying a (legal) block on Houston Texan DT Travis Johnson. During the block Johnson's knee slammed into Green's helmet leaving Green motionless on the field...a scary moment. After a few moments he was carted off the field on a stretcher and will probably miss a few games with a concussion. Wow, football is a rough sport. Amazing to think a simple block could lead to a nasty injury like that. The most important thing though is that he's ok, right Travis?

"Fuck Trent Green, because the bottom line is, it was a malicious hit. It was uncalled for, " Johnson said. "He's like the scarecrow. He wants to get courage while I wasn't looking, and hit me in my knee instead of trying to hit me in my head. God don't like ugly, you know what I mean? My knee ain't never hurt like it hurt today. If you want to hit me, hit me in my head, hit me in my chest, don't hit me in my knee. I'm trying to eat just like everybody else. So, to hit me like that, that showed me what type of a man he was."

Well said Mr. Johnson. God sure does hate ugly, and that's why Trent Green got exactly what he deserved: a potentially long-term brain injury which could cost him years on his life. Though I believe it was the Lion who was looking for courage, but no matter, I'm getting away from Mr. Johnson's well put point. Trent Green (217 lbs.) impeded Mr. Johnson's (305 lbs.) ability to eat by maliciously blindsiding (or "blocking") the defensive tackle...fuck Trent Green indeed.

Can someone see if there's a penalty for saying the dumbest thing ever?

Browns vs. Mini-Patriots

2007-10-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

It's just about kickoff and I'm ready to go. I've got Mountain Dew, burgers, chips, a laptop, HD picture and the satisfaction that I just created the greatest acronym ever (FOWL-S...I'm making a simplified version of OWL-S which I'm calling fake OWL-S...I'm amazing). So off we go with the live (illegal) blogging. I'll write a bunch of stuff and then post it every 15-20 min or something...gosh, get off my case!

12:51: Pregame with Dan, Shannon and Boomer. I know he's been retired forever and I should just let this go but...wouldn't it be awesome if Shannon Sharpe just leveled Dan Marino?
1:03: Browns 0 Patriots 0...closest score all game?
1:10: Wow, Randy Moss really sucks
1:12: Someone forgot to tell the Browns they don't have to count MISSISSIPPI's before rushing the quarterback
1:16: 5-6 57 yards on opening drive and only a field goal? C'mon! Put in Cassell.
1:23: Am I wrong in thinking Ellis Hobbs is the greatest thing ever? Yeah, you're right, I'm not.
1:26: Fun facts:

Willie MacGinnest was #55 for the Patriots for near a decade. The year after he left Junior Seau joined the Patriots after coming out of retirement and now wears #55. Big Willie took exception to this.
Willie MacGinnest took #55 as a rookie in honor of Junior Seau (#55 for San Diego Chargers)
Junior Seau just picked off a pass in the endzone..eat it Willie.

1:30: The proliferation of Dodge ads makes me want to buy one. Sorry, that's not what I meant. I meant to say "The proliferation of Dodge ads makes me want to get a time machine, go back to when CBS sold ad time to Dodge and punch everyone in the room."
1:33: First Asante picks off Anderson (again) then Donte "I kinda look like Randy Moss" Stallworth shakes that guy off like those bugs on the banana in Smooth Moves. The rout is on.
1:42: Oh my god, the Brown's Punter (Scott Player) is the coolest looking football player ever. Not only does he have the one bar mask (hardcore), he has a bleach blonde molester mustache!
1:47: Laurence Maroney has barely played today. They don't seem to be missing a beat, but I'm curious as to where's Laurence?
1:49: Well, there you go. Laurence has an injured crotchal region...thank you Dan Fouts.
1:51: I bet if Tom Brady was throwing to Tom Brady there would never be a dropped pass. I vote we sign these guys in the offseason.
1:54: If Webster had a definition for "overdramatic" Dan Fouts would be pictured...oh, they do. Hi Dan.
1:59: Sammy Morris is a truck. On a sidenote, Randy Moss has not played much of a role today (minus a couple small catches and a nice block two seconds ago). I wonder if today is the day he finally falters back to bad Randy or we finally go "wow, this guy really is a team player." Something to think about. Also think about Shrinky Dinks.
2:05: Another field goal. I'm afraid to say, but the Browns are one big play from being right in this game.
2:12: CBS just lost their HD signal. This is just awful. How am I supposed to see the amount of plaque on Matt Light's teeth now?
2:17: Scare over...HD back...Matt Light needs to brush more.
2:18: Interception #2 on the day for Junior Seau. Hey, where's Adalius going and why is he limping?
2:19: Much love for Donte Stallworth today from Tom Brady. They need a touchdown on this drive.
2:21: Ben Watson couldn't have been more wide open. I've just realized I've been calling Dan Dierdorf "Dan Fouts" all afternoon. Wow, what was I thinking. That's like mixing up Randy Cross and Paul Maguire...yeah, exactly.
2:25: Teddy Bruschi's got wings yo.
2:29: Halftime at Gillete: Pats 20 Browns 0. The scary thing is it should be 28-0. I'll be back for the start of the 3rd quarter. Now it's time to figure out how I'm gonna teach functions in C this week (I live an adventurous life).
2:43: Things that are indestructible: stainless steel, Chuck Norris, quarks, Adalius Thomas.
2:47: Who calls an end around for a tight-end?
2:54: I still say the Browns are one big play from getting back in this game. The Pats have had too many missed opportunities on offense (only a New England fan would complain about being up 20-0).
2:58: And the Browns are on the board, 20-3 Pats.
3:03: I feel like I could recite the plotline for every CBS show.
3:05: Worst quarter of the season for the Patriots. The offense needs a touchdown on the next drive.
3:11: Rodney Harrison redeems that stupid facemask penalty...ouch.
3:12: Seriously, it doesn't get cooler than Scott Player.
3:17: Staaaaaaagnant.
3:19: Its a whole new ballgame if the Browns find the endzone. Dan, I'm with you. After three it's still 20-3.
3:25: Great, juuuuuust great. Browns just got a big play, 20-10. Umm, can I order a Randy Moss touchdown please?
3:32: Wes Welker is what I call "gritty". Touchdown...we need a touchdown.
3:36: They make it look so easy, 27-10.
3:42: Sometimes I feel Belichick just gets bored and challenges anything (great catch by Braylon Edwards).
3:46: Dear Dan Dierdorf,
That was a designed pitchout to the WR. Please pay attention.
you're welcome,
Uber Geek
3:48: Vince Wilfork scares the crap out of me.
3:52: Heath Evans, you're a douchebag...we need another TD!
3:57: We're gonna beat the Browns by 10? Really?
3:58: What the hell is happening? How did Tom Tom miss that pass to Moss?
4:04: This lackadaisical game is actually good for the Pats. Now they'll probably get a huge fire lit under their ass for the big game against Dallas next weekend. I would not want to be in the meetings on Monday morning.
4:14: Randall Gay keeps the 30 point streak alive with a fumble recovery for touchdown...under review
4:16: Ruling on the field stands. Patriots have scored 21 points off turnovers today
4:19: No touchdown, no touchdown, no touchdown...
4:21: Ellis Hobbs is the man. Patriots win 34-17, time to see how the Sox are doing in Anaheim. Oh, look at that back-to-back homers by Ortiz and Manny...what a time to be alive.

Daaaaa Patriots

2007-10-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

It's a cool Sunday afternoon here in New England. That's right, screw you summmer, fall is finally back (with football and everything). Lately, the Patriots have been rolling over the NFL with Chuck Norris like destruction and I find myself acting like a Patriots version of the Bears super fans.

For example, my prediction for todays game against the Browns is as follows (like such as):

Patriots 437 Browns 0

Where the entire offensive line for the Patriots is shrunk to 2 feet tall, Randy Moss can't use his hands (still catches 11 TDs), the Patriots are only allowed 2 downs, the Browns use 15 players and Tom Brady must throw left-handed while giving Vince Wilfork piggy-back rides during every offensive play...you can take that to the bank.

Therefore, due to my super fan status of late I've decided to have a live blogpost during this afternoon's game. It's gonna be long...and awesome.

UPDATE: This endeavor may put my on the outs with the Feds and/or NFL for the crime of "blogging"

I'm Back...Kinda, Not Really

2007-10-05T10:54:00.000-07:00

Hi my name is The Uber Geek and I used to update my blog all the time. Recently I came down with a sickness that made desire to work more than have fun. I have begun to seek medical attention and after drinking a few beers the last couple nights I'm on my way to recovery. After a long night of playing Metroid Prime 3 on the wii and watching the Red Sox I believe I can finally assimilate back into my normal life. Until then I will leave you with a list of random stuff that's happened since my last post.

Found the greatest resource ever: MIT CourseWare
Made one of my students cry (yes, I do teach college...and, no, it wasn't a girl)
The Red Sox and Patriots made me happy (for now)
I'm goin to Cupertino bitches (for those who don't know its Apple's secret little, developer land...not unlike my Developer Land)
Apparently I'm really close to being the house band for the New Wave Cafe (what?)
Still not finding a halloween costume
Woot-offing (wow, that sounds so much dirtier than it intended)
Not writing blog posts ::single tear::

P.S. worst. blog post. ever.

Thank You Tom Brady

2007-09-24T08:03:00.001-07:00

If you haven't been paying attention to the NFL for the first three weeks of the season (shame!) you're missing out on the New England Patriots steam rolling all those who lay in their path. The Jets (10-6 in 2006), Chargers (14-2 in 2006) and Bills (umm, they're plucky?) have been slaughtered by the Pats 38-14, 38-14 and 38-7, respectively (I sense a treeeeennd). So how are the Patriots exactly making it look this easy?

Tom. Brady.

For years Tom Tom has been a great QB, winning 3 Super Bowls and quietly being the second best passer in the game (I hate you but, god-dammit, I respect you Peyton Manning) despite having some of the most pathetic offensive talent. The first two championships had a RB (Antwain Smith) who averaged 3 yrd/carry...I could fall farther! And the WR corps was downright awful (minus Troy Brown...he's gritty) and their success was mainly a product of Brady's ability to make people around him better (hey, Deion Branch, how's life with Matt Hasselbeck?). This season that all changed with the additions of Wes "Troy Brown 10 yrs ago but way faster" Welker, Donte "20 yard/catch" Stallworth and, most importantly, Randy "Yep, I'm that good" Moss. The Patriots offense these days is just downright unfair. Play physical at the line and Moss runs by everyone (5 TDs in 3 games). Playing cover 2 and doubling Moss leaves Welker alone in the middle for shenanigans. How about a nickel set? Ok, how about big 'ol Ben Watson demoralizing your linebackers? Oh, and Laurence Maroney is averages about 5 yrd/carry just in case Brady's arm falls off. So now, equipped with the weapons he's always dreamed about, Tom Brady is poised for one of the greatest seasons by a QB ever (80% CMP%, 141.8 rating, 10 TD, 1INT through Week 3) and saving millions of lives in the process.

That's right. Tom Brady is saving Red Sox Nation one completion at a time.

The Patriots romp through the first three weeks of the NFL season has diverted our attention here in New England from THE BIGGEST COLLAPSE IN SPORTS HISTORY (ok, I'm being a little overdramatic). In June the Red Sox held a double-digit lead over the Yankees. Everyone proclaimed the division race was over. The Yankees would have to play over .600 ball and the Sox (owners of the best record in baseball) would have to be a .500 team for the remainder of the season. Impossible we all said.

Guess what...it happened.

The Sox currently stand 1.5 games up on the Yankees and are whimpering to the finish line. Manny, Ortiz and Youkilis are all hurt, JD Drew is still the team (how scared are you of Jacoby Ellsbury Mr. Drew?), Wakefield keeps forgetting games aren't batting practice and, for the love of God, will someone please shoot Eric Gagne right in his stupid goggles?!?!? Yet, I remain calm (ok, except for that last comment...but he's makes me sooo angry). Why? Because on Sunday afternoons this fall I've been swept away to a fantasy land filled with sugar plumbs, touchdowns and goody-gum-football drops. As long as Tom Tom keeps throwing touchdowns to Randy Moss Red Sox nation will steer clear of the proverbial ledge. Therefore, as a member of Red Sox Nation I'd like to extend my thanks.

Thank you Tom Brady for being the savior* of Red Sox Nation.

* Red Sox Nation reserves all rights to mercilessly boo Tom Brady, the New England Patriots and any associate of the two at any hint they do not continue their current pace of success, at which point we will claim we "saw this coming".

Ruler of Developer Land

2007-09-21T13:02:00.000-07:00

Since moving into our new center I've taken claim to a fairly large (ok, extremely large) section of the office. It has been referred to as a country and I quite like being the sole ruler/citizen of Developer Land (catchy, no?). Developer Land is full of wonder, an old Apple IIe, music and, most importantly, 3 floor-to-ceiling windows to that mysterious "outdoors" thing. Being the sole ruler of a country isn't easy though, as there are certain tasks which must be attended. Like cleaning up the place when visitors come or plugging in the AC plant (that's right, my country has a plant that runs on AC power...eat it) or limiting the number of tourists during the day (they can be pesty). Overall, however, it's a grand life having your own country as no one ever complains when you dance on your desk because you got TCP/IP sockets to work correctly.

Times they are 'a changin' though. Today my first immigrant came begging to my borders, wishing to become a citizen in my glorious Developer Land. I've let him move in because I feel he can add to my countries exports (namely music, software, comedy, ranting and beer...well, that one's probably an import) and because my boss told me I had to. At first it's been rocky, my country now has a lot more "stuff" in it now. Mind you it is cool stuff (name me another country who's haptic device to citizen ratio is 2:1???) but the Apple IIe is getting a bit jealous of all these fancy Dell Inspirons laying about. Since my borders are now open I have decided to implement a tax system which Immigrant #001 has agreed to follow. Each month I must receive one random item from each citizen of Developer Land.

Tax Item 1: an empty desk drawer.

Yes, this is the life...indubitably.

I'm a Liar

2007-09-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

Dear Body,

I know I promised fun times ahead but things happened. I'll be spending more time with Journal Paper over the next two weeks. I know what you're gonna say, "OMG, I can't believe it! That guy is such a dick!" You're right. He's controlling, demanding, harsh and cold. But I have to stick it out a little longer. We've got something special, they really know how to get you published in fancy things. It'll be best for both of us really.

I promise we'll go fishing one of these weekends, pal.

Writing 'n Professing,
Uber Geek

So Angry

2007-09-13T06:38:00.001-07:00

I'm not one to make enemies very easily. I have only one arch-nemesis (who drives a silver Peugeot station wagon at a pace so slow he actually travels back in time) and he doesn't even know he's my arch-nemesis! Therefore, when someone becomes angered with me I take it to heart and really try to smoooooth over the situation. Right now you must be going up the walls thinking, "Who the hell is this guy that has the nerve to hate a poor, innocent geek?" Well, loyal readers it's someone who is all knowing in the ways just as I am, and knows how to get way down (waaaaay down) to the core of my being.

It's my being.

Ha, I tricked you. You thought this post was were my blog becomes some amazingly dark quest to rid the world of some anti-Uber Geek. In which we battle through time and (i'm using italics a lot today) space finding who is the superior, dominant geek blogger (I'd win by the way). You were wrong. I'm just gonna bitch and complain about my body being extremely pissed at the way I've been treating it this week.

I'll preface my description of the hellacious (great word) by saying (for my own, future benefit) that I am no longer 21. This whole staying up 'til the wee hours and then getting 4 hrs of sleep and doing it all over again just isn't for me anymore. And I'm not even doing fun stuff! Back when I was younger (I'm old just for saying that) I'd be up late going to parties, playing out in a band, bar hopping, doing awesomely dumb things ("...wanna know what would be a great idea? Let's take those huge 10ft. posters from the commuter cafe!"...yes, at 2AM one day we actually did that) and just basically relaxing having fun with my buddies (ah, the 453 days). This week I've just been up late writing a journal paper (stupid words) and preparing for class (I've changed curriculum again, at this rate by the end of class I'll just end up teaching them MatLab...mmm, MatLab).

So my body, currently being fueled by Pepsi Max (a great thing almost on par with the dew...i know, that's programmer blasphemy, but it's close) and some Lance Armstrong energy gummy cubes (from Nathan "Mountain Man" Buczek, of course), is quite angry with me. Today it's taking out it's rage by giving me 1) a runny nose, 2) light-head, 3) ADH...what was I talking about? But it's allllll worth it because this weekend begins a glorious time of what I like to call a "I get free time to do fun things for the first time in months". This next phase kicks off this weekend with the following activities:

Center grand opening (complete with wine and food!)
Uber girlfriend comes home (I know...I don't know how I have a girlfriend either)
Annual Pool St. yard sale (always so much fun and full of stupid things to buy)
Beer brewing summit with da Meech
RA in Northampton (if you don't know RA = Ryan Adams you may be on my arch nemesis list)

The RA show is in Northampton at night, however, so my body will be pretty pissed again on Monday. But no worries red and white bloods cells, we get to sleep now!!! Real, honest to God 8hr sleep! No more 2AM paper sessions (ok, probably, but not right now). No more 18 hour work days (ok, probably, but not right now?). If I deprive you of sleep in the next few weeks you'll just be having so much fun you won't even realize how its affecting your sleep cycle!

Oh what a time to be alive.

Back in the Saddle Again...for the First TIme

2007-09-08T07:31:00.001-07:00

Teaching my first college course went pretty well (though technology derailed me in the first lecture...stupid projection systems). I didn't mislead the students (yet...muhahaha!), they seem to be fairly motivated (yay, curly brackets!!!) and, hey, it gets me outta work early twice a week! A first week of school at UMD for me wouldn't be complete, however, without some kind of screwup on their part. This fall the problem took the form of not allowing me access to the faculty side of COIN (which I'm convinced is powered by helper monkeys in the library basement...why would you ever shut down a server at 9PM!!!). It took 3 days to get to the bottom of the problem but UMD finally gave me a reason why when I log onto COIN I'm getting a message telling me I don't have the correct permissions (this isn't the military...C'MON!!!). The problem? You guessed it, Frank Stallone...no, I mean they still think I'm a student...again. I don't know how many times I have to tell this university they've given me a degree already. Once my degree actually comes in I'm gonna buy a gold chain and wear my Master's degree around my neck at all times. Then if anyone questions my adjunct faculty status I'll point to my chest and say, "Talk to the bling, bitch." That'll learn 'em.

Certain students in my course have already taken on stereotypical CIS student roles. Here's the breakdown so far.

The Nitpicker
A student who doesn't have a great handle on the material but will look for any opportunity to point out any tiny flaw in your reasoning. Thursday I broached the topic of boolean logic where 0 = false and 1 = true. The nitpicker then raised his hand.

"Question?" I asked.
"Yeah, but 1 isn't the only number that means true though because the book says that any non-zero number means true."

At this point he shows me the entry in the book (which he's underlined numerous times) where this is said. Of course, he and the book are correct but the standard for boolean logic is that it involves 1's and 0's because it's supposed to be SIMPLE! I told him that, while he can use 2345 and -24 to indicate true, no one else will know what he is talking about because 0 and 1 are the standards for boolean logic. Then I talked about what standards are for a minute, so it was actually good that he thought it'd be a great idea to use 3253226 to mean true.

Later he pulled the same question with my TA in lab, thus confirming his nitpicker status.

The Buddy:
The buddy is a student who approaches you early on the first day and tries to gain some repoire with you and act like he's your buddy. My buddy approached me prior to class and thought it'd be great to inform me that he is a computer wiz...though doesn't know any programming. He followed by name dropping that his dad was a computer technician (IT != CIS) and he wanted to do that and make lots of money (the real money's not in IT my friend). Later, in lab he tried the same approach with our TA but this backfired. Years prior, buddy worked at a local amusement park under the supervision of our TA and, let's suffice to say, it didn't work out well ::cough:: lazyslackerknowitall ::cough::, sorry something in my throat.

The Genius:
A student who believes they know everything about computer science...even though they are a freshman with NO credentials to back up their feelings of entitlement. My resident genius has yet to prove himself in the class but that has not stopped him from repeatedly acting like he should actually be teaching this course. Which I think he probably should because I firmly believe that proficiency in Visual Basic should allow you to be President of the Galaxy. The best moment so far (where I had to hold back stabby feelings) happened after the first lecture where I had the aforementioned technical difficulties. A number of students were milling about waiting to ask me questions and finally there were 2 left; The Genius and Norma L. Student.

"You can go first," says Norma L. Student.
"That's ok, you go. I'm just gonna fix his computer", states The Genius confidently.

You're gonna WHAT with my computer? FIX it? Wow, I didn't realize there was a problem. Please sir, enlighten me on the error of my ways.

"You have to change the input," The Genius professes.
"The input? Input to the projector? I know, that's what I was doing," I calmly retort.
"No, on your computer. You have to hit the function button and then one of the F keys," he proclaims not realizing how absolutely stupid he just sounded by claiming that to project your computer screen to a projector (some would call that OUTPUTTING) you actually need to change the input to your computer.
"Yeah, I know how to do that. That wasn't the problem, thanks," I say trying to ignore the Mortal Kombat-like voice in my head saying "Finish him!"

So for all of you who don't know how to hook up your computer to a projector, here's a little tip from The Genius. Make sure you change the INPUT to your computer because its actually the input source which will output your display to a projector.

Maybe next lab he can write a VB program to prove his douche-baggery.

Things That Really Grind My Geeeeeahs

2007-09-04T05:55:00.000-07:00

Well, today's D-Day. I begin teaching my first college course today, CIS 115 Introduction to C Programming (I know its hard but, ladies, please keep your clothes on). I'm a tad nervous but the fact that my main goal of the day is to deter cheating in my class it could be worse. There are bigger things to attend however and it's time to grind some geahhhhhhhs!

All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.

Rodney Harrison (SS), New England Patriots
Strong safety...Pro-Bowler...All-Pro...Future Hall of Famer...Captain...Dumbest man alive.

The Patriots best defensive player, Asante Samuel, holds out for the entire preseason leaving people to question the strength of the secondary. Then, before the final preseason game, he agrees to terms and will be returning to play corner alongside you, the captain of the team...yay, all is well is Patriot-town.

But, wait...you what? You used HGH, a banned substance by the NFL? So now will be suspended for a quarter of the season? And you paid with your freakin' credit card? It's one thing to cheat and be a moron in that respect. But jesus, man, you make millions of dollars a year, you couldn't give the guy cash?

Yet another reason college athletes need to stay in school.
Grinding Rating: 7 e's

Looping
You're an ass
Grind Rating: 7 e's

Rochester Institute of Technology's CS Department
Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo isn't allowed to teach at RIT because he doesn't have a Master's degree because they won't give it to him because I'm 99% sure Kevin Federline runs the department
Grind Rating: 9,000 e's

UMD...WTF?
I attained a Master's degree this past summer...from UMD. A month ago I was approached, by UMD, to teach a programming course...at UMD. A couple of weeks ago I received a notice that I'd been hired as a part time lecturer at (you guessed it!), UMD. So it wouldn't be a stretch of the imagination for me to assume that I should be able to log onto our university info database doo hickey called COIN (worst invention since Hitler) as a faculty member. But, alas, I log in (without problem, mind you) to find a window popping up saying that I do not have access for this content. After calling I found out that UMD has no record of me being listed as faculty in the computing system...faaaaantastic.

At least I take solace that the UMD server is down on the first day of classes...take that university faculty trying to get their class rosters, muhahahaha!!!

Oh crap...that's me.
Grind Rating: a never ending bit-stream of e's

The Lights Went Out

2007-08-30T08:39:00.000-07:00

I came into the center this morning and guess what? The internet disappeared! Apparently there was a problem in Boston at 3:30AM and UMD's connection to the glorious interweb is down (though the details lend me to believe it's a UMD blunder). Unfortunately, I can still connect to the online resources inside the network to do work. I mean, fortunately...yay, I love work! Now I'm left without my beloved digg, espn and trashy celeb news sites...what's a geek supposed to do? Write a blog post, that's what he's supposed to do. So this morning I will chronicle my failed efforts to get online forgetting the internet has been taken out back and shot (single tear) because, let's face it, I'm not that bright.

This might get long.

8:45 Loaded in new Grace Potter CD (mmm blues), but where are the songs names? Stupid internet controls everything
8:57 But I just wanna know the format of a SOAP message
9:11 What time's the Sox game tonight? Let's see, now where is the little hand when it's "Server Not Found"?
9:30 I miss my email
9:37 Oh, C'MON!
9:45 Look here interweb, I haven't made a footprint on you in over 12 hours. People most likely think I'm dead. Do you want that on your head? Really, it doesn't bother you? Oh you're so cold.
10:01 Billy Squier NEEDS me to read his lyrics for Lonely is the Night
10:20 Did you know that online banking is done online? That's deep.
10:32 Does BJ's Wholesale Club have Claritin cheaper than Walmart? Maybe and maybe CITS won't suck one day.
10:36 Of course, why WOULDN'T there be a woot-off today...wtf?
10:50 Why do we have 23 MacBooks in the conference room? So I can steal them to keep an eye said woot-off by connecting to a non-UMD wireless router...I am so lame
11:27 Why am I still complaining about getting online when I have a connected MacBook you ask? Because it's alllll the way on the back of my desk like 10in. away, at least...very inconvenient
11:38 I've grown tired of you blog post. The interweb and I have reconnected (albeit we're not what we used to be) and it's time for us to move on.

The New Spokesperson for US Education

2007-08-27T14:57:00.001-07:00

I've worked in the field of educational research for over 7 years now building math education software. As a project, our goal has always been to democratize access to high-level mathematics. Calculus concepts are not just for hifalutin learned folks, most normal students can understand it given the proper instruction. Of course, proper instruction is normally the problem with today's school systems. We here at the center have long been looking for some kind of spokesperson who could articulate the reasoning and results of having such poor teaching techniques.

Miss Teen South Carolina is that spokesperson

Why can't kids can't find the US on a map? Because they don't have them and the US education system doesn't help South Africa, Asia and Iraq enough.

I've been saying that for years.

I'm Not Dead, Promise

2007-08-22T06:26:00.001-07:00

Dear Neglected Readers,

I'm sorry I've been so distant lately. It's not that I don't think you're cool, I really really do. I'm just in a weird place right now and I just, ummm, well. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's me not you. There's a lot going on right now. My hair's been really dirty lately so I've been washing it and, like, the other day I was abducted by these aliens (I know, crazy). So you can see it's been really hectic for me but I totally think we should get together sometime soon.

I'll call you,
The Uber Geek

P.S Instead of waiting around the phone go see Superbad...dooooo it!

Just Say No...Where's the Fun In That?

2007-08-16T07:34:00.002-07:00

Mr. T had it right, "Just say no and don't give me no jibba jabba, foo!" Lately I've found that I have problems saying "No" to people. Over the summer I've gotten into the following endeavors by not listening to Mr. T:

Design proof-of-concept framework for web service composition
Playing at ye ole Miller's...again (wedn1te!dr1nks4cheep!!!1)
Write a letter of support for a professor's tenure application
Yoga...the quest to be bendy
Design a software project for students in a software engineering course at UMD
Write a journal paper on system reliabilities
Pledging undying allegiance to the Sox stretch run (Paps 4 President '08!)
Become a raging dress shirt-aholic (no worries, though, I make sure to unbutton it enough so my No Problemo t-shirt is clearly visible)
Contribute to a conference paper on formalizing the definition of a system reliability model
Teaching a course on programming in C at UMD in the fall
Joining a band (with a drummer and everything!)
Researching PhD programs (oh man, I'm goin' back to school?...wtf)
Designing and implementing super secret Kaput Center project
Maintaining a blog to write a post on the copious amount of things I'm doing

Not that I'm regretting any of those decisions, I just felt like whining a bit because it's sunny out and I'm inside watching birds fly into my window (hee hee, stupid birds). So, if you got some work to do, just ask me to do it...I'm probably gonna say yes.

Does that make me a work slut?

That's Bush League

2007-08-13T09:11:00.000-07:00

While running around the office this morning printing out exorbitant copies of my thesis (insert happy thesis dance) I was reminded of a favorite phrase of mine: bush league. According to wikipedia bush league is defined as:

a general term used to describe an action or thing as being amateur, inferior or crude

The term derives from the bush leagues of baseball. These are the borderline sunday-afternoon-kegs-at-every-base-play-'til-you're-too-drunk-rec-league type of minor league teams whose fields would be overrun by weeds and bushes. Bush league teams are usually full of young bumbling fielders and inept batters who couldn't hit the side of a mac truck with a tree. Picture the Pirates and the Devil Rays...but 100 times worse (scary, I know). I used to use the Brewers for example of MLB craptacularocity but they're actually kinda good this year (side note: Brewers = most alcoholic team name ever?). But I digress...

Lately I've been reminded of a few bush league things happening around here. Annnnnnd I have a blog. That means you get to hear about them...you love it.

That's Bush League:

Arguing for 30 min in favor of your own bad idea, getting your way due to aggravation and then backing off when you find out YOU have to do the work
Using boldface on your thesis signature page...C'MON!
Whooping it up like it's Fat Tuesday on Bourbon Street then complaining a discrete phone call is bothersome...just to remind you
Screwing up Sympathy for the Devil...for weeks (E D A E...sing it with me, Eeee Deee Aaaa Eeee)
Butt rockers such as Hinder, Seether, Puddle of Mudd, Nickelback and Lifehouse...please go away
Forgetting that "i" comes before "e"...except after "c" (aye, there's the rub)
IT professionals who don't know that a web server has to actually be running for it to, you know, serve people
Blowing 2 saves and having a 15+ ERA since you were traded to the team with the best bullpen in baseball...Mr. GAGne are you any relation to Heathcliff Slocumb?
Burning sweet bread...le sigh.

Food For Thought

2007-08-10T08:36:00.001-07:00

My mind is currently in a thrashing phase (what a great cs term). I'm building some functionality which has it's meaty, little, virtual paws all over the code like a creepy family friend who's all about ABT. My situation is roughly equivalent to making a big breakfast, eating 3 bites, driving to alaska to check the temperature, stopping in texas to think about cows for a second, getting home and eating the rest of your breakfast only 1/2 through you realize you forgot to pick up salmon in seattle so you drive to maine for some chowder.

Interesting, no?

But no matter my state of mind, I just had a random realization about the next few months of my life...I'll be teaching a college course this fall to freshman. Do you know what that means?

This blog is gonna be filled with awesome stories about how dumb my students are!!!

I can't wait...here's a muppet video for reasons unknown.

Thesis-izing

2007-08-09T13:18:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, it seems I haven't been writing much (read: anything) lately and I do apologize. I had a grand scheme to bring back What's Lamer??? yesterday but Blogger isn't cooperating and I'm busy...so sue me. This busyness will probably be carrying through the weekend as I attempt to accomplish the following:

see the Meech
shave
finish thesis-izing Thesis (haven't I said that before?)
write journal paper draft (on an automated algorithm which converts a dynamic reliability block diagram into...wow, that is so not interesting)
eat grapes
play basketball (while not getting too scared of black people)
enjoy life (???)

Oh, you probably wanna know what's making me so busy the last few days, or not (I'm not here to make assumptions). I'm telling whether you like it not though...so there!

building java-like things (bleh)
guitar'n it like old times
Hot Rod (ultimate punch!!!)
eating (mmm)
summoning the spirit of the noble octopus
watched Dave Matthews play a retarded piano player on House (art imitating life?)
smooth movin' it
marveling at the matrix-like fighting skills of my cats

I love lists.

Things That Really Grind My Geeeeeahs

2007-08-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

Today has been a pretty good day thus far. I've got a new blog up and running (boo to the ya), a free new tv is on it's way (Vizio = the shiznit) and, most imporantly, a nice non-cheating Indian grad student gave me a cookie. Yet, even with the great day (or because of???) I've got some things that really grind my geeeeeeahs!

All Grind Rates are rated out of 11...because I said so.

Mondays
Who do you think you are? You just barge in here and screw up my whole weekend by telling me, "Hey, lazy-ass you gotta get back to work". And what do you offer me? From the months of January to May you give me 24, but the last two seasons have sucked so you don't get credit. Then from July to August you'll play Hell's Kitchen (amazing), ok, I'll give you points. During the fall we get a Monday Night Football but it's starts so damn late that the games usually end on Tuesday...you lose points for lateness and sharing. Therefore, Mondays you give one cool service which lasts only 1 hour a day for 1 month a year. Doing the math, that comes out to Mondays contributing something cool for 0.00114% of the year. Even Julio Lugo contributes more...oh snap!
Grinding Rating: 4 e's

FOX Broadcasting
Remember that show called Arrested Development? It was pretty much the greatest thing you ever did and you cancelled it. I watched the ending of the 3rd (and final) season yesterday afternoon and came to a conclusion...you suck! And would it hurt you to get my FOX HD channel to come in better?
Grind Rating: 9 e's

Java Message Passing
You know what you did
Grind Rating: 7 e's

Rochester Institute of Technology's CS Department
Heres a little biographical sketch of two people I know: Johnny Fuckup and Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo. Johnny and Billy are entered in the Computer Science PhD program up at RIT. They've been there for over a year now and have taken the exact same courses. Given they pass the comprehensive exams they'll have enough credits to earn a Master's Degree of Science. These exams involve a 10 page paper which will showcase your breadth of knowledge in 5 separate disciplines within Computer Science. Out of 30 points Billy scores 27 (the highest of anyone) while Johnny scores only 11 and fails.

POP QUIZ: Which PhD student gets the master's degree?

If you answered Billy Doeswhathessupposedtodo you would be so dead wrong it's not even funny. Apparently written into the degree requirements students who fail the exams are the only ones who will receive a MS degree because they could use it as backup given they never pass the exam. Here's two problems with that:

Its the dumbest thing I've ever heard
Nope, its just pretty much the dumbest thing I've ever heard

A good friend of mine is in a situation at RIT much like young Billy here. He had been told he could have a teaching assistantship while completing his doctorate, however, the school requires he own a MS degree. Unfortunately for my friend he happens to be really smart and he passed the comprehensive exam and, therefore, isn't eligible to receive a MS degree.

I believe Kevin Federline is currently the dean of students.
Grind Rating: 8 billion e's

What's a Geek?

2007-08-05T20:24:00.000-07:00

Most people view geeks as these socially awkward "I'm 34 and living in my mom's basement" type people who obsess about the latest blu-ray innovation by the PS3 (ugh, what a horrible gaming console). Even my beloved wikipedia makes the following definition of a geek:

The word geek has recently come to be used to refer to a person who is fascinated by knowledge and imagination, usually electronic or virtual in nature.

Merriam-Webster follows with an equally nerdifying (though much more entertaining) definition of a geek:

1: a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usually includes biting
the head off a live chicken, bat or snake
2: a person often of an intellectual bent who is disliked
3: an enthusiast or expert especially in a technological field or activity

So, while Merrimam-Webster lump geeks into the nerd/Ozzy Osbourne category, I'm here to set the record straight. People can be geeks about anything and, most importantly, you can still function normally (well, relatively normal) in this social world we live in! Geekdom is not about living your life in a constant reenactment of Voldemort's second rise to power (though it very well could be) . It's pretty much just being totally and insanely fascinated about something for the simple reason that you think it's the cat's pajamas (who says that?). And, given you're not a closet geek, you have no shame in blabbering on about the latest toolbox additions to Matlab (oh, Matlab, how much I love thee).

That said, my aim in creating this blog is to inform the world on issues and ideas I hold dear to my heart. There are things in the world these days which people need to think about and solution to problems such as famine and terrorism that must be addressed. This blog is a small but first...

I'm just kidding.

I just really like talking about Wii Sports.